


The Affair

by Misslill15



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-08-14 09:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 32
Words: 77,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16489676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misslill15/pseuds/Misslill15
Summary: She tries to fight every urge not to feel this attraction she has to Lexa, why did she have to come back? It was just a flirt when she was nineteen, exploring her sexuality.She was with Finn now, she was not into girls, she told herself that when Lexa left. But here she was making Clarke questioning everything about herself once again.Or - a story where Lexa is a bad ass, flirting her way back to Clarke while driving her crazy.Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZS-SgB6jmw&t=4s





	1. The beginning

2016,04,16 - Saturday 02:22

Lexa smirked as she kissed the blonde calming down from her euphoria, Clarke slowly opened her eyes again and meet green.  
”Tell me that’s not 100 times better than that frat boy” Lexa smirked even more.  
”I can’t believe you jealous today” Clarke’s time to smirk. ”I don’t even know that guy”  
”Well, he was flirting with you and I don’t get jealous babe” Lexa stated.  
”No, because you don’t catch feelings - I forgot!” Clarke rolled her eyes.  
”At least I’m not to scared to admit I’m into girls” Lexa fired back as she rolled over so she was next to Clarke instead on top of her.  
”I’m still exploring myself, that’s all” Clarke informed her.  
”I fucked you 100 times plus, I don’t know if it’s much more to explore hun” Lexa chuckled.  
”Shut up” Clarke said annoyed knowing very well that this was just not exploring but she was not ready to accept that yet.  
”Make me” Lexa challenged her and the blonde did… well the brunette screamed at some point but that was music to Clarke’s ears. 

Their bodies was curled into each others and Lexa was playing with her fingers on Clarke’s back as the blonde rested her head on Lexa’s chest.  
”I should go” Clarke whispered.  
”You don’t always have to go Clarke, you can stay the night!” Lexa suggested.  
”No… We have the rule for a reason remember”  
”Well it’s a silly rule and I don’t want you to walk home alone at this time - plus you wont let me follow you to your dorm…”  
”You know why” Clarke sighed.  
”I’m leaving this weekend” Lexa finally told her the news she had kept to herself for a while.  
”Seriously?” Clarke knew Lexa had plan leaving this ”shit-hole” as she used to call it, never really thought it was reality though.  
”I booked the plain ticket…You can always come with me” Lexa smiled.  
”Every one can’t be successful at nineteen years old, I have school, work - friends…”  
”I can take care of you, you don’t have to think about it” Lexa informed her.  
”Yes and what happens when you get tired of me, huh? When you want to play around with some other girl?”  
”Who said I want to play around with someone else… Do you really think I would invite you then?” Lexa frowned.  
”Stop it Lex, you made it really clear that this - between us - is just sex” Clarke stood up from the bed. ”Don’t come here now and confuse me with shit like this”  
”I thought you might like travel the world”  
”Stop it” Clarke was getting upset and Lexa didn’t really understand the reason why.  
”Are you going?” Lexa asked.  
”Yes, this is ridiculous”  
”So you are gonna leave when we are fighting? Real mature Clarke” Lexa rolled her eyes as she stood up as well. She moved her naked body closer to Clarke until they locked eye with each other. ”Don’t go” she said.  
”I have to Lexa” Clarke swallowed, the brunettes presence made her nervous and aching for more.  
”Your loss” Lexa.  
”What do you want from me? Do you want me to ask you to stay. Do plead for you not to go?” Clarke said upset.  
”Do you want me to go?” Lexa asked.  
”Tell me that you want me and I tell you not to go” Clarke fired back.  
”I am not gonna waste my feelings on a straight girl Clarke” Lexa rolled her name like only she could. The tension was intense.  
”Why are you like this, you where the one who stated no feelings involved who are you to say if I’m straight or not”  
”Alright then, tell me that you want me - tell me that you don’t want me to go” Clarke forgot how to breath she wanted to scream stay - don’t leave me.  
”Lexa…I can’t do it” Clarke breathed out.  
”So there is the answer babe” Lexa smiled but for the first time Clarke could actually see the hurt in Lexa’s eyes - even if it was just for a second. Because once again, Lexa didn’t do feelings. It hurt Clarke more, knowing that it really didn’t matter as much to Lexa - because like it or not the blonde felt some sort of connection to the brunette. Maybe it was for the better ending things now before she got to involved. Plus she didn’t have to tell everybody that she might - maybe… most likely was into girls as well as boys.  
”So that’s it then?” Clarke asked, she was now fully dressed again.  
”I had fun Clarke”  
”You had fun?” Clarke laughed in pain as she took her bag from the floor, she didn’t look back as she slammed the door behind her. That was the last time she saw Lexa before her trip to Bali. 

***

2020, 06,16 - Friday. 

New text message in Arcadia OG’:

Raven: Guys, I will be there in 30 minutes. Picking up Anya and some…alcohol ;).  
Octavia: Oh no! What are you up to?  
Jasper: Just…no. Last time Raven brought alcohol I ended up with black outs.  
Monty: …  
Clarke: Just. Not. Tequila.  
Octavia: RAVEN!!! No  
Raven: Relax guys…. ;) 

”She’s up to something” Lincoln chuckled as he read the group conversation.  
”Why does she always wanna see us get shit faced?” Bellamy shook his head.  
”Well how about some beers, we have 30 minutes to relax before the storm” Finn suggested.  
”Yeah brother” Lincoln and Bellamy agreed.  
”Want a beer princess?” Clarke looked up and nodded yes before she continued her intense conversation with Octavia about a fight she had with a girl in a mall about shoes. ”Girls” Finn chuckled before he left to bring some beers. 

A special knock - well just loud knock - informing everyone that Raven was sure as hell outside ready to join their party. ”Got it” Octavia yelled from the kitchen and Clarke waiting at the diner table for them to come back.  
”Oh my god! Lexa?!” Octavia yelled from the front door and Clarke’s heart skipped a beat, it could not be..? ”I have not seen you in years, oh my god you are so tanned? And beautiful…”  
”And we are thirsty” Raven interrupted Octavia's outburst and Anya laughed.  
”Thank you O” Lexa’s voice was so familiar to Clarke, what the hell was she doing back in town?  
”Is it Lexa I hear?” Lincoln rushed out from the living room to greet his cousin. ”I thought I would have to travel to.. Australia? Thailand? Bali? I am not even sure anymore to see you again!” He sounded happy. Clarke knew they would head to the kitchen first so she sneaked away quickly to the living room, why? She didn’t have the answer to that, she would have to face the brunette sooner or later, they where in the same apartment. As soon as she sat down in the couch the group from the front door came walking in - she should of stayed in the kitchen then.  
”Clarke?” Octavia was a bit surprised that the blonde was sitting by herself there and the name made the brunette instantly focus on the sofa.  
”Well well. Hello Clarke” Lexa smirked and Clarke hated it. Blue locked eyes with green and you could probably feel the tension in here.  
”I found your favorite snack” Finn interrupted the awkward silence and Clarke had never been so happy to see her boyfriend - because she liked boys.  
”Hey babe” Clarke smiled. ”Thank you!” Clarke smiled towards him and when she looked back to where green had been standing - was now gone to the kitchen. 

Clarke knew what Lexa was up to, the way she sneaked in comments about having sex with girls, someone to mess around with but no emotions involved. Everyone was enjoying her stories but the blonde could feel green eyes staring at her as she spoke. When Lexa was about to go get another drink - with tequila since Raven decided this Fridays beverages, she saw her opportunity.  
”Having fun?” Clarke asked as she entered the kitchen.  
”Having a blast babe” Lexa smiled as she looked at her direction. ”You look sexy tonight” she then added, eying her up and down.  
”I am not your babe Lexa - and stop undressing me with your eyes” Clarke rolled her eyes - like she has been doing most of the night at Lexa.  
”Relax, I am just joking” Lexa opened a beer and offered it to Clarke. ”I know you don’t do tequila” The blonde accepted the drink and took a sip.  
”I’m with someone” She stated after she swallowed the beer.  
”I am not here to go after you” Lexa chuckled. ”But really though… that guy? Seems a bit boring if you ask me”  
”I didn’t ask you” Clarke smirked. ”Just please stop your games”  
”Whatever babe, sure” Lexa took her drink she prepared and passed Clarke, she made sure to touch her as she walked by and it made Clarke once again roll her eyes. ”I’m still not your babe” she said under her breath but the brunette was long gone.

The rest of the night - Lexa actually stopped her hints, well she stopped giving Clarke any sort of attention what so ever. Clarke was supposed to feel happy about the fact but she didn’t mean for the brunette to totally ignore her.  
”Should we go home?” Finn put his arms around Clarke as she was standing up talking nonsense with Octavia. ”I’m sleepy”  
”Yes let’s go” Clarke didn’t feel like staying anymore.  
”Buuuuuuu!” Octavia stuck her tongue out.  
”There is more Fridays coming up” Clarke informed her, because it was true. Their friends did this once every month to catch up with everyone. They where all always so busily but once each month someone had to gather this party to bring everyone together. It was a fun way to keep in touch - even if you could not join every Friday there was always a new one around the corner.  
”Hey Lexa! Your the next host!” Octavia yelled.  
”I have like one furniture in my apartment…and that’s a bed” Lexa informed her, she eyed Finn and Clarke hugging for a second before she took her attention back to Octavia.  
”Even better - nothing can be destroyed!” Raven slurred.  
”We will get you some silly!” Anya joined the conversation.  
”You are actually staying? Can’t believe this!” Lincoln smiled. ”I have a training partner again!” Lincoln smiled happily towards Octavia.  
”Yes that’s perfect, I can’t deal with him at the gym” she laughed.  
”Count me in Linc Linc!” Lexa smiled and for a second Clarke remember the brunettes naked trained body against hers, but she forced herself to get back to reality where she was standing in Finn’s arms.  
”Let’s go home” Clarke whispered and Finn nodded in her neck all her friends yelled ”Buuu” as they left the apartment.

Why was Lexa back in town?


	2. The hills cliffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Lexa and Clarke has a day off, Lexa thinks it's perfect to annoy Clarke with "forcing" them to hang out.

Lexa opened her eyes slowly, she winked a few times to get used to the bright room. She had not lied when she said she only had a bed in her apartment. It was a bit depressing. Truth to be told she could have this place finished before she even got back - but she wanted to do it for real this time. If she had decided to come back for good - then she was sure as hell gonna do it for real. She reached for her phone that was charging on the floor, 3 new text messaged, 2 missed called and a new match on tinder. She started with seeing who called her, her assistant, twice - she could deal with that when she had a coffee. It was a day off and she wanted to enjoy it - it had been two days since she gathered everyone again at their gathering Fridays. She was remembered because she saw that she had been invited to a new group called ”Arcadia’s Og’s”. 

She also had a message from Lincoln. 

Lincoln 07:37: Hey! Wake up sleepy! It’s cardio day!

Lexa smiled, she had actually missed her cousin a lot, they had tried to keep in touch as much as possible but since he moved in with Octavia and shit got serious - it kind of faded away a bit. She was gonna change that.

Lexa 09:12 Let’s meet around 11? You’re gonna be dead when I’m done with you. 

She smiled as she pressed send and then she moved over to her new group chat, all of the people she met this Friday was in here.

Lexa: What is this? Haha.  
Anya: Who invited my sister lol.   
Lexa: I can see who invited me…It was you!  
Raven: That’s awesome! This is like the coolest group ever, you should be honored Lexa!  
Octavia: Do this chat have to be active on a Monday this early?  
Clarke: Octavia are you free today?  
Octavia: No… just have a late class but I can forget sleeping in now.  
Clarke: That sucks… I got nothing planned today, anyone else? Raven? I am boooooored  
Raven: Sorry babe, woking late today.  
Lexa: I’m free this afternoon.   
Anya: Awesome, you can keep my lonely sister company!!  
Lexa: Shut up!  
Lincoln: Yeah she’s all yours after she cries of pain, taking her to the gym.  
Clarke: Yeah okay sure.

Lexa chuckled, she could see Clarke’s expression in front of her, of course the blonde could not say no at this point - she was the one who asked. She knew Clarke was gonna yell at her once they met up but it was totally worth it. Lexa dragged herself from the bed and made her way to the kitchen to make some coffee, she passed the empty hallway filled with boxes and more empty space, she defiantly had to start decorating soon. She was gonna ask Anya to help her. The apartment was beautiful, living room and kitchen in one - the roof was high and the walls filled with windows. She lived on the highest floor so she could watch over the city, well the view was amazing. Two bedrooms, one bigger than the other, a balcony that was empty for now but big enough to have a bbq and a table for six. Two bathrooms, one with a bathtub the other one with a shower, she also had one extra small room to use as an office. The apartment could be amazing if she just planned it, Anya was gonna love it and she could not wait to show it to her sister.

 

 

***

Clarke looked herself in the mirror and studied herself, she hated that she wanted to look good. She had changed outfit at least four, maybe five times already. She settled with a pair of blue jeans, a red top and her hair chilling in a bun. Why did Lexa force them to hang out like this, should she cancel it? She took out her phone as searched for Lexa’s name on Facebook, she did not have her number.

Clare: We don’t have to do this right?  
Lexa: You said that you where bored and I am already on my way…  
Clarke: Fine.   
Lexa: Send me your location and be ready in five.

Clarke sighed, there was no turning back now. She sent the location and put on her shoes, she made sure to turn all the lights of before she locked up. When she got outside Lexa was already standing there leaning against a motorbike.   
”You still drive that thing?” Clarke raised her eyebrows.  
”Why are you so negative today?” Lexa smiled. ”Jump on” Lexa literally almost jumped on and waved for Clarke to follow. ”You always said that you wanted to ride one… well here is your lucky day!”  
”That was 5 years ago…” Clarke still wanted to ride a motorbike.  
”And you still haven’t!” Lexa stated. ”I don’t bite, get on!” Clarke was not as gracious as Lexa but eventually got behind her.   
”Just don’t kill me” Clarke said as she put on the helmet Lexa handed her.  
”Well babe, then you have to hold on” Lexa laughed as she kicked start the bike. The speed came instantly and Clarke had no choice than to grab Lexa’s hips to hold on. The touch felt familiar but was forgotten once they got up in real speed, she could not lie. She loved the feeling of going fast, seeking just flashes of buildings and trees as they passed by.

After a while they slowed down, they had been riding up an hill for a while and Clarke guessed they where close to the top. She was very correct, a few seconds later she could see the horizon of the city she grew up in and Lexa stopped the bike.   
”I never had the chance to show you this place before” Lexa got of the bike after Clarke and she smiled at the view. ”Damn I missed this place, I freaking love it”   
”It’s breathtaking” Clarke agreed with the brunette, this was amazing. She could just imagine watching the sunset from here, I mean in daylight it looked beautiful.   
”I used to come here all the time before” Lexa informed her.   
”Why did you keep this place secret?” Clarke was a bit shocked she’s never heard about this place, I mean it was a rocky road to get here but still.   
”We never hang out outside my bedroom” Lexa chuckled. ”You we’re to embarrassed to be seen with me remember” The brunette didn't look at the blonde she kept her green eyes on the view, taking it all in.   
”I was never…” Clarke hesitated. ”I was never embarrassed of you Lexa”   
”It’s okay” Lexa now looked back at her. ”But you didn’t even want to walk with me from a party, we always met at my dorm”  
”Stop it Lexa, why are you bringing this up?” Clarke took a step closer. ”I was not embarrassed of you, but I have feelings and I had to have my rules to not end up falling in love with you…” Lexa was not ready for the comment, Clarke could tell by her expression. ”Maybe you can live a life without feeling anything for anyone, but I can’t do it that easily okay - doing other stuff than sex would of crossed that barrier.”   
”I am not a cold hearted bitch Clarke, you could of told me… and I have my reasons to not get emotional involved okay?”   
”For me that just sounds like a cold hearted bitch…that’s not a healthy way to live Lexa, feelings… or loving someone is not a weakness.”  
”Like I said, I have my reasons” Lexa snapped back to reality. ”But we are not here to talk about these things, it’s all in the past right? Let’s do something fun!” Lexa now smiled, Clarke was a bit unsatisfied by the change of subject - but maybe it was a bit inappropriate to talk about this anyway.  
”Why are you doing this anyway?” Clarke asked her.   
”We had fun together Clarke, there nothing else behind it. I thought we could have a fun day, that’s it!” Lexa explained to her.  
”But… Fuck it! So what’s your idea of fun then?” Clarke gave up.  
”That’s my girl” Lexa smirked and then she smacked the blondes ass as she moved her way to the bike again.  
”Lexa!!” Clarke yelled at her. ”Without you flirting - calling me names and especial not touching my ass!” and it made Lexa laugh.  
”We are just two girls being friends, is this not what they always do. I think I would have to call you bitch as well… not sure about everything, it’s very confusing” Clarke thought about it for a second and she hated that the brunette was right. Her, Raven and Octavia was joking around like this all the time.   
”I’m just gonna take you home okay, this was a bit more complicated than I imagined.” Lexa informed her. ”Maybe we never where friends” The last part hurt Clarke but maybe she deep down also knew she was right.  
”I don’t know anymore” She admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thank you for the feedback on my first chapter. I love reading your opinions, thoughts and theories. Did not expect to get much comments so thank you! :)


	3. The sponsor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's project needs a sponsor.

Clarke could not help but smile as she saw Raven open the door at the restaurant she was waiting at for her. The Latina girl waved happily to her.  
”Honored we could finally have lunch together!”   
”Well with my new project we can have a lot of lunches!” Clarke smiled even wider.  
”Yes! Tell me all about it!” Raven sat down and looked exited at her best friend.  
”So my art teacher really think I should go big this time, I don’t know why she believes in me so much…it’s overwhelming” She took a shot break ”She wants me… I mean for my final project, she will let me use her studio so I can paint and express on the biggest canvas you can imagine. I have 6 months and then for the first time, I will try to sell my art! It’s crazy and scary!” Clarke explained.   
”That’s huge Clarke! So is she gonna like promote it or?” Raven asked.  
”That’s the thing, she wants me to do this all by myself. So I will have to find a sponsor who believes in me”   
”Well marketing and sponsoring, isn’t that what Lexa works with?” Raven smiled happily.  
”No…No, no!”  
”Yes I think she does, I can talk to Anya about it! This is amazing Clarke!”   
”You’re hanging out a lot with Anya huh?” Clarke never remember them being this close as lately.   
”Well… I have something to tell you as well” Raven got a bit shy.  
”Alright?” Clarke’s turn to be curious.   
”I think I am actually in love Clarke…like I had no idea I even liked girls but everything about Anya is so amazing - and our chemistry, connection it’s just something special about it you know? I have never felt this strong attraction to anyone before!” Raven just casually came out to Clarke like it was the smallest thing in the world, it sort of annoyed Clarke in a way she could not explain.  
”So, wait it’s amazing but… uhm… you’re like gay? Or what have I missed?”   
”I don’t go label myself, it just feels right you know!” Raven smiled.   
”Well I am so happy for you!” Clarke smiled but something felt weird in her chest.  
”The sex Clarke?!” Raven looked like she was daydreaming away. ”Like it’s on a different level, it’s freaking - not sure how to explain it but you should try it Clarke. Have sex with a girl!” Raven kept chatting but Clarke could not focus at what she was saying anymore. All she could think about…Did Raven just admit to this? Like it was the most normal thing in the world? The sex? Of course she knew the sex was good.  
”Hey you still with me Clarke?” Raven chuckled.  
”So freaking happy for you but I just remembered I have to go meet Niylah, we have a project due to tomorrow”   
”Well she’s a lesbian Clarke, have sex with her!” Raven laughed.  
”You do know I have a boyfriend right?” Clarke glared at her. ”Finn” Plus she already did have sex with her.  
”Oh well but when that is over then” Raven joked.  
”Shut up! Sorry for ditching you” Clarke almost ran out from the restaurant, she could not breathe in there normally. She quickly walked towards her car and got in at the driving seat, while she was settled she took a deep breath. Why was it no big deal for Raven to just randomly say these things? Should Clarke of told her that she already tried having sex with girls, more than once as well. She looked at her phone, she didn't have a project with Niylah, well she did but that was starting in like two weeks. She made another call instead.  
”Hey princess, aren’t you at lunch with Raven?” Finn asked her.  
”Change of plans, what are you doing? I want to see you!” Clarke told him.  
”You can come by work, I can take a short break. Is something wrong?” He sounded a bit worried.  
”No babe, just want to see you that’s all”   
”Okay babe, come here and we can have a coffee or something or we can share my lunchbox, I guess you have not eaten anything…” Finn suggested, he was so caring with Clarke.  
”You are a hero!” Clarke chuckled. ”I will be there in 20 minutes”

***

 

Lexa walked through her old/new office, there was still people she recognized. People here had a huge amount of respect to her, if she walked the hallways people stepped back to give her as much space as possible. She made her way to her new office, it was an amazing design and she would be very comfortable in there.  
”You look like that boss who fucks everyone one of his employees” Anya surprised her with sitting in her chair.   
”Well first of all, I am not a dude” Lexa closed the door behind her. ”Second of all, I don’t fuck with people I work with.” Lexa smiled.  
”Well you look badass with your outfit I must say” Lexa looked down at her black slimmed suit.   
”Good to know! What are you doing here sis?”  
”Well you know I have been fooling around with Raven and I really like her” Anya explained.  
”I know now”   
”I told you about her!” Anya sighed. ”For real do you listen to anything I tell you?”  
”Well I didn’t know that it was serious, that’s all”  
”Not everyone hides their emotions” Anya looked at her serious. ”Are you still avoiding it? After what happened with”   
”Don’t talk about her” Lexa fired back.   
”Okay I won’t! Chill” Anya stood up now, starting to look at random things placed in the office. ”This place is ridiculous, I am really proud of you Lexa”   
”Thanks” Lexa was glad at the change of subject.  
”But even if you have all of this…You are gonna end up alone and miserable if you keep building that wall around your heart.”   
”Anya…” Lexa decided to sit down now, she knew her sister would not stop until she got everything she wanted to say out loud.   
”You moving back here, you can have a new start. Not all people are like that freaking bitch” she seemed angry thinking about it. ”I don’t want you to end up alone sis”   
”I have you” Lexa suggested.  
”With Raven you know…It’s new exciting and you want to spend every second of your day with that person. Falling for someone, I want that for you!” Anya smiled as she thought about the Latina.  
”What where you trying to say from the start? What is this leading up to?” Lexa asked.  
”So, yes! Well I want to help her. Well help her help a friend.” Even Anya got confused by what she just said.  
”I am not following”   
”Well you now that blonde girl, Clarke?” Anya asked.  
”Yeah” Lexa chuckled.  
”What is so funny?”   
”Yeah you could say that we know each other”   
”Omg did you have sex with her?” Anya gasped.  
”Schh…” Lexa hush her sister down. ”Nobody knows okay, she does not want the world know”   
”Good job, she’s hot and I thought she was very straight?”   
”Yeah, she’s beautiful” Lexa smiled. ”You can’t tell Raven, or anyone? She will hate me more than she already does!”   
”Why doe-”   
”Just get to your point and we can talk about this later okay?” Lexa suggested. ”Just promise me”  
”I promise… Well, Clarke needs a sponsor.” Anya took out the portfolio Raven gave her and she started explaining what was going on. Lexa was listening carefully. 

***

Clarke had been calling for sponsors all day, she visited a lot of studios nearby and even put herself out on the internet. Nothing, it was dead silence. She knew the art world was an incredible hard lifestyle but all she needed was that one person who believed in her. It must be at least one? She always studied medical on the side just incase of the worst scenario, this was her dream but for now it felt hopeless. All the things her teacher said to her about her talent was now forgotten and she did not feel confident at all. Maybe this was a project to big for her, I mean doing this all by herself? She looked around in the studio that was now hers for six months, if she did this she could have one of these studios for herself. Her dream could be reality. A knock on the door made her jump around, her teacher was not even in town?

”Sorry, did not mean to scare you”  
”Lexa, are you stalking me?” Clarke was surprised to see the brunette.  
”These are truly amazing” Lexa ignored the blondes question and started walking around in the studio studying Clarks sketches. She mumbled some things while she was writing notes on her Ipad.   
”What are you doing?” Clarke was lost.  
”Well a little bird informed me you needed a sponsor” Lexa looked at her now. ”I am here for business”   
”So I am honored to have the actually Lexa Wood come to my studio, I thought you had your little runners for that”   
”Great customers deserves the best” Lexa winked.   
”Well thank you but I don’t need you to pity for me” Clarke told her.  
”I don’t, I actually think we could work on something here. With my marketing, clients and your talent… we could do some great things” Lexa kept studying Clarks paintings. ”I am thinking a theme, or maybe a story. Something that connects everything” Lexa was brainstorming.  
”Well it’s nice of you to come all the way down here, but I already have a sponsor!” Clarke lied.  
”Well fire that person then” Lexa took a step closer to Clarke. ”I am the best, with me there won’t be any failures or disappointments.”   
”Thank you Lexa for doing this” Clarke took a step closer as well, they where standing really close now looking intense into each others eyes. The blonde regretted the move because it was hard to breath now. ”But I kindly say no, okay?”  
”Who’s your sponsor then?” Lexa asked.  
”This…” Clarke could not focus because Lexa was looking down at her lips.  
”Who?” Lexa whispered as she moved even closer. Clarke’s eyes was struggling where to look but she was looking at the brunettes lips as well even if she tried not to, it was intense and the brunette was leaning in closer, she could feel her breath.   
”I…” A knock on the door made the two girls jump away from each other, Finn was happily unaware smiling as he pointed at a bag of food.  
”Hi Lexa, what are you doing here?” Finn asked. ”Hi beautiful” Her boyfriend went for a kiss on the cheek but Clarke used both of her hands placed on his cheeks to give him a proper welcome.   
”Did you miss me?” Finn chuckled as their lips separated.  
”I was here, offering Clarke that we could work together. I would love to sponsor her.”   
”That’s perfect babe! You said you been struggling all the day, Lexa you are a savior!” Clarke hated her boyfriend at this moment.   
”Well she kindly said no!” Lexa informed him and Finn looked at Clarke with a confused look in his eyes.   
”Why would you say no? This is your dream Clarke!”   
”What about this, we schedule a meeting next Monday. It give you some time to think about it, we meet in my office and we can discuss it. Here is my card” Lexa handed Clarke her business card, with her logo, email, phone number and office location.   
”Okay” Clarke took the card and put it in her pocket.  
”Have a nice evening” And then Lexa was gone.  
”Why in the world would you not take this opportunity?” Finn asked her.  
”I just feels strange working with a friend” Clarke cringed at the word friend.  
”No, Clarke. This is an advantage, I mean what are the odds that a person who has been gone comes back five years later - has the most successful business, offering you just in time for your final project to be your sponsor. She might be your friend but she’s serious about work, she’s an workaholic. She must believe in you do offer you this” Finn told her.   
”Yeah, talk about timing” Clarke thought about for a second. ”I talk to her on Monday then…I’ll think about it.”   
”I think it’s amazing! You can’t say no!” Finn smiled happily… if he only knew.   
”Okay Okay” Clarke smiled back.  
”Let’s celebrate! I will take you out for some real dinner, put this in the fridge and you can have it for lunch tomorrow”  
”Yeah?” Clarke chuckled.  
”Of course we are gonna celebrate the fact that the one and only Lexa Woods wants to sponsor my girl!” 

Clarke wanted to be excited about this too, it was in fact amazing news. Why would Lexa want to do this for her? She was gonna ask her everything on Monday, then she could decide to be happy or not about the news. She was still gonna search for other sponsors this weekend, that’s one thing for sure at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woaah? A new chapter already? I thought that you deserved a quick update. Please enjoy chapter 3 and let me know what you think! :) 
> 
> Have an amazing day/evening/night!


	4. The weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Clarke and Lexa get's ready for Monday meeting.

Lexa’s Saturday was busily and stress filled, it was a lot to do at work. Moving all her projects from her old office, faxing, organizing and thousands of employees knocking on her door constantly. The good thing was that she forgot about Clarke, the blonde turning her down had stung. Nobody had ever turn down a cooperation with her before, well she had not completely said no. The fact that she rather had no one than her though…No she could not take it, on Monday she was gonna convince her.  
”Meeting in five Miss Woods” Her assistant knocked on the door.  
”Thank you” Lexa nodded.

***

”No I understand, yes. Thank you for your time” Clarke sighed and hanged up the phone. This was the last one on the list of possible sponsors. Why did have to be so hard? She went back to google and searched Lexa Woods, articles filled with her face - famous people from sport, tv and artist was on top of the list. She scrolled down and starting reading about how happy and lucky people have been to get the honor to work with Lexa. Clarke hated that she was so freaking good, was she stupid to decline her offer? What if she destroyed the one chance to achieve her dream, none on these google searched said anything about failure. Would Lexa even want to work with her now? She could help but think about Thursday, how close they had been and the tension in the room, would they have kissed if Finn haven’t stormed in the room? She had to make boundaries if they where gonna work together. 

Lexa just did something to her, she forgot how to breath and how to think properly. The brunette always had that affect on her. Ever since Raven came forward to her about her relationship with Anya, Clarke had not been able to stop thinking about her own sexuality. When Lexa left five years ago she was confused, she missed the brunette for a long time. She started dating guys, it was new people each month. No one could compete with Lexa though… when she started art school she met Niylah. The blonde girl had been flirting with Clarke for a long time and after a party they ended up in her bed. It had not been Lexa but Clarke enjoyed it, she had panicked though and left the same night. On her way home she met Finn, she knew he was friends with Bellamy and when he offered to follow her to her dorm she agreed. After that night they started dating and she had never looked back. She had simply informed Niylah that she was seeing someone now, that she had a great time but that they should remain friends, she had been really cool about it. Clarke was grateful and she started to focus on Finn and she developed feelings for him. 

The thing is, she had to think about this. Because she was indeed attracted to both girls and boys, did that make her a bisexual?   
”Bisexual” Clarke tried the word. It sounded odd and unfamiliar but yet so accurate. Maybe Lexa had been right all along, maybe she had been to afraid to admit this. It wasn’t just exploring, it was her sexuality. Now that Raven recently found out about this she could have someone to relate to, maybe she should call her and talk about this? I mean it was not a big deal to the Latina so why should it be for her. Why did she have such a hard time accepting this? It was just feelings and attractions, it was emotions that every other human has - there is nothing to be ashamed for, but what if she wasn’t bi? What if this was just confusion because of Lexa being back. Well she did say the reason she held back was because she didn’t want to fall in love with her…That was the first time admitting to the fact.

If it wasn’t a big deal you wouldn’t even think about this now… Clarke thought to herself.

***

”Even on a Saturday you’re hard to catch” Anya was once back again in Lexa’s office, she must of been waiting here a while because her meeting had been going on for like two hours.   
”Well I am working, is that lunch?” Lexa went to the brown bag that was placed on her desk. ”My favorite sandwich, I am starving! thanks!”   
”Well you never call me back”  
”Sorry I have been working, the first days have been hectic”  
”Well do you have time for lunch now?” Anya asked.  
”Yes” Lexa smiled and sat down at her chair, Anya had chosen the correct chair this time - in front of her.   
”So did you talk to Clarke?” Anya asked.  
”Yes, I went down to her studio and offered her a cooperation” Lexa took her first bite, she had missed this taste.  
”Oh my god! I love you!! You are the best!” Anya smiled happily.  
”She haven’t said yes yet…” Lexa informed her.  
”Wait…what? Why?” Anya was extremely shocked.  
”I don’t know honestly, but I did book a meeting with her this Monday. Told her she could think about it over the weekend”  
”Who in the world would hesitate about you? What in the world did you do to that poor girl?” Anya dropped her sandwich and reached for her Fanta.   
”Okay…So my last year here before I left, we kind off started to have sex, no strings attached you know”  
”So it was more than once?” Anya was not prepared for this.  
”Well…Like every weekend for a few weeks… not sure could of been months.”   
”So what happened? Did you guys date or?”  
”No i told her, just sex. I was honest from the beginning”   
”And did she ended up having feelings for you?” Anya sighed.  
”No, I asked her to come with me to Bali and she got like angry and confused and slammed the door on me” Lexa explained.   
”You asked her to come with her? After you told her no feelings involved? What the heck did you expect her to do? Jump happily after a girl that just wants sex? No wonder she’s pissed.”   
”She’s not angry and what so wrong about that?” Lexa asked. ”I liked her, I liked her company and we had amazing sex”   
”Can I ask you something?” Anya swallowed the last piece of her food. ”Why did you want her, of all the girls you been with… you would never ask any of them to go with you on a trip like this?”   
”No I wouldn’t, but I never saw them more than maybe three times, Clarke was different” Lexa simply answered.   
”You felt something for her, didn’t you?” Anya smiled.   
”I don’t know, I just knew I wanted to spend more time with her.” Lexa sighed this time. ”Plus she you know, to scared to face the fact she’s into girls. I didn’t want to open up to someone who would wake up one day and deciding to be straight.”   
”So… This is great news Lexa”   
”How is this great news?” Lexa looked at her sister confused.  
”It means that you still have a heart… and who knows? Maybe Clarke blamed that because you said you didn’t do feelings? Ever thought about that?” She hadn’t.  
”It’s not like she’s out of the closet now” Lexa stated.   
”Because she met Finn, she didn’t have to. You left!”   
”And she’s still with Finn”   
”Well it explains why she needs to think about working with you… you guys have like unfinished business”   
”We where never a thing”   
”You guys had something”  
”Shut up Anya” Lexa stood up and took their garbage and threw it away. ”I can’t think about this”   
”Listen, I am gonna be hard on you with this. Just because you got your heart broken one time, does not mean it’s gonna happen again. Heart break is a part of growing up for most people, but you learn from it and get stronger. You don’t isolate yourself for the rest of your life - you are like the youngest person to be as successful as you are. That is not a failure”  
”That’s because I am focusing on my goals, emotions would just of stopped me from ending here”  
”Well, now you are here. It’s time to find someone to share this with. One nights stand is not gonna fill that hole in your heart, it’s just gonna make you feel lonelier.”   
”My lunch break is over Anya, I need to work” Lexa didn’t reply to what her sister said.  
”You deserve to be happy to” Anya yelled as Lexa threw her out of the room.  
”Always a pleasure” Lexa yelled back, her assistance looked at her sister and then back to her again.  
”What are you starting at? Back to work!” Lexa informed her and the red haired panicked and looked back down at her computer.

***

Sundays was always the movie nights with Finn for Clarke, in a way she felt like they where an old couple already getting their traditions and it was to risky to suggest something else. Not that she did not like them, she invented them it was just for a fact that the she knew the weekend would be over soon because of it. This Sunday was extra hard, she could not focus on the movie - thank god it was Finn’s turn to pick so at least he could enjoy the action filled movie he picked from Netflix. Tomorrow was her meeting with Lexa, she had decided on her outfit and placed it on a chair in their room, she knew at what time to leave so she would not be late - it was still important and she wanted to make a good impression. The sad part of this, Lexa was the only one to believe in her, she should be grateful about the fact. Finn had been right about that part, Lexa took her job really serious and she would not do this if she did not think it was a great business deal for her as well. She felt somehow honored but freaked out at the same time, this was her last shot and if Lexa was the one to sponsor her - even if it maybe wasn’t the most ideal in Clarke’s mind… Lexa believed in her art and she was overwhelmed by the fact. 

”Hey babe, it’s getting pretty late and this movie sucked…” They where cuddling in the couch laying down, Finn was the big spoon. ”Think I am going to bed, up early tomorrow” he kissed her neck.   
”Okay babe, I will join you a bit later” Clarke was wide awake with her thoughts, she would not be able to sleep now.  
”You’re gonna be great tomorrow, she wants you Clarke!” The words kind of felt wrong for him to say, because Lexa had indeed wanted Clarke five years ago - but in a total different way.  
”Hopefully she still wants to sponsor me”   
”Otherwise she would of not booked this meeting princess, you’re truly amazing of course she still wants to sponsor you”   
”Yeah… I don’t know what I would do otherwise honestly” Clarke admitted.  
”Just be you, she will help you achieve your goals. Just look at her success with her clients, she’s the best in this industry” Finn was really impressed with Lexa, she wondered if he would say the same things if he knew about their past.   
”Thank you” Clarke leaned over and reached for a kiss. ”Goodnight babe”   
”Goodnight princess, you will have to call me after the meeting and let me know, I am guessing you will be a sleep when I go” Finn chuckled as he stood up.  
”She don’t expect me to be ready with breakfast at 05:00 in the morning” Clarke threw a pillow after him.  
”A guy can always dream” He laughed and threw her kiss goodbye as he left the room. The blonde could not help but to smile, Finn was truly an amazing guy, a true prince charming. It took some time before they got serious but as soon as she fell for his charm, smile, heart she was all about him. He wasn’t just handsome he was a husband material, Clarke just wasn’t sure if she was his wife material. It sounds crazy but even how much she loves Finn, the same butterflies and excitement had faded and it was hard to ignore the fact. She was happy though, she was. 

***

Monday morning.

Clarke had woken up way to early, she wanted the time to get ready and she didn’t feel like stressing. Now she regretted the fact, because she was fully dressed, black jeans, white shirt - simple but she looked classy. Her make-up was simple but her red lips really completed the look. She had never been a big fan of breakfast the first thing in the morning, she would have to be awake a few hours to get hungry - coffee was the answer and she already had two cups. She wouldn’t have to leave until 20 minutes but she had already been starting at the watch for 15 minutes. Should she stop by some cafe and bring… coffee? Just for the gesture, no that is silly. She decided to brush her teeth once more and then she put on her shoes slowly - awesome that was 10 more waste minutes - she headed out. Screw it, she could be early - blame that she didn’t want to get stuck in traffic.

The building she parked in front was huge, it was a glass filled building with probably 50 floors? Maybe more? It was insane and Clarke probably looked like a lost tourist entering the building, she was extremely surprised and thankful when she saw a man with a sign ”Clarke Griffin” on it.  
”That’s me” The blonde informed him and shyly pointed at the sign.  
”Perfect Miss Griffin, or is Mrs?” He asked.  
”Just call me Clarke” He led her to the reception and talked to the woman who sat there, she seemed to be reminded of something he said, she sat straighter in her chair and put on the biggest smile on her face that was not there seconds ago.  
”Miss Griffin, honored to meet you. You will take that lift” She took a pause and pointed to the left. ”To floor 65, there you will be greeted by Miss Woods assistance that will show you the way to her office” She informed her.  
”Thank you” Clarke smiled.  
”You must be really special for Miss Woods to want to meet you personally” The blonde seemed super exited about the fact, I have only seen her like once run through the main entrance. I think she uses another elevator? I mean this place is huge - must be another way. She is like the coolest person every don’t you think? Just wow you know, can you let me know if she’s as beautiful as in the pictures? I mean she has it all don’t she?” The man that had been carried the sign cleared is throat. ”Oh shit.. I did it again. I am sorry”  
”It’s okay, thank… again” Clarke was still shocked about her rambling like a fan girl about the brunette.

The elevator felt like forever but she finally reached… floor 65, still unbelievable to the blonde.   
”Miss Griffin” Everyone was so polite and it felt like she was in a movie. ”You are a bit early but Miss Woods are waiting and ready for you”  
”Okay, thanks” Clarke was still out of words, she just followed the red-haired girl until they reached a door. Clarke could only tell the office would be amazing, the area outside looked like an art museum but like a modern one. A desk placed close by, probably belonged to the girl now knocking on Lexa’s door.   
”Come in” A familiar voice answered back and the assistant opened the door so Clarke could enter. She was speechless about the room and she wanted to it all in, it was just hard to focus with Lexa sitting behind her dress in a black suit, her wavy hair styled to perfection, seemed like the brunette had went for the red lipstick as well. She looked freaking hot and Clarke could not ignore the fact, maybe it was something about her high position - everything leading up to this moment and you get greeted by this?   
”Hello Clarke” Lexa rolled her name again, she smirked - this time it only made Clarke weak as fuck - what was going on in her mind?  
”Thank you for doing this” Clarke was out of words.  
”Please take a seat” Lexa pointed to the chair in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Another chapter! I really hope you like it and I wish you a great Saturday, it's 5 in the morning lol and I am going to work - cheer me up haha! 
> 
> Have a nice weekend and please let me know what you think!


	5. Business partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa agrees to work together - both knowing it might be a bit difficult.

She was early to the office, Lexa had to be. This was the first time Clarke visited her workplace and she wanted to make a good impression. She informed everyone about a very important client and that everyone had to make her feel more than welcome. She ordered her assistance Alice to have some breakfast ready, at least coffee, she wanted someone to wait for her at the entrance. Was it to much? Lexa didn’t care, she wanted to take this fight now and she wanted to win her over. She was gonna be professional, to make sure Clarke knew she was serious. She had her best suit on and her mind was wide awake. It was just until the door opened and Clarke walked in looking stunning, everything went blank in her mind. She struggled not to eye her top to toe, she knew the blonde would notice if she did.  
”Please take a seat” She needed the blonde to sit down to avoid checking her body out. ”Do you want coffee, tea - juice? I don’t now whatever you want?” Lexa asked her, she got nervous.  
”Coffee is fine” Clarke smiled while Lexa reached for her phone placed on her desk and pressed a button.  
”Alice can we get two cappuccino” She looked at Clarke again. ”Something to eat?” The blonde was out of words. ”Bring two croissants” Thanks” Lexa sounded so different at work, it was fascinating.   
”It’s not necessary” Clarke was nervous.   
”Let’s see this meeting as two…” Lexa struggled to find the right words, she settled with ”girls having breakfast talking about a great idea… we don’t have to it more complicated than that.” Lexa spoke. ”Clarke I would not do this unless I believed in your art - If I lied to myself about it I would not be able to sell it someone else - do you follow?” She asked.  
”Okay, that’s good to know” Clarke said. ”I am honored that you want to be apart of this, you have done incredible things” First smile on Lexa, it was barely visible but Clarke spotted it.   
”So are you trusting me to take you to the top ba” Lexa almost slipped and said babe. ”because…that’s the plan” Clarke laughed this time.  
”Nice save” and Lexa laughed with her.  
”It just comes natural” and now the tension was broken and it become easier to breath.  
”I do trust you with this Lexa” Clarke said honestly.  
”Well I have to warn you, it does not come easy…We are gonna have to work hard because you are new to the market and you will probably yell at me more than once. It’s gonna be long days, evenings and perhaps night.” Lexa informed her.  
”So… just like old times?” Clarke slipped this time, she could not help it and it was inappropriate. ”shit sorry” She said quickly.   
”Clarke” She rolled her name once more and leaned closer to Clarke over the table and looked dead serious into her eyes. ”I don’t have sex with people I work with, so don’t get any ideas” she winked and the blonde could not help but to stare into her green eyes, she had always drowned in them and the brunette knew that for a fact. She was teasing her, well two could play that game. Clarke leaned in closer, her lips almost, just almost, touched Lexa’s cheek as she leaned in for her ear to whisper.  
”I have a boyfriend” She could feel the brunette shiver and once again a knock made them jump away from each other.   
”Yes” Lexa yelled annoyed this time.  
”It’s me, I got your breakfast”  
”Come in”

The red-haired girl, obviously named Alice struggled to get through the door with all that she was caring, Clarke felt sort of bad for her and stood up to help her.   
”Thank you, I got it” Clarke smiled as she took the bag and the coffees.  
”Thank you” Alice looked at her with big eyes.  
”That’s it Alice” Lexa told her and the girl was quickly out of the office but closed the door carefully.  
”Do you have to be so harsh?” Clarke asked Lexa.  
”It’s about respect, I am a woman and I need to remain bossy otherwise people will try to run me over” Lexa said.  
”Here” Clarke handed her one of the cappuccinos.   
”Thanks” Lexa mumbled, she seemed a bit more off than she was before.   
”So where do we start?” Clarke asked.   
”So I been thinking about it, your art… I want you to tell a story with each peace, they should all connect to the one last picture - that’s gonna be a huge canvas” Lexa seemed to see the vision in front of her as she spoke.  
”A story?” Clarke wondered.  
”You’re an artist, express your feelings I just want it all to connect in the end. The talent here is you, I can’t paint or tell you what to do” Lexa took a sip of her drink.   
”And what are you doing?”   
”For now, all the behind the scenes work. It would be perfect if we could meet up on…” Lexa checked her calendar. ”Thursday, we are gonna check out some places I found that they rent out where we are gonna have the exhibition.”   
”Already?” Clarke asked surprised.  
”No time to wait” Lexa smiled. ”Also we need to get your face out there for the world, if we keep pushing to the end date people will feel like they already know you and they are gonna feel the urge to go”  
”This is…wow, can’t believe this is happening” Clarke had to take a moment and realize she was one step closer to her dream.  
”You need to start working on your art, I want at least 30 paintings” Lexa said. ”And tell me it’s to much” she could read the blondes mind. ”You have 6 months, 24 hours a day - and I will keep you motivated”   
”Okay” Clarke did not know what to say.   
”Brilliant” Lexa smiled wide this time, she stood up and started pacing around in the room, like she was thinking, she stopped by her window and just got caught in the amazing view. ”Have you seen this” she asked the blonde and Clarke moved her way to the window.  
”Can’t believe you get to see this everyday” Clarke was amazed by the view.  
”All of these people are gonna know your name in 6 months” Lexa said. ”I don’t know if you know about this… but sometimes magazines write about me. Take pictures and post online”  
”Like paparazzi?” Clarke asked.  
”Well becoming the most successful 19 year old working with celebrities does that apparently, not all the time but yes, sometimes” Lexa said. ”I just want you to be prepared, the word is already out there, that I am working with my next client personally. It’s been a while so people are gonna be nosey - just be prepared”   
”I never realized you where this famous, now it makes sense on how much Finn brag about you”  
”So you guys talk about me, interesting” Lexa raised her eyebrows.  
”We talk about the fact that you want to sponsor me” Clarke said.  
”So does he know that we had sex?” Lexa asked now facing Clarke instead of the view. She could not help but asked, she was honestly curious about it.  
”No, I don’t know all about his past partners so…”   
”Okay, interesting. Well I guess I was an experiment for you after all” Lexa stated.   
”Don’t say that” Clarke looked at the brunette now as well - they where not speaking as business partners anymore.   
”You said you where experiencing your sexuality, I mean I guess I was the only girl you had sex with? And you wondered why I didn’t want to involve feelings” Lexa scoffed.   
”Do you know how miserable you sound when you keep pointing that out, I life without love sounds terrible!” Clarke raised her voice.  
”I didn’t want to get hurt by you” Lexa took a step closer. ”I hate straight girls, trying something for fun and then ending up hurting others when it starts to get real”   
”For your information then - no you are not the last girl I slept with… and I wouldn’t fucking do that and for you to say that just show how you don’t know me at all” Clarke was still speaking loud.   
”Liar” Lexa looked angry, almost betrayed.   
”Maybe you should stop lying to yourself Lexa!” Clarke locked eyes with green now, she had no idea how they got to this conversation.   
”We are both good at playing that game” Lexa was standing really close now. ”Who did you have sex with then?” Lexa did not recognize her self, she was sure she was gonna handle this professional but Clarke just screwed with her mind somehow, she should not ask about this.  
”That is none of your business” Clarke frowned.  
”So there is no one?” Lexa scoffed again.   
”Fuck it…” Clarke took a deep breath. ”Her name is Niylah, she’s in my art class” Lexa now took a step back.   
”I am sorry Clarke” The brunette snapped back to reality. ”I’m not like this with people I work with…” Lexa seemed stressed by the fact, the blonde moved closer and put an hand on her shoulder.  
”You and me are like fire and gasoline, I am not a normal client and I guess you have to be ready for that - if you still want to cooperate with me. I can’t promise you we wont argue, I guess we still have things left unsaid.”   
”Of course I still want to work with you… and I guess you’re right. You’re not like the rest of them, I have never worked with someone I know before”   
”It’s a first for everything” Clarke smiled.   
”I was your first” Lexa chuckled and stuck her tongue out like a little kid.   
”Yeah but who said the first has to be the best?” Clarke winked and the funny faced turned into a surprised face.   
”No… for real?” Her voice got high pitched and Clarke just laughed.   
”Should we get back to business?” She teased.  
”For real?” Lexa repeated herself.   
”I am gonna head down to the studio” Clarke informed her. ”Thank you for the breakfast.”  
”Are you joking?” Lexa walked after and stopped the blonde from leaving as she pressed the door closed.   
”Why is this so important to you?” Clarke raised her eyebrow.   
”It’s not I just…I thought we had great sex” Clarke was surprised by the words this time ”Sorry, but it’s true… and I don’t want some Niylah to take that away from me”   
”Are you actually jealous right now?” Clarke chuckled.  
”Just tell me and I will stop bother you about it” Lexa suggested, Clarke tried to open the door but Lexa pushed it again. This time she took her other hand so Clarke’s body was stuck in-between them, they where close. The blonde was not ready about the move, how come they ended up this close all the time? Lexa had this smirk in her smile again, it was something else as well - Clarke could see the hunger in her eyes, she had seen that look many times before. The blonde swallowed, her attraction to Lexa right now was unbelievable. She was weak, the brunette made her so fucking weak.   
”Tell me” Lexa breathed, the brunette was dead serious looking into blue eyes, the blonde could not focus and she tried to remember how to breath again.   
”You” Clarke could not focus on anything else but the brunettes beautiful shaped lips.   
”I what?” Lexa smiled this time.   
”I had better sex with you, it was amazing and you fucking know that! Stop pushing me for an answer you already know” Clarke whispered, she didn't want Alice to hear them.  
”Was it so hard to just tell me that?” Lexa looked happy, she moved really close to Clarke, the blonde was still stuck between her arms, what was the brunette doing? She heard the door crack open - of course she was teasing her.  
”Thank you very much Miss Griffin, I am looking forward to working with you” The door was opened and Lexa was not close to her anymore she offered an hand shake and Clarke rolled her eyes as she took it.  
”Thank you Miss Woods” She imitated Lexa.   
”Always my pleasure” Lexa winked. ”You know you are in good hands” the pun intended was to obvious and Clarke could not help but chuckle, she mimed ”idiot” and it made Lexa smile.  
”Bye Alicia!” Clarke smiled.  
”Bye Miss Griffin”  
”Call me Clarke please” She smiled towards her.  
”Be here 10:30 on Thursday” Lexa yelled after the blonde, she just waved in response. What the hell where they doing? Clarke had no idea she just knew she hadn’t feel this giggly in a really long time, all the emotions she felt in that one hour? She hadn’t felt in weeks. Working with Lexa was probably not a good idea…

***

Lexa leaned against the closed door as soon as Clarke was out of sight, she took some deep breaths. What the hell was she doing? Everything was fine until the blonde brought up Finn and of course it got worse when she mentioned the sex with another girl. She just didn’t like Clarke with someone else, she wasn’t hers to claim but the idea of it annoyed her. The fact that she was not the only girl she had been with was surprisingly…Lexa didn’t know how to express the feeling - she was fine with thinking the blonde was just enjoying the great sex they had - and then went back to boys. The fact that this was not case changed the whole picture, could Clarke actually be bisexual? Lexa hated that she got flashbacks from her ex-girlfriend now, everything just eating her up. She learned the hard way to fall for someone who’s insecure about their sexuality and people wonder why she keeps it simple. Does it really make her a bad person? The fact that she loved to hard and she got her heart torn in pieces - is it really bad that she want to protect herself from that? That does not mean she’s emotionless, she still feels things. She just does not let people close enough to hurt her. Clarke…the girl that screwed with her mind one too many times. There was a reason she left earlier than planned, if she would of stayed she knew… fuck she knew she was gonna fall for Clarke. Every other girl, it was easy, after the third date she took distance and it was easy - that was the plan with the blonde as well - it did not work obviously. It was just something about her, she could not get enough. Lexa was strong minded, she knew what she wanted, how to act, she didn’t take bullshit, she was honest and she figured out how to block her emotions - with Clarke all of that was gone. She didn’t behave the same around her and she could not control her sayings or actions. If Clarke knew she had this much control over her…she could not find out. 

They had been flirting right? She was not imagining the unnecessary touching and teasing - like the other day at Clarke’s studio…maybe that was the brunettes fault, she had learned Clarke’s weakness and it seemed like it still worked. They where leaning into a kiss - or at least that’s what it felt like. Lexa just could not help her behavior - her whole body screamed from the blonde. The flirting, the tension the mystery between them - it made her crazy. Anya was wise in that way - she knew Clarke must be special, she had seen her treat other girls - nothing really to be proud off. Her sister thought she needed to love and be loved… that bothered her because she would rather not break again. Did she every feel lonely? She didn’t think about it, if she wanted company she got herself company. 

She needed to get the blonde out of her mind though, she could not keep doing this, especially not if they where gonna work together. Lexa took out her phone and a familiar swipe took her to Tinder, she scrolled until she saw something at least interesting (it’s hard when you compare with Clarke).Lexa needed distraction and - well something to release the tension in her body. She opened their chat, she reminded her self what they had been chatting about and then she typed:

 

Lexa: Hey, still want to catch that drink? It’s on me ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up! Another update - I noticed I had some misspelling in previous chapter and I am sorry - English is not my native language so I don't catch everything. (I know it's annoying to read and kind of destroys the flow) Will try to read it through more carefully for now.
> 
> Anyway - let me know what you think! Lexa is on tinder are you guys on tinder? Lol haha.   
> Have a nice week!


	6. Contracts and confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble is back in town

Clarke was glad she had the art, sometimes it was such a relief painting and getting all her emotions out on a canvas. She was sketching, trying to think of a story she wanted to tell. She wanted to portray something important to her, personal growth was in her top ideas. She wanted to be proud of her work - but also be proud of herself and her story she was suppose to tell. 

Lexa had messaged her earlier the same morning on Facebook asking for her phone number and email, she had been really firm. Clarke did not want to think much about it but something felt strange about it - like it was business Lexa speaking to her. The brunette had also informed her she was stopping by around lunchtime for Clarke to sign some papers, the clock was ticking and Clarke could not help but turn every time she heard a car park outside.

It was maybe 20 minutes later when she was used to look over the shoulder that she saw the brunette step out of a black car - of course she had a personal driver. Clarke dropped everything to watch the scene outside her window. Another girl, blonde tall and extremely beautiful stepped out as well, who was she? Someone she was supposed to work with? The unknown girl walked around the car and Clarke could not help but to get annoyed as she saw her lean in to kiss Lexa, it was playful and the brunette laughed into their kiss. It was over sooner than it started and the blonde girl got back inside the car and Lexa started walking towards the building, Clarke was quick to pick up her brush so that she would look busily. 

”Clarke” Lexa greeted her as she opened the door to the studio. ”Sorry I forgot to grab your details the other day, very unprofessional to ask over Facebook”  
”Don’t worry about it” Clarke told her, she was moody now.  
”Yeah?” Lexa raised her eyebrows at the blondes attitude. ”Someone sort of distracted me” Lexa reminded her talking about their meeting.  
”A lot of things seem to distract you” Clarke regretted it but it was to late, the words was already spoken.  
”What’s that suppose to mean?” Lexa asked as she started to walk around inspecting Clarks work she’s done this morning. ”These are really cool, have you decided on what story you want to tell the world?”  
”The world?” Clarke frowned.  
”’I’m thinking big” Lexa smiled. ”What did you mean by a lot of things seem to distract me?” Clarke wished she had forgotten.  
”Never mind”  
”Well now I sure as hell want to know” Lexa told her as she walked closer to the blonde looking her in the eyes.  
”I saw you with that girl” Clarke admitted. ”I don’t know why I said it, it’s none of my business”  
”Indeed Clarke, it’s not!” Lexa studied the blonde. ”and you don’t need to worry about me getting distracted”  
”Good” Clarke took distance now as she could not stand being under Lexa’s gaze anymore. ”So you’re seeing someone, I mean that’s good…really good” Clarke had to fill the silence with noise.  
”It’s all just really good right?” Lexa chuckled as she made fun of the blonde using the word a bit to much in one sentence.  
”Don’t we have some papers to sign?” Clarke changed the subject.  
”We indeed do, soon you will be all mine” Lexa winked. ”All written and signed” The brunette put her bag on the table, she opened it and it was crazy organized. She pulled out a folder and started looking for the right documents. ”I’m guessing you want to read them through” Lexa mumbled.  
”I guess” Clarke accepted the papers, it was a lot to read. ”Am I signing for Nasa?”  
”Basically the same if you ask me” Lexa smiled. ”It’s literally saying that you are working with me and once you signed you’re not allowed to cooperate with anyone else or not include me in any of your projects”  
”Interesting…I will read them and..” Clarke never signed papers like this before.  
”If you agree to sign we sort it out in my office” Lexa knew she was clueless.  
”Alright then”  
”Perfect, I will have to run though. I have a hectic day in front of me with tons of work and I started it at bit too late so I am behind, keep creating your magic and let me know about the contract.”  
”I wonder why you started the day so late” Clarke teased and Lexa just shook her head as she headed towards the door, once she opened it she turned around.  
”Don’t worry about me getting distracted, I won’t let you down. I just need the distraction to focus on the right thing… or I guess to distract me from what I’m really thinking. Just don’t worry.” Lexa was out of the door before the blonde could respond to her. What did she mean by that? Distract her from what she was thinking? Clarke deep down knew the words where aiming towards her but could that really be the truth? The blonde didn’t wanna think, she grabbed her brush, she threw away her old sketch and placed a new canvas in front of her. She started over, more aggressive this time.

***

Arcadias OG’s. 

Raven: So when are we planning this months Friday?  
Jasper: I think I’m still hangover from the last one… NO TEQUILA THIS TIME!  
Bellamy: I am deciding, the drink of honor will be whiskey!  
Clarke: Does everyone hate me?  
Raven: HAHAHA!  
Octavia: OMG, I love Clarke when she drinks whiskey.  
Finn: Amazing!!  
Anya: Lexa!! We are waiting! You don’t want to miss Clarke when she’s drinking whiskey.  
Lexa: Well I want to have the place furnished first…  
Octavia: Please don’t tell me you still just have a bed in that apartment?  
Lexa: I really haven’t had the time…  
Anya: OMG SIS!  
Lexa: Sorry guys! When my apartment is done I promise a BIG moving in party ok!  
Clarke: Does this mean I don’t have to drink whiskey.  
Bellamy: Darling no, it just means you will be drinking it at my place instead.  
Raven: Savior of the day!!!!!!!  
Finn: Stop hitting on my girlfriend!  
Monty: Bellamy my brother you truly saved the day!  
Lexa: I owe you one Bell! 

Lexa smiled at the stupid conversation, she was actually impressed they organized this every month to keep in touch. It seemed to work because it felt like nothing changed between them. 

At the moment she was sitting on the floor eating take out sushi with her headphones plugged in, working at the same time. She looked around in the empty apartment, a desk would be helpful to start with - she did have the time, she could basically get people to do all of it for her. It was just something that scared her, getting settled meant that she really was gonna stay here. That was the plan but she had always tried to run away from the settling for as long as she could. Making this her home… living at hotels or temporary apartments alone wasn’t as miserable as creating a home for herself. This was permanent and accepting that was harder than she had imagined. 

It’s not like she was planning on leaving again, she actually liked being back… maybe her sister got to her after all, sometimes she was indeed lonely. Her heart had been broken but it had been indeed been loved as well - she knows how it feels to wake up next to someone every morning, sharing stories about your day, cooking… just that usually stuff you do in a relationship. 

The other day with her tinder date, worked for the moment but was it… maybe one night stands didn’t do it for her anymore? It was weird though, she never had any issues with it since she got back here. Okay Lexa knew the reason why, it was freaking Clarke that messed with her mind the same way she did five years ago. Lexa really never wanted to admit to herself that she started to develop feelings for her back then, thinking back now she believed it was obvious. She got jealous, she wanted Clarke to spend the nights with her - and not leave her as she always did, she went to parties just to find her… even asked Clarke to come with her to Bali. Lexa had just been to afraid to accept it back then but coming back here just makes her realize all of these things again - seeing things clearer and when Clarke caught her with Adriana that day it seemed like the blonde got a bit jealous? Lexa hated that she enjoyed it, seeing the blonde frustrated about it… but it also made her say stupid things. She remember how quick she closed that door behind her not leaving any space for Clarke to respond to her stupid confession. 

It’s really typical that perhaps the one person that can make Lexa rethink opening up to someone is in a relationship and is obviously not sure about her sexuality. Distraction… She was in deep water cooperating with Clarke Griffin. She didn’t think straight and she hated the fact that her walls she built for years was crushed by who… a girl who would probably never consider them as a couple. 

Lexa turned up the volume for her music, no! Nope, she was not doing this. She had been perfectly fine alone and she didn’t need someone now either. 

***

Clarke was happy to spend her evening with Raven and Octavia, she loved just hanging out with her best friends ordering food and having a glass of whine. It was thai and beer today though, Octavia’s idea and she usually got what she wanted. She was really strong minded and independent, Clarke admired that about her. It was pretty much the same with Raven but she was more of a strong surface that acted a bit more careless than she actually was. Sometimes Clarke had to shake it out from Raven - because it was obvious when she was hurting from something - even if Raven tried to hide it with humor.  
”So you and Anya?” Octavia smiled towards the Latina.  
”What can I say,I guess you really can’t blame who you fall for” Raven really looked like she was in love when she spoke about Anya.  
”So are you… like dating now? Like in a relationship” Clarke asked.  
”I think so, we never really like confirmed it but we’re sure acting like it. It’s just a matter of time I guess” Raven smiled.  
”Where you never afraid to tell us about it?” Clarke was more curios for herself.  
”You’re my best friends and I guess you loving me has not changed just because who I like?” Raven simply asked.  
”Of course babe!” Octavia was quick. ”We are only happy for you”  
”So…have you girls ever thought about it? Being with a girl?” Raven smirked.  
”I have - plenty of times actually” Octavia chuckled. ”but then - in the end of the day I know i’m a sucker for boys”  
”So… never?” Clarke asked.  
”I realized I’m not attracted to girls, what about you?” Octavia turned to Clarke and she took an extra big sip from her beer, trying to save some time to answer the question.  
”Yeah?” Raven agreed, she wanted to know as well.  
”Actually…” her friends seemed perfectly fine with it. ”I don’t have to think about since…it already happened” Clarke felt more than relief saying these words to her friends. Like she was 1000 pounds easier.  
”NO WAY?!” Raven looked extremely proud of the fact. ”Why have you never told us?”  
”Yeah what the fuck Clarke?” Octavia laughed.  
”Honestly… I guess it was scary for me to admit it, not that I have anything against it or anything. Just me being insecure about my sexuality I guess.” Clarke loved getting this of her chest.  
”You should know you can always talk to us” Octavia pouted.  
”Yes, you have nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. If anything we will always have your back!” Raven informed the blonde.  
”I love you girls” Clarke smiled.  
”So… who was the lucky lady?” Raven looked at her with a playful look.  
”So… I first… Niyhla is one of them” Clarke was not ready to tell them about Lexa.  
”So that’s why you study so late huh?” Raven laughed.  
”It only happened once, we’re actually just friends now” Clarke smiled. ”and if you haven’t noticed I do do have a boyfriend” she also reminded the Latina.  
”So… one of them?” Octavia remember what Clarke said a second ago. ”Who’s the other?” Clarke swore to herself in her brain, why did she just not say Niyhla?  
”That… it’s someone I actually saw for a while. I liked her… and how much I like to tell you I am not ready yet, okay?” Clarke tried to sound so sincere as possible.  
”You get this one as a free pass” Raven stated.  
”Next time I want the gossip!” Octavia said.  
”So you actually liked this person? And you where insecure about your sexuality? How… like what happened?” Raven asked.  
”Well… since I told this girl I was just experience myself - like she was my first so it was not just a lie - but then I guess I was to afraid to admit to her that I actually was… bisexual I guess”  
”Clarke you are like so much more interesting now!” Raven chuckled.  
”Thanks I guess?” Clarke did not know if it was an compliment or not. ”Anyway…I think that pushed her away and she informed me she was just in it for the sex anyways”  
”So you both lied about your feelings for each other?” Octavia asked.  
”I don’t know actually, like… I think she got her heart broken really bad and I mean me being unsure about myself - I don’t think she wanted to risk being hurt again”  
”Are you sure now?” Raven asked.  
”I have been thinking about it a lot since you and Anya started dating… and yes I am pretty sure I am attracted to both girls and boys”  
”Does Finn know?” Octavia asked.  
”No… please don’t tell him. I will… when I’m ready” Clarke had too tell him.  
”But this thing between you and that girl - like it’s over right?” Octavia asked.  
”Yes” Clarke chuckled. ”First of all this was a long time ago and I don’t even think we started something to begin with… we never gave it an honest chance”  
”I really want to know who you’re talking about”  
”Raven…” Clarke rolled her eyes.  
”Okay… Okay.” Raven hated not knowing, Clarke could tell. She was gonna nag until she got Lexa’s name.  
”So how does it feel? Finally saying this out loud?” Octavia asked.  
”It feels amazing honestly, you guys are so supportive and I wished I said it sooner”  
”Everyone need to figure it out in their own time” Raven smiled. ” Glad you did”  
”Well cheers to you Clarke, congrats” Octavia raised her glass smiling.  
”Cheers to us” Clarke smiled back.

***  
Lexa woke up the next day with her phone ringing, she tried to ignore it but it kept ringing and after a while she gave up. She was surprised to see it was Anya and not work calling, her sister showed up on her screen again and she was quick to answer this time. What if something happened?  
”Whats wrong?” Lexa asked worried.  
”Why don’t you pick up your damn phone!” Anya yelled at her.  
”Chill, what’s going on?” Lexa asked. ”Are you okay?”  
”I am calling to warn you Lexa…I just I have to turn of my phone for class and I don’t want you to be surprised!” Anya was sounding a bit upset.  
”Omg just tell me Anya! What’s this all about?”  
”Guess who’s back in town…”  
”No” Lexa gasped. ”She’s not back” her whole body stiffed.  
”Listen sis…”  
”Costia?” Lexa interrupted her sister she needed it confirmed to believe it.  
”I am sorry Lexa… she apparently just moved back to town…” Anya was still talking but Lexa hanged up…she was tearing up and shaking - shocked and overwhelmed with feelings.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yo!
> 
> A new update and I hope you like it!!! Give me feedback - I want to read what you think!  
> I made a trailer on youtube for my last story and I am thinking about doing the same with this one! Interesting? 
> 
> Hope you're all amazing and beautiful as always! Cheers.


	7. Signed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke signs her contract with Lexa.

”Lexa has cancelled all our plans this week so far” Clarke complained to Finn as he was getting ready for work.  
”She probably have a good reason” Finn yawned.   
”We are supposed to sign the contracts today - I mean for me it feels like second guessing” Clarke said frustrated.”What if she cancel this as well?”  
”Ask her princess” Finn leaned into Clarke who was still laying in bed and kissed her cheek.   
”She doesn’t reply to my texts or call - not for the whole week” Clarke was scared but it didn’t make any sense. Lexa was not this unprofessional - if she was not interested anymore she would tell Clarke. She always stood her ground and was honest but something was up though.   
”Well babe go visit her or call her assistance… I am sorry but I have to run” Finn said with a sad face.   
”It’s okay babe I know” Clarke nodded.  
”Love you” Finn yelled as he left the room. 

Alice… why did Clarke not think about her before? She dialed the number Lexa had given her earlier last week.   
”This is Alice speaking” a familiar voice answered the phone.  
”Hi, it’s Clarke Griffin I am trying to reach Lexa”  
”I understand. She does not take any calls or texts at the moment - can I forward something to her?”   
”Why…?” Clarke changed her mind. ”Yeah I am just checking if we’re still meeting at 17:00 for the contract”   
”Checking the schedule, one moment” Alice was quiet for a minute. ”Indeed, it’s still booked. Did you hear anything about it being cancelled?” she asked.  
”No…no! Just - thanks Alice. Have a nice day”   
”Have nice day Clarke, miss Woods are looking forward for today. Bye” 

What the hell? No text or phone communication? Why? Clarke could not forget about it, she spent all morning wondering why? The meeting was still on the table, everything seemed to be okay. Was it something she did? She can’t stop thinking about the last words that slipped out from Lexa mouth, ”distract myself from what I’m really thinking”. What if she was avoiding her because of that? 

The time went by slow but eventually she finally stood in Lexa’s huge hobby greeting the same chatty receptions as before.  
”Miss Griffin!” She smiled and Clarke nodded with a smile in response. ”I hope you can cheer Miss Woods up” she lowered her voice. ”She’s been moody all week and we’re all walking on egg shell here”   
”Interesting” Clarke replied.

She made her way up to the highest floor and Alice welcomed her and assisted her to Lexa’s office.   
”Clarke” Lexa was not looking at her as she entered the room, she looked numb staring out the window.  
”Are you ignoring me or something?” That caught the brunettes attention, she snapped back and gazed the blonde.  
”Why would I ignore you?” She asked clueless.   
”You have not replied to me all week” Clarke stated and as she was informed by Alice earlier Lexa should be aware of what she was talking about.   
”I needed to focus on my work, that’s all. If it bothered you that much I’ll turn it on again” Lexa seemed indeed to be in a mood.   
”It would just be nice to actually get a hold off you if we’re gonna work together” Clarke replied.   
”Speaking off…” The papers where ready on the table and she pushed them over to Clarke’s side.  
”Where do I sign?” Clarke asked.  
”Darling…” Lexa sighed as she stood up and walked around to get on Clarke’s side of the table - she was wearing a tight skinned dress with high heels, Clarke could not help but stare as the brunette moved, it was ridiculous hot…   
”Seeing something you like?” Lexa smirked.   
”Just show me where to sign” Clarke quickly looked at the contract in front of her but it was to hard to focus with the brunette leaning over her shoulder - being unnecessarily close. Lexa must have noticed because she was taking her time.  
”Here” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear, touching it slightly as she pointed at the bottom of the paper, the blonde signed. ”Turn paper” Lexa was so close that the blonde was forgetting how to breath property. ”Sign here” this time the brunette dragged her hand all the way from Clarke shoulder to her hand and grabbed it gently, she moved Clarke’s hand to the middle of the paper - the blonde signed but it had the be the ugliest signature she ever put on a piece of paper.   
”Last one” the blonde was hypnotized for real this time like in a trance. Clarke was apparently finished with the contract but she could not move or speak, the brunette figured and she used her finger on Clarks cheek to force her to look at the brunette. They where to close now, Lexa was looking at her dead serious. ”We’re partners now” she told her as she caressed Clarke’s cheek with her hand.  
”Please stop” Clarke begged.   
”Do you want me to?” Lexa locked eyes with blue as she slowly moved closer and it was only inches between their lips now.   
”Tell me to stop and I will” Lexa whispered and as her lip slightly touched Clarke’s she could not take it any more, she grabbed the back of Lexa’ neck and forced the last space between them to collide. The brunette was hungry as well and grabbed the blondes hips and forced her to stand up they then moved to the ass like the most normal habit in the world, she pressed the blonde closer as their lips kept exploring each other like they had missed each other for years.   
”Wait” Clarke suddenly pushed the brunette away from her, she had to catch her breath and Lexa seemed to be doing the same as she waited for the blonde to continue speaking. ”This is wrong”   
”Why is this wrong?” Lexa tried to move closer again but the blonde took a step back.   
”Because I have a boyfriend” Clarke was still out of breath, her heart was pounding and she was focusing on her every muscle not to jump all over Lexa.   
”You do” Lexa moved back to her chair, she fixed her dress and collected the contract. ”I guess that’s all then” she said.   
”Wait…that’s it?” Clarke asked.  
”We got caught in a moment” Lexa seemed to not bother at all, like what they just did was the most normal thing in this world.   
”Can’t we talk about it?”   
”I rather not” Lexa snapped at her. ”I am perfectly fine skipping your story on how much you love your boyfriend and that this was a mistake”   
”Lexa…” The brunette was angry.   
”Get out” she looked into Clarke’s eyes once more, the blonde tried to read her green eyes, it looked like she was hurting.  
”That’s not what I was gonna say” she said.  
”GET OUT” Lexa raised her voice this time and green turned to anger and the blonde knew it was time to leave.   
”Are you ever gonna grow up Lexa?” Clarke just shook her head and angrily turned her heel, she slammed the door as she left the office. 

***

Clarke was upset, she was painting and it was raw and aggressive. Not only did she make-out with Lexa - she cheated on Finn and then she got thrown out the office. Fuck…Finn. The worst part was that she was more annoyed with Lexa at the moment than worrying about her boyfriend, it was terrible but it was hard to lie to herself. 

The kiss…she could not get over the kiss either, the raw passion and longing for the other was incredible strong. She had wanted every piece of Lexa in that moment - she’s surprised she was strong enough to take a step back and snap out of it. Truth to be told her body had been screaming for her, the tension when they had signed that contract, Lexa being extremely close… touching her - the affect that girl had on her was insane.

Should she tell Finn? All of her intensions said no - if she did he would leave her and she was not ready for that. Was that selfish, yes 100% selfish but - it was probably like Lexa said, they got caught up in the moment. Hopefully this would take away all of tensions between them and they could just be coworkers. Keeping this from Finn was only gonna save them from destroying what they had. This… what she just did was horrible and she had never thought she would cheat on anyone in her life. She was loyal and has always been…it was just…Lexa. 

How was things gonna be between them now? Like she was supposed to be the most happiest girl in the world right now, she got a sponsor and she was signed and ready to start her project. A proud moment to call her teacher to tell her all about it - but she was just to overwhelmed by everything.

Like how where they suppose to go further from this, what if Lexa was pissed at her? Angry or maybe ripping the contract dropping her as a client - they had to talk about this. Fucking no feelings bullshit - she hated that the brunette couldn’t just admit that she’s truly just a girl who wants to be loved. Like every other human being in the world, she wondered what happened to her that made her this scared of getting hurt again. 

***

Lexa took a deep breath, she was outside Clarke’s teachers studio watching her in the window. She had to talk to her, they where gonna work together and they needed to sort this out, she carefully knocked on the door. The blonde looked at her and nodded as in sign for her to come in.  
”Look” She took a deep breath again, she had to calm her nerves. ”I’m sorry”   
”Thank you?” Clarke looked surprised by the fact that she was apologizing.   
”I had a rough week and took it out on you, that was not fair”   
”Work?” Clarke asked.  
”I wish” Lexa admitted, she didn’t want to lie to the blonde - she never really did well expect for her feelings.   
”Are you okay?” Clarke dropped her brush and they decided to sit down in the little kitchen placed in the studio. It was just two bar chairs and a round table. ”You want something to drink?”  
”Vodka would probably help” Lexa slightly smiled, it was a bit forced.   
”Fuck” Clarke looked in the small fridge. ”Only thing I can offer is beer” she looked one more time and confirmed that yes - there was nothing else in there.  
”Thanks” Lexa took the beer and had a sip as she closed her eyes and enjoyed it. Her body was tired, her mind was tired - she was just so tired.  
”Wanna talk about it?” Clarke asked.   
”I found out about something earlier this week, kind of pissed me off” Lexa didn’t share many details. ”I carried so much hate and I could not shake it…until…” she hesitated.  
”Until?”   
”I saw you” Lexa searched for the blondes reaction, she seemed confused. ”I know it sound insane but when you stepped into my office today and I looked at you - everything went brighter for a second”   
”I don’t know what to say” Clarke took a sip of her beer, seemed like she was thinking.  
”I just want to explain my actions today. You can just listen” Lexa knew it was a bit much to take in, their day had been a rollercoaster for a fact. ”So…I know it might not make any sense to you but I just knew that I wanted that feeling to stay. It was like I was able to breath and I…I made the move I guess” Lexa took another deep breath followed by a new sip of beer it made space for Clarke to speak.  
”I don’t blame you for the kiss, I kissed you back remember?” Lexa smiled, of course she remember. The blonde had been as much into that kiss as she had been.  
”You did but I also started it…and then you…”  
”…pushed away” Clarke filled in the words.   
”Yes…I felt rejected and suddenly the hate was back. So every anger I build this week got slammed at you because of it.” Lexa sighed. ”I am sorry Clarke, can you please forgive me?”   
”Yes…I forgive you Lexa” Clarke smiled and Lexa stayed silent, she was exhausted and she was glad the blonde was so understanding. She wouldn’t know what to do if they would of continuing fighting. ”Wanna talk about?” The blonde interrupted her thoughts.   
”Not really” She admitted.  
”If you ever want too…I’m here okay?” She looked up and saw the sincere look in Clarks eyes and she smiled at her.   
”Thank you…I should probably go” They had already overstepped everything today.   
”Am I a terrible person Lexa?” Clarke suddenly asked.  
”Why?” she wondered.   
”I cheated today…and I’m not even sure if I regret it” Lexa’s heart skipped a beat and she looked at the blonde struggling. She looked stressed and confused.  
”We’re all human…and you’re not terrible Clarke…I can’t tell you how you should handle this but I do know that you have kind heart. Finn will see that too if he truly loves you”  
”I’m not sure if I can tell him” Clarke stood up and started pacing around, Lexa realized she could not leave - the blonde needed her to stay.   
”Hey” Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand to stop her from moving, the blonde turned around and they where facing each other. They always seemed to get close somehow.   
”He’s gonna hate me if I tell him about this” Clarke looked like she was about to tear up.  
”So don’t tell him?” It was probably not the best idea but Lexa didn’t like seeing the blonde like this, she wanted to make her feel better.  
”The worst part is…” Clarke was talking low and she gazed in to Lexa’s eyes, searching for something. Lexa tried to read her. ”I look at you and all I can think of…”  
”What?” Lexa wondered  
”Nothing…” The blonde closed her eyes like she was filled with regret.  
”Listen Clarke, I was selfish today. That’s who I am and just don’t ruin something good because of me” Lexa knew she could take the blame for this.  
”Lexa…you are not….” Clarke struggled to find words. ”I wanted you back, every inch of you”   
”Okay…” Lexa took a step back even though she did not want too but she needed to create some space, she was in deep water now and she had to protect herself. ”This…I’m gonna leave now okay? You’re gonna go home to your boyfriend…sleep and think about this because what you’re saying…”   
”Lexa…”   
”What you’re saying…just trust me. Go home Clarke and get some rest. It’s been an intense day for both you and me”   
”No” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand as she was about to walk away.  
”Let me go Clarke” She kindly asked, she could no take this right now. She didn’t want to hear all of this and then wake up filled with hope and Clarke was gonna realize she loves her boyfriend and….nope.  
”Why is it so hard for you to think I could actually like you?” Clarke asked and Lexa was so happy when she heard the knock on the door and Finn showed a happy smile entering the place.   
”Girls” He greeted them smiling. ”Are you celebrating?” he pointed towards the beer and then he took out a bottle of champagne he had been hiding behind his back. ”Can I join?”   
”I was just about to leave” Lexa smiled back at him. ”But you should definitely celebrate, Clarke signed the contract today and she will achieve great things…This is something to be happy about!”   
”Lexa” Clarke started but she interrupted her.  
”Thank you for today, glad we sorted everything out” She nodded goodbye to Finn and was quick out of that studio. 

Once she entered her car she watched the couple from distance…they where kissing and Lexa leaned back in her seat. She had tried to hold it together the whole week but she couldn’t to it anymore…she was hurting, she had been hurting for so long. She tried to take a deep breath to calm her down but everything that came out was a cry for help. Tears started running down her cheeks and she didn’t held back like she usually would.  
She had done the right thing though, she once again looked inside the window and spotted Clarke and Finn cheering two glasses off champagne. The blonde should not get involved with her emotional mess. She was too much to handle, the blonde was probably just confused. Lexa tried to wipe her tears away but it was useless…

She let herself break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I know this chapter took while but I actually re-writed it 3 times because I changed my mind...hehe. So I sort of rushed this a bit because I wanted to update and needed to make my mind up! 
> 
> I hope it's not a mess hehe. Thank you for reading my story! much love!


	8. Endings and beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's follow Lexa for a chapter!

After that day both Lexa and Clarke took some distance from each other, if was barely visible but they both knew they where somehow avoiding the other. Lexa had start making her assistant running her errands with the blonde. She knew she needed some time to process her breakdown and with Clarke in the picture it was hard to focus - not impossible but easier without the blonde. 

The days went by eventless and after some on and on arguments with her sister she had finally decided to go out with her and Raven and some of Anya’s friends. She had thought it was the perfect way yo meet someone and as Lexa had finally admitted she was ready to meet someone. Not like fully throw herself out there…but baby steps, to her surprised she actually did. She had met a girl named Sara and had ended up having a good time with her. 

When Sara had texted her the next day she had actually replied and they went on a date - it felt strange because Lexa was actually trying to get to know her. She was not closed up like usually, she listened and learned about this new girl. She was smart, funny and incredible beautiful - easy to talk to. 

It had been weird waking up after crying a whole night just telling herself that it was time to meet someone. At least getting herself out there - to see if she was worthy of being loved. It was terrifying and exiting at the same time.

So over the days Lexa got to know Sara, they met after work or even for quick lunches, they shared cute kisses and at some hand holding. It was simple and just the way Lexa wanted it to be for now and the feeling of someone asking about her day, how she was doing - it was something she had missed.

Her mind wondered to Clarke from time to time…the blonde was somehow the reason that she realized that she wanted more than meaningless one night stands. She couldn’t help to wonder why the blonde was able to crawl under her skin so deep. Or why she wasn’t as social as before? She was the one who had pushed at the gallery - Lexa stopped her. She probably was busy with Finn. Bellamy had his Friday gathering and everyone got to witness their fight - or at least hear it from the kitchen. She could still hear his voice scream ”WHY CAN’T YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES?” Lexa wondered if Clarke told him about them - or if she didn't and that was the reason. They had screamed for a while before Clarke had slammed the door and left everyone speechless. 

Was she okay? 

Lexa and Clarke did see each other but it was different now, the blonde was quite and seemed less joyful. The blonde seemed to distract herself with art - in one way that’s the way Lexa wanted it to be. Her clients to work as much as possible - but now she knew it was for the wrong reasons. Clarke was avoiding or distracting herself and she was a bit worried about her. 

So Lexa worked harder as well - because she didn’t want to go around and worry about Clarke - it was not her place to do so. The blonde had a boyfriend and they had issues they needed to work out.

Lexa she had a new interest she needed to focus on, Sara. 

Not only just focus on her but focus on herself, she needed to drop her no feeling attitude. She knew that and always deep down knew she was just pushing it. Lexa loved being loved and she loved loving someone - it was simple that way. Costia had just crushed her way on believing in it and she hated her ex for it. Or she used to hate her - she got over the hate and got left with a bad self-esteem instead. Lonely, confused and numb - she was done with that now - or at least she tried to be.

***  
Bellamys Friday Gathering  
***

The car ride was awkward as any other lonely time spent with Finn these days, Clarke could not look into his eyes anymore, she was feeling so guilty about the fact that she kissed Lexa.   
”Clarke?!” Finn was looking angry. ”Why don’t you answer me?”  
”Sorry…what did you say?” She had hard time focusing as well.  
”I just said, you don’t look or listen to me. First I thought you had a rough day but now this has been a pattern for almost a week?”   
”It’s just work” Clarke lied.   
”Work?” Finn did not believe her.   
”Yes, my head is not here right now I’m sorry Finn” Clarke struggled to look into his eyes but she had to force herself to be believable now.   
”So this is how things are gonna be now?” Finn frowned. ”You being distance and to busily to even have a normal conversation with me?”   
”FINN?!” Clarke raised her voice. ”I am working on my once in a life time project…I thought you would support me?” she was honestly upset by it now, how could he blame her project?  
”I’m just scared you’re gonna realize that you are to good for me and leave” Finn sighed.  
”What are you even talking about?”   
”You and me…this life we created. I knew party Clarke back in the days - the one filled with life, joy and motivation. I feel like I crushed her”   
”That’s not true Finn” Clarke shook her head.   
”When I met you… you wanted to travel the world, find inspiration for your art… explore new places and now…” Finn took a deep breath. ”The most exiting thing we do is our gatherings with Arcadia’s OG”   
”I love them Finn…where is all of this coming from?” Clarke was surprised.   
”You know what…forget it! I’m just tired and…you just been so quiet and I guess I’m overthinking…”   
”Well yes you are” Clarke was actually getting annoyed. ”Like right now Finn…this is when I need you and you start bringing this shit up?”   
”I didn’t mean to offend you Clarke”  
”Just park, we are here” they had arrived close to Bellamy’s house, the party mood was not really there anymore though.  
”Come on, why are you taking this the wrong way?” Finn asked and the blonde did not answer, she got out of the car and slammed it on her way out. ”Clarke?!” Finn lowered his voice as she grabbed her arm.  
”It sounds more like you want a reason to break up Finn” Clarke looked angry into his eyes and he was so surprised by her words that he let go of her arm. She took her chance and quickly walked towards Bellamy’s front door and knocked. Finn was slowly walking behind her and by the time he reached the porch Raven opened the door - no more space for discussion.  
”BABES!” She smiled.  
”I need a whiskey” Clarke gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then immediately made her way to the kitchen, she could feel Lexa stare at her but she was not in the mood for her either. 

***

”Hey darling, nice to meet you Sara” Anya greeted her sister and company as she opened her front door.   
”Nice to meet you too” Sara smiled and offered a handshake.  
”In my household we hug, I’m not as cold as my sister” Anya joked happily as they hugged.  
”Behave” Lexa teased.   
”Surprised you could take some time off so suddenly from work for my little dinner” Anya small talked as the entered the living room.  
”I am the boss” Lexa winked.  
”So other times you choose to blame work?” Anya asked.  
”Now you get it” Lexa teased with a big smile.   
”Sara!” Raven greeted them with Octavia and Lincoln behind her.  
”Nice to meet you” They all said their hello.  
”Anyone else who could make it?” Lexa asked - knowing exactly who she wondered about.  
”Bellamy and Jasper is joining us after work” Lincoln smiled, probably couldn’t wait to have someone to talk about soccer with.  
”I think that’s amazing for such a sort notice” Anya smiled.  
”Well we have to celebrate your new job babe” Raven smiled.   
”How about Finn and Clarke?” Lexa couldn't help it.  
”Oh yes Finn is probably joining us shortly, Clarke said she had to work”   
”Really?” Lexa asked surprised.   
”Well we all know Clarke - she probably already on her way” Raven laughed but Lexa was not so sure. ”I also told you would join Sara and that she had to meet you, we love new relationships” she laughed. ”You know we already roasted each other so it’s not funny anymore”

The conversation kept going but Lexa had a hard time focus - she knew Clarke would have seen them together if she got her but the feeling of Raven telling her about them. What the hell would she think? That she was bringing some random girl? That she had been lying to her about no feelings policy. 

She did not have to think about this, she put her arm around Sara and was met by a sweet smile.

The evening was…nice. There was a nice atmosphere and people just had a good time with each other. The played some silly games, had some really good chicken with dessert and Sara seemed to like it as well. Everyone was nice to her and Lexa appreciated it and she also liked the fact not being single on one of these events - they somehow seemed funnier. Well define single…she was not in a relationship she was just casually seeing someone. Taking one day at the time.

It was nice seeing her sister happy as well, her and Raven was good for each other. Both as sarcastic at the other, constantly joking and making each other laugh. Octavia and Lincoln was on a different level - there is always that one couple in a friend group that you just know are gonna stick together forever - get married and get kids. Well it was possible for all of them but Lincoln and Octavia just screamed true love, they had been together as long as she can remember and it was beautiful journey to see. Lexa realized she had never really reflected on the relationships in their friend group - probably because she was ignoring the fact. 

Bellamy seemed to still enjoy his glory years - he had new girls every now and then. Did not seem like an asshole or player - it was just that nothing ever lasted. Like he was looking for the right person and hadn’t met his match yet. Jasper was seeing someone as well - Lexa had never met her but he had promised he would bring her to the next Friday gathering. 

Then there was Finn…Lexa glanced over to study him, he looked lost in his mind - he was not with them but people did not seem to notice. To be fair Lexa hadn’t notice until now either.   
”Anyone wanna play poker?” Jasper suggested.  
”Should we wait for Clarke?” Octavia asked.  
”Where is she actually?” Raven wondered.  
”Fiiiinnny boy?” Bellamy looked at him but Finn did not hear them.  
”Are you deaf?” Raven joked.  
”What?” Finn finally joined the conversation and everyone started laughing at the slow response.  
”I’ll call her” The latina took her phone from the table and dialed Clarke and everyone started small talk in the mean time. ”I called her three times now, what the fuck” Raven sighed.  
”She’s always with her phone” Octavia looked confused.   
”Do you think something happened?” Raven asked worried.  
”I mean we talked to her earlier” Octavia stated.   
”She’s probably does not want to pick up” Finn told them.  
”What are you talking about?” Bellamy asked him.  
”I went to the studio before I got here…” Finn looked sad.  
”And?” Raven needed answer quick.  
”We broke up”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shorter than I intended it to be - I actually re-wrote this chapter as well and that's why it took some time. Sorry about that. It will be a bit faster updates now and I will try to make the chapters longer as well for you. 
> 
> What are you opinions on this chapter? :)
> 
> Aaall love to all of you!


	9. Overthinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say that time heal people.

It was a rainy day, but Clarke did no mind walking to the studio. She had spend the last days with her mom but her mother had dropped her off at her shared apartment with Finn. She was glad he wasn’t home, not just because she didn’t feel like talking to him at right now but the moment she had walked in she had started crying. All the memories had flashed back and it hurt knowing it was over between them.

She didn't stop crying, that’s why she like the rain - no one would notice her tears. 

***

3 days earlier.

”Clarke we can’t keep ignoring this” Finn looked desperate and Clarke stopped painting and looked over at him.  
”I know…” Clarke admitted, after their fight a Bellamy’s they had avoided or - Clarke had avoided the subject.   
”What happened…you can tell me anything?” Finn came closer.  
”I did something stupid” Clarke sighed, it was time to tell him - the lies was eating her alive.  
”Whatever it is we can work this through…” Finn assured her.  
”I kissed someone else”

It took seconds and the screaming was overwhelming.

According to Finn this was not something he could see through, he broke up with her and slammed the door on the way out.

***

Clarke shrugged at the memory of the fighting, she was more sad about hurting someone she truly cared for. Seeing the disappointment and pain in his eyes when she had explained why she had been acting so strange. He never asked with who and Clarke wondered why - she would of wanted to know. He had been hurt and he didn’t want to try to even ask why - he didn’t need to. Cheating was a deal breaker for him. 

Clarke was conflicted, she was sad about something so safe and comfortable to be over - but at the same time - if she truly was in love with him this would never had happened. Something faded through the years and they had become more of best friends than lovers. Deep down she thinks Finn had felt the same way, the love for each other was there - yes. Was it like the beginning of their relationship - no. 

She knew it was over now but she guessed it was just the way it was supposed to be, she didn’t feel like getting back together was the answer - the worst part was loosing her best friend. He knew everything about her and she knew everything about him. There was never secrets or lies - and she broke his trust and she was disappointed with herself because of that.

She didn't blame his anger, not at all. 

When she explained everything to her friends they had been surprised, they thought Clarke would be the one to break up if it had happened but never like this - with cheating. Truth to be told she probably never would have been able to leave him if this had not happened - she was not strong enough. Or she was scared she would wake up one day and regret it. Leaving Finn had been on her mind before and the thought had scared her every time - this was worse. Knowing that he hated her but maybe he needed it to move on and maybe she needed it to break free. 

The reason Clarke had gotten so upset about their fight is because she thought he was right but she didn’t want to admit it - he had stopped her from a lot of things. She did not regret her time with him but she knew she could have done so much more if it was not because of her relationship. It was her own choice back then to stay in this town and start studying because she was so freaking in love with him - but after some time passed - she regretted not traveling the world before she settled down. 

She would never regret being with Finn, that was not it - she just knew she would of ended it sooner. It was not fair to him either - he deserved to be loved and cherished, keeping him to herself because she had been to scared to lose him in her life… that was not fair and she knew that. She saw it so clear now even if she hated herself for what she did. 

What she did with Lexa…the person who didn't let her mind rest for a minute. When Raven told her she was seeing someone…she just was never enough for Lexa? Was that it? 

She was sad about a lot of things at the moment, the only good thing this brought her was inspiration for her art - her story she had finally begin to tell.

***

Lexa did not know why she was nervous, Clarke would be in her office any minute and they had not been face to face in a long time. They had to discuss some trips - marketing related to get her name out there.  
”Come in” Lexa answered to a knock on the door.  
”Hey” Clarke entered the room, she looked tired with bags under her eyes - looked like she had not slept in days.  
”Thanks for meeting me”   
”You’re the boss right” Clarke scoffed, she sat down and sighed. ”Sorry” she breathed for her attitude.  
”How are you?” Lexa could not help but ask.  
”I would rather not talk about it”   
”Well as your boss, I need to know. I can’t have my clients doing sloppy work” Lexa was harsh but she figured it would work.  
”The only thing I am focusing on right now is this project - do not fucking tell me about sloppy work”   
”Good” Lexa nodded. ”You need to focus on that”  
”Of course you would not care about anything else… since you don’t do feelings right” Clarke laughed but it was fake. ”Oh wait?” she fake gasped. ”Apparently you do”   
”That’s not it Clarke…”  
”Making me feel bad about my sexuality but in reality you where just not into me…just wanted me as your sex slave right?” Clarke rolled her eyes.   
”Let me explain” Lexa was calm, the blonde needed this - to get some anger out of her system. She did hate the fact that Clarke thought this about her though - how could she not understand? ”I never lied to you about that…my sister has been on me ever since I got back to snap out of my attitude. The day…” Lexa hesitated.  
”I am listening” Clarke seemed calmer.   
”The day at your studio…That was the day I decided it was time for me to see someone”  
”Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Clarke asked.  
”I got back here… thinking I would keep the same attitude but then I met you again…and I knew” Lexa took a deep breath. ”I knew I was developing something more than just lust… you where in a relationship…and”  
”I’m confused”  
”So am I…”  
”Can you be honest with me here Lexa, just once.”  
”I have always had a thing for you Clarke…even back then”   
”But?”  
”I was afraid of getting hurt” Lexa admitted, the blonde deserved the truth after all.   
”So you did lie?”   
”Mostly to myself, I really believed I would be happier with no strings attached.”   
”And now Sara changed your mind” Clarke scoffed.  
”Do I really have to spell it out for you?” Lexa sighed, how could the blonde not see what she was trying to say.  
”Apparently I’m missing something”   
”Then use your brain and figure it out…we need to start working now” 

To her surprise Clarke dropped it she agreed to start planning their trips and discuss future plans for the projects. Even if Lexa tried to focus it was hard, she could see the pain in the blonde’s ocean eyes and all she wanted to do was hug her and tell her everything was gonna be alright.  
”I will get better” Clarke caught her staring.   
”Okay” Lexa didn’t know what to say and the blonde nodded assuring.   
”I just want us to go back to normal…we are partners, you are my boss - do you think that’s possible?”   
”Sounds really good” Lexa tried a smile and Clarke returned it, it was a deal.

***

Time heals and even if she hated those words, Clarke always knew they where true. Two weeks later and she already was feeling better, her and Finn had started to speak slowly with each other. He is able to have a small text conversation at least, he had even agreed to let her have the apartment while he stays with Bellamy. His heart was to kind for this world. 

She just waited for them to just be able to sit down and talk for real, she wanted to explain to him - she owe him and explanation and a apology. 

Her days where spent at the studio mostly or at Lexa’s office with meetings or other important stuff - sometimes she had no idea what was going on and she admired how smart Lexa really was. She was the definition of a good business woman.   
There was no awkward tension between them anymore either - they could spend a whole day fooling around and laughing in Lexa’s office. Dreaming so big and drifting away with so many ideas and it was so amazing to share a vision with someone. Even if some where to extreme they actually came up with some amazing ideas as well. They went lunching together, sometimes Lexa was a the studio - she worked at her computer while Clarke was painting, she even forces the brunette to try paint for herself - it had been an disaster that turned into a paint fight with colors flying everywhere. 

She really enjoyed working with Lexa. 

Her friends came by as well - doing their studies, brought lunch or just watched Clarke paint. She was finally getting somewhere with her art and she was amazed with her friends interest in it. Sometimes she called Nilyha for advise, she came by and they painted together. 

Clarke was just hard focusing on this project at the moment - like she wanted to. Her friends respected it and the time they spent together was always fun because it was not as often anymore. She just tried to appreciate the small things, one day at the time.

***

Last month was the first month they skipped their Friday gathering, after the break up everyone seemed to quietly agree to not organize it. Lexa was quite surprised when she saw a notification from Octavia.  
New group created: Girls night out.

Octavia: Hi girls! I was thinking it’s time for us to have a fun night out, I been sneaking around and I all know you are available on Friday.  
Raven: Sounds like a plan babe!  
Lexa: Yeah I am in!   
Sara: Thanks for inviting me girls, I am in!   
Anya: I would of course not miss it.  
Clarke: Do I have to?  
Raven: Duuuuh. We can find you someone hot!!   
Octavia: Or just have a fun girls night!  
Anya: I know I great place, swings both ways though!   
Clarke: Fine, I could need a night out.   
Raven: Don’t you worry girl I will be your wing man of the night.  
Clarke: I think I’ll be fine haha!  
Octavia: Awesome girls!! See you Friday. 

The idea of Clarke going out to meet someone was annoying Lexa, she tried to ignore it but it followed her that day. They had been on good terms ever for a while now actually the brunette had an amazing time working with the blonde. She did not want anyone to destroy that - she sort of wanted her to herself…was that selfish? 

Her and Sara was…well Lexa wanted things to go slow but Sara was getting impatience. It was not that Lexa did not like her, she wanted to feel more for her. Every time they where together she wanted just enjoy it and develop deeper feeling. Probably trying to hard…or maybe she was comparing her to much with Clarke. She could not lie, she just felt so alive when she spent time with the blonde a connection she didn’t have with Sara. 

Or was she just not capable of loving someone anymore? 

She tried she really did but maybe she was to scared to actually open up anyone. When she first met Costia, she fell hard and she gave everything to this girl. It was her first love and she thought it was mutual. They way things ended crushed her really…Lexa knew she was pretty good looking and girls fell pretty easy for her knowing who she was. She took advantage of that - she wanted acceptance. It became like an addiction, just the feeling of someone wanting her back even if it was just for a night - it was her way to heal. 

With Clarke…five years ago - it was not just a one night stand. Lexa wanted more but was she was an coward. She kept telling herself she was fine with just sex but if that was the truth she could of easily picked someone else but she kept going back to the blonde. 

Clarke scared her in that way…the only girl who actually sparkled feelings inside of her - and considering how much time they spent together at the moment. It was not just a friendship she was developing…she knew she was getting stronger feelings for her. 

It was just…no. 

Things would probably end the same ways it did with Costia and she was not ready to lose what she had with the blonde at the moment. 

Perhaps she needed this girls night out as well, her mind was over heated with over thinking everything. 

Friday should be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again guys! A new chapter for you all...I am so excited for all the drama I have planned mowhaha - but for real I feel the story is finally starting and looking forward to our roller coaster from here! :P
> 
> Aaaaalll love and have an amazing day/night/evening whatever! Finally got a weekend off in like forever so I am gonna enjoy that! Not sure why I am telling you but know you know so... sorry not sorry. Haha
> 
> Please leave a comment on what you think! :)


	10. FRIDAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girls night out am I right?

Clarke moved her body to the loud music, her eyes where closed and she let her body follow the rhythm. Every guy so far that came close Octavia had pushed away - she appreciated because at the moment she just wanted to dance. Just wanted to be in the moment.   
”Should we go back to our table?” Octavia asked after a while.  
”We can take some shot’s and I can see what my girlfriend is up to!” Raven yelled back.  
”Sure! I need a drink!” Clarke had to yell as well.

Back at the table Anya, Lexa and Sara seemed to have a weird conversation about some old memory of the sisters.   
”Girls” Raven smiled and kissed Anya quickly before she sat down.  
”Finally we can talk normal” Octavia chuckled. ”Music is good though”   
”Yeah, I needed this” Clarke smiled she sat down in front of Lexa who eyed her, when the blonde caught her she quickly looked away.  
”Yes I am sweaty” Clarke chuckled and Lexa looked back at her.  
”Umm…” She seemed out of words. ”That’s not…”   
”Who cares” Raven shouted. ”SHOTS” The Latina had sneaked away and was back with a tray of Tequila shots.  
”Are you freaking kidding me?” Clarke sighed.   
”I never joke about Tequila” Raven smiled.   
”Fuck it! I need to kill some brain cells or two” Clarke laughed.   
”On three girls…1…2……3” Raven yelled and in sync they licked the salt, took the shot and bit the lemon.   
”Oh my good” Octavia shrugged.   
”It was not as bad as I thought it would be” Clarke said relieved.   
”You on tequila… is that really a good idea” Lexa teased.   
”What do you know about Clarke and tequila?” Sara asked curious.   
”I think everyone has a story about Clarke and tequila” Octavia laughed.  
”But to be fair…what’s your story? I don’t…no offense but remember you in any of mine” Raven chuckled.  
”Oh” Lexa looked nervous at Clarke, not sure what to say.  
”I was at some frat party way back, I ended up there somehow and I recognized Lexa because of Anya or Lincoln can’t remember anymore.”  
”Yeah I found her stumbling around all alone and she greeted me like we known each other”   
”Because I thought you where Anya!!” Clarke whined, she hated hearing stories about her when she was drunk.  
”That’s offending!” Anya joked.  
”Well drunk on tequila you kind of look alike”  
”And then what?” Sara wondered.  
”I can’t really remember” Clarke admitted. ”I think you will just have to wait for the tequila to kick to understand”   
”We will keep an eye on you” Lexa winked and Clarke smiled, was the brunette flirting with her in front of Sara? Where the two of them even together? No one seemed to understand. Clarke did not mind though. 

They spent some time at the table, talking shit ordering drink and having a typical girls night. Clarke enjoyed every bit of it though…she had so much fun and she had missed just spending time with her friends. Usually it seemed like everyone felt sorry for her and she hated that, now they just had a good time and she did not want it to end. 

After a while they decided to all go dancing again, they had booked the table so they didn't have to worry about loosing their spots. 

***

”So what’s the the deal with Clarke?” Sara asked as they where dancing close to each other.  
”What are you talking about?” They where near each other but had to yell.   
”So you keep staring at her?” She asked annoyed.  
”Just all these idiots trying to flirt with her” Lexa answered. ”What about respect you know?”  
”Why do you care so much?” Sara moved a bit further away and Lexa realized she was actually in argument.  
”She’s my friend” Lexa told her.  
”She seems a lot more interesting than me since you can’t keep your eyes off her?”   
”Come on?” Lexa didn’t know what to say, the music was loud and it was a bit overwhelming.   
”See you staring at her again” Sara rolled her eyes as she turned her heel and started walking away, Lexa grabbed her hand to stop her.  
”Wait” She begged.  
”You’re jealous, aren’t you? Of all the attention she gets? I mean she’s gorgeous of course she will get hit on? She’s single and can probably take care of herself”   
”Can we go talk about this?” Lexa nodded to point to their table, Sara agreed.

***

”Hey Clarke” Raven yelled over the music, she was bringing four shots and handed one each to her, Anya and Octavia. ”CHEERS!” the girls yelled. Clarke started to feeling the alcohol and she was having a really great time.  
”The guys are so disgusting here” Octavia whined. ”I wish Lincoln was here so they wouldn’t hit on me”   
”They are a bit pathetic” Clarke chuckled.  
”Noooo! Clarke!!! You are gonna score tonight!!” Raven cheered.  
”With who? Creepy guy in the corner or the one who has been kept trying to touch my ass?”   
”What about a girl?” Raven smirked.  
”Ooooooh” Anya cheered. ”GIRLS!!!!”   
”I don’t know guys, I don’t have any game with girls. I don’t know how it works” Clarke had some extra courage with the alcohol but talking about being with a girl didn’t seem so strange.  
”I will wing you girl!” Anya smiled.   
”No no no! I will… hold on” Raven disappeared and the girls just looked confused at each other.  
”Whatever she’s up to…” Clarke looked around but the Latina was out of eye sight.   
”Do you want this?” Octavia asked. ”I mean just tell us and we will stop” typical O, always caring.   
”It’s okay, I think it would be a good way to start moving on” Clarke assured her.  
”OH MY GOD!” Raven was back. ”Clarke the most sexiest girl is in the bar waiting for you!! She has a drink ready for you!”  
”Sexiest?” Anya looked at her jealous.   
”Well of course after you my love. No one compares to you!” Raven winked.  
”She doesn’t even know who I am?”  
”She indeed does! She has been looking at you all night! Go on!” Raven cheered her.

Clarke nervously moved her body to the bar and there was indeed a girl there with what seemed to be two gin and tonic ready, her favorite.   
”Hey” Clarke said shyly.   
”Well hello” the girl turned around and she was indeed incredible good looking.   
”I’m sorry about my friend, you don’t have to do this” Clarke laughed nervous.   
”Sit down” She smiled and Clarke took the chair next to her.   
”Are you here alone?” Clarke asked, she didn't know what to say and she didn't want it to become awkward.  
”Hey Alex!!” The bartender looked at them. ”Can we get two hot shots please?” he nodded. ”I think we need to ease the tension”   
”So friends with the bartender huh?” Clarke smirked.  
”Hmm…” the girl smiled as she eyed Clarke up and down. ”I can’t read you girl, tell me your story”   
”Here you go ladies” the bartender winked at them and placed two shots in front of them.  
”Cheers” the girl raised the shot and Clarke followed her.   
”Cheers”

***

Lexa had spent the last 30 minutes? Hour? She didn’t know anymore arguing with Sara, she had finally managed to get it under control. She was a bit annoyed that they had to spend their night arguing about this instead of enjoying the evening like the rest of the girls. She hadn't seen them in a while and as she saw them walk toward the table she was relieved. The tension between her and Sara needed a break.  
”Ladies, why are you sitting her like two old grandpas?” Anya asked as she took as seat herself.  
”Just a little break” Sara smiled.  
”We need one as well, omg my feet hurts!!” Octavia wined.   
”Yeah well I told you know to wear those heels!” Raven said.   
”Have you seen Clarke?” Anya asked.  
”No, we have been here. Why?” Lexa asked and ignored the stares from Sara.   
”I guess you did good!” Anya high fives Raven.   
”Told you I was a good wing man!” The latina said proud.  
”Should we text them to come over!” Octavia chuckled.  
”Yes omg yes!! I want to see Clarke with a girl” Raven chuckled back, they behaved like two school girls. 

Lexa swallowed and she tried to behave normal, girl? Was Clarke out there with some random girl? What girl? Why? Was this not supposed to be a girls night out? Just the group? Or no of course they wrote in the chat that they where gonna try find someone for Clarke - so did that mean she was out now? That she really was a bisexual? Good for her. 

Why didn’t it feel good for Lexa? It should be good news but all it did was make her feel annoyed and…jealous? Curios? 

”She just answered!” Octavia cheered.  
”Are they coming over?” Raven asked excited.  
”Yes, they are gonna get us all some drinks” Octavia told them.  
”That is a good catch, if we get drink I’m happy” Anya joked. 

Lexa wanted to look around but she knew if she did Sara would complain about it so she focused on her instead.  
”You okay?” she asked.  
”Yeah” Sara smiled now. ”Sorry for being a bitch earlier”   
”We can just drop it” Lexa suggested.  
”Sounds good” Lexa took her arm around the girl and started caressing her arm, she needed to do something to focus on something else. 

There was no lie that she had been watching Clarke all evening, could someone blame her? She looked amazing tonight, of course people would try to get close to her. Everything felt so wrong at the moment.

”Heey” Clarke had just arrived to the table, she looked excited and a bit tipsy.   
”Where is she?!” Raven asked.  
”She’s bringing the drinks!! Girls we made out in the bar!! OH MY GOD!” Clarke informed her friends and Lexa once again got that weird feeling to her stomach.   
”CLARKE!” Octavia and Raven cheered at the same time.   
”She’s so mysterious” Clarke chuckled.   
”What’s her name?” Octavia asked.  
”I guess you’re Clarke friends” a voice interrupted their conversation.  
”We just asked for your name” Octavia chuckled.  
”COSTIA?” Lexa told them as she faced the familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeyooo! Another chapter another drama! 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter - thoughts?? You know I love to read them.
> 
> We are getting close to christmas!! and what??? it's like two weeks left of 2018?? Did we even finish 2017? I'm confused lol! 
> 
> I will try to add a chapter so you can read something for the holiday but if I won't be able to make it I wish you a merry christmas!! :)


	11. More than friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets a surprise visit.

The tension between the two brunettes was insane, Clarke looked at them back and forth. Lexa looked like she was gonna kill someone and Costia looked like she had seen a ghost.  
”What is going on?” Sara asked looking at Lexa.  
”Yeah?” Clarke agreed looking at Costia.  
”Lexa…” Costia mumbled her name. ”Long time no see… I guess we have the same taste in women?” she asked looking at Clarke.  
”I knew it” Sara rolled her eyes. ”This whatever this was… it’s over!” Sara yelled as she stood up and left the table”  
”Sara…” Lexa tried but she was to focused on Costia.  
”Ops…” Costia looked at the girl running away. ”So this one is free then?”   
”Step away from her” Lexa spitted through her teeth.   
”Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?”   
”I think it’s time that you leave Costia” Anya joined the conversation.   
”Do you wanna get out of here?” Costia looked at Clarke who was still so confused.   
”You’re unbelievable, what games are you playing?” Lexa stood up.  
”I am just having a good time, didn’t expect to run into you - or hook up with your…?” Costia looked between Clarke and Lexa. ”What are you really?”  
”Hooked up?” Lexa eyes showed nothing but anger.  
”We are friends” Clarke told her.  
”Friends?” Lexa scoffed.  
”Lexa chill” Costia tried.  
”You know what… I can’t take this. I am out of here” Lexa turned her heel and went towards the bathrooms, she needed to breath.  
”Fuck…” Clarke breathed. ”Lexa?!” She yelled as she followed the brunette.

Once she entered the bathrooms it was quite…not really normal for a night club but these toilets where more hidden so that could be the reason. Lexa was leaning against the wall with her hands covering her face, looked like she was trying to get her breathing under control.  
”Lexa” Clarke moved closer and carefully placed a hand on her shoulder.  
”Please leave me alone” Lexa tried.  
”Who is she?” Clarke asked as she slowly placed her hands on Lexa to move them from her face, the brunettes green eyes was hurt now.  
”Just trust me… stay away from her”  
”Well why can’t you trust me and tell me what’s going on?” Clarke asked.  
”She’s… she is…” Lexa honestly tried but she didn’t know how to tell the blonde that she had been making out with her ex lover who broke her heart.  
”Okay… can I ask you something else?” Clarke caressed Lexa’s arms, trying to make her calm down.  
”Okay” The brunette nodded.  
”Are we more than friends? Your reaction to that was… was a bit unexpected”   
”Clarke….” Lexa took a deep breath now and straightened herself, she placed her arms around the blonde now. It was comforting and Clarke could not help but linger her fingers around the brunettes neck. ”I like you okay? The last few weeks has been amazing…I thought it was obvious?”   
”It’s hard to read you Lexa… you can’t blame me for thinking it was nothing?”   
”I don’t…I’m a mess and I know that”   
”You’re not a mess…” Clarke half smiled.  
”And I have been selfish with you”   
”Right now… can’t you feel how effortless it is? Why can’t you give us a chance?”   
”I want too…but I’m scared of hurting you. Scared of sabotaging what we have - I don’t wanna loose this”   
”You can’t live your life scared”  
”Clarke” Lexa rolled out her name, pushing the blonde closer.   
”Kiss me…and tell me you don’t feel nothing and I let this go” Clarke breathed as the brunette stared at her lips.  
”Why can’t we just…be like before?” Lexa asked.  
”Fuck buddies?” Clarke rolled her eyes as the brunette leaned in closer.  
”I mean we are both hungry for it - you can’t deny that” Lexa’s hands caressed Clarke’s back until they reached the ass, she playfully touched it before she her hands sneaked under the blondes dress, she moaned and Lexa smirked.   
”Lexa” Clarke bit her lips as the brunette was playing with her underwear.   
”Come closer” Lexa whispered and as in trans the blonde leaned in to the brunettes neck, she started kissing it, her tongue playfully searched for the brunettes week spot, Lexa moaned. The blonde was teasing her but she could play the same game, her right hand find it way inside Clarke’s underwear, damn she missed this. Her finger was teasing the blonde and damn she was wet.   
”Do you wanna get out of here?” Lexa whispered as her finger was inside of Clarke, the blonde was heavy breathing, she could’t speak so she just nodded. Lexa grabbed the blonde’s hand and they where out of the club in no time. 

***

3 weeks later.

”I just can’t explain it… we have such a chemistry it’s insane” Clarke told her friends.  
”It sounds like a lot of sex?” Octavia asked.  
”Well we get easily distracted… at the studio, in her office…. at her place, mine… and”   
”And that’s enough information” Raven chuckled.  
”But are you like a thing now?”   
”Well Lexa is a bit complicated when it comes to that…it’s basically sex.” Clarke told them.  
”Don’t you want more?” Octavia wondered.  
”Well I don’t mind having a little fun…and I mean we still do other stuff together. We watch movies, we go out for dinner, we take walks and she watches me paint”   
”Sounds like dating to me?” Raven said.  
”Friends with benefits”   
”Never works… you’re gonna get hurt. It’s all over you face, you shine when you talk about her. You like her” Octavia shook her head.  
”Do you guys have to ruin this for me?” Clarke whined.  
”We just care about you”   
”I’m okay don’t worry!”

All though it seemed like Clarke wanted to be okay her friends had gotten to her, she hated it. She had never thought about this before but they where right - this was more than just sex to her. Clarke just did not want to ruin what they had, they where happy and had a lot of fun. Lexa seemed happy too, would it be ruining everything by asking her about this? They never talked about after their night out. Lexa was gonna swing by the studio soon maybe she should ask her? What could be the harm in that? 

Later that day the brunette walked in the studio with lunch in her hands.  
”I got your favorite babe” She smiled, Clarke could not help but notice the nickname. It sounded so natural and the fact that she knew her favorite sandwich - wasn’t that more than sex?   
”You didn’t have to” Clarke smiled as she put down her pencil to greet the brunette, they shared a soft kiss, this is not just sex?   
”I know you don’t eat otherwise” She smiled. ”Come on take a break” Lexa filled the the little bar table with the food she just got.  
”So I have been thinking” Clarke sat down in front of the brunette, she was busy wrapping up her caesar wrap.   
”You and me” Clarke caught her attention.   
”Yeah?” she looked curious at the blonde.   
”I mean… I feel like we are dating - that this is more than sex” Clarke just spilled it out.   
”Clarke…we talked about this” Lexa took a bite.   
”But after these weeks…Can’t you see how good we are together?” Clarke wondered.  
”Yeah and I don’t want to ruin it”   
”But…I want more than just sex - I want…” Clarke hesitated. ”All of you”   
”Babe…I can’t give you more than this. I am not ready”   
”So what about Sara? What was that all about?” Clarke wondered.  
”Well I tried to make it work but…something came in between”   
”But why where you ready to risk it with her and not me?”   
”Because I lied to myself, I thought I could like her and move on… wasn’t really the case”   
”Well if you don’t want this….” Clarke sighed.   
”Don’t do this Clarke…” Lexa looked disappointed.   
”Does it mean we can see other people?” Clarke asked.  
”I don’t want too…but yeah I guess…”   
”You confuse me”   
”I’m not gonna hold you back, I know that you want more and if you wanna go out and search for it…I’m not gonna stop you”  
”So you would be fine we me seeing other people…and we continue this?”   
”If that’s what you want?” Lexa asked.  
”You know it’s not what I want but - at one point I’m gonna want more”   
”That is now I guess…”   
”But I don’t wanna loose you now”   
”No…you won’t” Lexa smiled. 

***

Lexa wanted to punch a wall or break a face - a specific one. How could she already be out dating? Okey… she knew this was her fault but the angst in her body was tearing her a part.   
She had texted Clarke as always, she looked at the messages again.

Lexa: Hey, my place at 21:00?   
Clarke: Hey babe, sorry I have a date tonight. Raincheck?  
Lexa: Oh! Can I ask who’s the lucky one?  
Clarke; Niyhla, I think I told you about her.  
Lexa: Have fun.

Have fun? It was pathetic - and… it was painful? Knowing that Clarke was with someone else. She could not blame anyone but herself for this though. She said she didn’t want more - why did she have to be so scared? For what? Clarke said she wanted her - but on the other side - she heard those words before. It had been lies, all of it. She wanted to believe the blonde…

Lexa looked over at her dinner table, she had set it - and she had been proud of it. Her favorite Italian dish was about to be finished in the kitchen. Red wine and candles - who was she fooling? She was leaning the blonde on to believe it was more - because it was - Lexa was crazy about her. Now it was to late… she is seeing other people and it’s not hard to fancy Clarke - she is amazing. Lexa grabbed the bottle of wine and went to her living room, she had a date with Netflix today.

***

Sunday morning.

Lexa was turned to the side, Clarke was playing with her fingers on her back. She wanted to ask about the date, was that weird?   
”You are quite today” Clarke whispered as she moved closer and pressed her lips against Lexa’s shoulder.   
”Sorry” Lexa closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment. She felt safe in Clarke’s arms.   
”What’s on your mind?” Clarke wondered.  
”How was the date?” Lexa finally asked and she was scared of the reaction.   
”Mmhhmm….” Clarke smirked and Lexa got confused.   
”What?” Lexa turned to her back so that she could look at the blonde.  
”You are jealous” Clarke smirked, she couldn’t help it was the most beautiful sight… seeing Lexa vulnerable, it was rare.   
”Just curious” Lexa tried.  
”It was… nice” Clarke shrugged.   
”Are you gonna see her again?”   
”Well she is in my class, so yes.” Clarke told her. ”But no - we entered friend zone a long time ago - the chemistry wasn’t there”   
”To bad” Lexa smiled now.  
”I can tell” Clarke winked.  
”Shut up” Lexa chuckled as she tickled Clarke’s sides.   
”Oh hell no!” Clarke fought back and it ended with them rolling around laughing.

***

Clarke could not help but smile as she was walking towards her front door, she had just left Lexa after an amazing Sunday. How could someone compete with Lexa? Clarke wasn’t sure but she was in some deep water with this one. She opened the door and she froze immediately - she was not alone.   
”Hey” The familiar voice burned through her body.  
”Finn?” She looked up and there he was standing.  
”Sorry, I still have the keys and I wanted to talk” He suggested to sit in the living room.   
”No worries” Clarke was pretty speechless, she followed him and they sat down in the sofa.  
”Listen I been thinking” He fixed his hair as he always did when he was nervous. ”I think we are throwing away something to easy”  
”What do you mean?”  
”You and me… just like that? No fighting no nothing?” He sighed. ”I was really hurt…but”  
”But?” Clarke was confused.  
”But…I realized I am still in love with you and I want to try if you want to?”   
”Finn…” Clarke didn’t know what to say - she did not expect this.   
”I think we should do it for real this time though”  
”Are you serious?” Clarke thought he hated her.  
”You are gonna think I am crazy…but listen to me.” Finn took a deep breath. ”You are my best friend - and no we are more than that. What we have is real love and worth fighting for, yes you made a mistake and… I forgive you. I needed time to heal and process and… to realize.”  
”What are you doing?” Finn took her hand and made her stand up with him.  
”We are stronger together…” Finn slowly went down on one knee and Clarke gasped when she saw the little box in his hand.

”Clarke Griffin, will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Happy new year!!! 2019??? What the heck. 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait... Got caught up with the holiday and yeah didn't really have time to write. I hope you're year started amazing - and haven't it been January now for like two months? Crazy how slow this month is. 
> 
> Anyway, what do you think about the chapter? Love the feedback.
> 
> Take care munchkins!


	12. The aftermath of the proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the suddenly proposal and other bullshit...

DO NOT IGNORE - New chat group created.

Clarke: Girls, my place tonight at 19:00!! SOS. No excuses!  
Raven: Is it big news???  
Clarke: I need all of you!  
Octavia: Count me in!  
Lexa: I’ll be there!   
Raven: Wouldn’t miss it, Anya is coming as well! 

Lexa put down her phone as she read the last message from Raven, what could be so important? And what was the deal with all these new group chats, wasn’t the 10000 they already had not enough? She looked at the clock in her office, 16:11, she could wrap things up and be finished at 17:00. She had some news for Clarke as well… was not sure how she was gonna take it. Her dead line was to short and she wanted to extend it with another six months - she did not want to rush anything. Or maybe she wanted to spend more time with Clarke? Maybe a mix of both. Well it did make sense, they could prepare more and make everything perfect. They had been a little… distracted lately - not that she complained but it did affect their work and Lexa did not settle for anything less that perfection.

***

”Okay Clarke, pizza is here - I brought beer. We are all sitting down. SPILL THE TEA” Raven could not wait any longer.  
”Okay… well something happened when I got home yesterday”   
”Where had you been?” Octavia asked.  
”That’s not the point” Clarke told her.   
”So this something???” Raven asked.  
”Well not something… someone” Clarke took a deep breath. ”Finn was here”  
”What?” Everyone said almost at the same time.  
”Why?” Lexa sounded disgusted.   
”That’s not all….” Clarke took a big sip from her beer. ”He proposed to me?!” She closed her eyes and hid her face in her hands.  
”NO FUCKING WAY?” Raven yelled.  
”What did you say?” Lexa wondered, she didn’t like this at all.  
”He told me not to answer now, that I should think about it. I am so confused girls”   
”Unbelievable” Lexa stood up and left the kitchen, they all stared at her quietly.   
”What was that all about?” Octavia asked looking at Clarke.  
”I should go talk to her…” Clarke stood up as well. ”In the mean time I need you guys to process this and we need to talk when I get back!” 

Clarke looked around in her apartment and finally found Lexa sitting in her bed, she was staring at nothing.   
”Hey” Clarke joined her.   
”So that’s it?” Lexa asked. ”He leave you on hold for weeks, making you miserable and then he comes back and you pretend like nothing happened?”   
”You do remember why we broke up in the first place right?”   
”Still, I don’t agree with his childish behavior.”   
”And that is coming from you?” Clarke raised her voice and she had to stand up again facing the brunette who stood up as well.  
”What is that supposed to mean?!” Lexa raised her voice as well.  
”You can’t even admit that you want to be with me because of something that happened when you where like a teenager?”   
”And so if I did - then you would have left me now for prince charming swooping in” Lexa spitted.   
”If you would of given us a chance I wouldn’t even considering this right now!” Clarke took a step closer and locked eyes with green.  
”So you are considering marrying him?” Lexa lowered her voice now, she looked hurt.  
”Say something then Lexa, tell me that you want to give this a chance. Say that you actually want more - give me something to believe in.” Lexa stayed quite, studying Clarke’s face. ”Say something” Clarke whispered. ”Please”   
”It does not matter what I say - in the end I will still lose” Lexa swallowed.   
”You are a coward!” Clarke yelled.   
”You don’t know what I been through”   
”THEN FUCKING TELL ME” Clarke was getting pissed.   
”I was promised all these things before - just to get stabbed in the back ”I am not even gay - how could you be so stupid” when someone laughs in your face after pouring your heart out - meaning all your time together was a lie - yes I get fucking careful Clarke” Lexa took a step closer to the blonde. ”I am tired of people using me until they get what they really want”   
”I am not Costia!” Clarke bursted out.   
”How did you know?”   
”Because I’m not stupid - and what she did sounds fucking terrible but you can’t think everyone is the same”   
”So you’re not thinking about getting married with Finn?”   
”Well so if I was?!” Clarke sighed. ”You keep telling me that YOU don’t want more - that sex is all you want. How the hell am I supposed to know what you want?”   
”Well it does not matter what I want” Lexa said. ”This… you and me - it’s over”   
”Don’t fucking walk away from me” Clarke voice broke.   
”I warned you I was a mess” Lexa sighed.  
”Life is more than just surviving, you deserve to be happy” Clarke was getting teary.   
”It’s because who I am - I’m not hurting like you right now.”  
”Fucking liar” Clarke wiped her tears away. ”You are hurting right now”   
”Clarke what do you want from me?”   
”I want you to say I am worth the fight, that I should not marry him - I want you to see me the way I see you”   
”Clarke” Lexa took a step back. ”I do see you” she started pacing around in the room. ”But I can’t do this” She shook her head.  
”If you walk out of this room - you and me are over. You are strictly my boss - nothing else” Clarke was serious and Lexa stood there watching her for a minute, Clarke begged that the brunette would not leave the room - and she could tell Lexa was struggling.   
”Well then…” Lexa breathed. ”See you on Monday, 08:00 sharp” and then she walked out of the room and as soon as she heard the front door close she broke down in tears. 

”Clarke?” Raven, Anya and Octavia was staring at her crying on the floor.   
”What did she do?” Anya shook her head. ”I’m gonna talk to her” the sister walked out of the room and left the apartment quickly.   
”Hunny” Octavia sat down on the floor next to Clarke and caressed her back gently.   
”You guys where right” Clarke cried. ”And I got hurt, I’m so fucking stupid”   
”You are not” Raven sighed. ”Whats her deal anyway? She clearly likes you?”   
”She’s scared because of something that happened with Costia a long time ago, she got her heart broken”  
”It’s a part of growing up - getting your heart broken” Octavia said.  
”She has trust issues because Costia apparently lied about being gay, made fun of her”   
”But Costia was hooking up with you?” Raven was confused.  
”Well she probably was scared of admitting that or something - it probably got to real and she ran away” Clarke guessed.  
”Talk to her” Octavia told her.  
”I tried” Clarke took a deep breath. ”I tried so many times”   
”Come here” Octavia opened her arms and Clarke leaned into the comforting hug, she cried on her friends shoulder.   
***

After getting herself together Clarke and her friends went to her living room to finish the pizza - it was cold but no one bothered to care. They say quietly for a while, just eating in silence.   
”I thought that Finn - proposing might have been her wake up call” Clarke said after a while.  
”So you don’t want to marry him?” Octavia asked.  
”Now I don’t know anymore - it feels pointless running after someone who’s to afraid to commit”   
”But is it really fair to Finn?” Raven wondered.   
”I told him we can start by just hanging out again - not rush anything just try it out”  
”That sounds good”  
”I do miss him - I’m just not sure if I miss him in that way you know”  
”We know” Raven half smiled. ”Let’s watch a silly movie so that we can think about something else for a moment” She suggested.  
”Yeah” Octavia and Clarke agreed.

***

”What the fuck?!” Anya stormed into her apartment - she regretted giving her sister the extra key now.  
”I’m not in the mood”  
”I don’t care”  
”Of course you don’t” Lexa sat down in the kitchen, ready to be screamed at again.  
”Why was Clarke crying on the fucking floor?” Anya said angrily and Lexa swallowed…shit.   
”We had and argument”   
”You being an heartless idiot I guess?” Anya sat down in front of her. ”Talk to me”  
”She wanted me to tell her not to marry Finn, I can’t do that”   
”Are you stupid or just dumb?” Anya shook her head. ”She obviously does not want to marry him - she wants you”   
”I told her from the start - I can’t give her more”  
”So you don’t care at all if she marries him?” Anya asked her.  
”Of course I fucking care but I can’t be the person to stop her”  
”That’s what she wants?!” Anya rolled her eyes. ”Stop being so scared - yes what happened with Costia, it sucked. I know how hurt you got okay?”   
”We where together for almost 2 years and then she told me I was an fool, that she never felt anything to me EVER” Lexa raised her voice. ”I gave her all of me - it wasn’t just a normal heartbreak. That day she broke it in million pieces and I never cared to make it heal again”  
”Everyone gets hurt Lexa” Anya sighed.   
”One day we where in love the next day she laughed at me and ran away with some guy - making me feel bad about who I am - because I like girls. That I was some stupid experience to her that she got tired of”  
”Well obviously it was not an experience”   
”And of all people - she had to make out with Clarke” Lexa laid her head on the table.  
”Why are you keep torturing yourself, she was the one who did you dirty - fucking slap her in the face, not literally but with being happy… that’s worse I promise”   
”I don’t care about her anymore” Lexa looked at her sister.   
”I care about you and I can’t stand you pushing people away all the time”   
”It’s not your choice”   
”No but I am gonna push you until you make the right one”   
”It’s to late for that”  
”It’s never to late to fight” Anya tried a smile.  
”Why did he have to ruin everything, we where fine”   
”In the end you know she wanted more and that this day would come”   
”She’s considering it Anya…” Lexa sighed.   
”She’s probably trying to get your attention, why would she ask you to stop her otherwise?”   
”I’m a huge fucking mess… I don’t know anymore - she fucks with my mind”   
”That’s a good thing”   
”whatever you say sis…”  
***

Lexa never did something to stop Clarke, the following Monday the blonde had shown up on time - they had a meeting regarding her promotions and they where gonna travel around in USA to get her name out there. Clarke brought some of her art that she wanted to show - Lexa was really impressed but she kept that to herself. The blonde did not look at her and it was a good thing there where other people in the meeting to distract them.

Lexa was not proud but she could not stop ”stalking” her on social media, mostly it was about her art but on one snap she saw what she was fearing. It was Finn cooking and Clarke was laughing at him behind the camera because he messed it up. 

Lexa wished food was the only thing she had messed up, her life turned from amazing to miserable again. She eat take out dinners alone, she only had coffee for breakfast and the bed felt emptier than ever. She missed falling asleep to the sounds of Clarke’s heavy breathing, or waking up with Clarke naked body all over her. She missed making her laugh - or those times she was really focused when she painted and she stuck her tongue out - it was the most adorable thing. 

Now everything was gone - but of course she was to proud to admit she was wrong, especially when it seemed like she was moving on already. Damn.  
Every time she walked into her office now she took her breath away - their conversations was cold and only work related. Sometimes Clarke texted and she wondered if it was Finn. Lexa wanted to ask if she was okay but she walked out on that - she made the decision that day. 

Everything was different now and she hated it, hated every single thing about it. How could she go back to this lonely life again? How could she learn how to trust? She did not know.

On Friday Anya dragged her out - she didn’t feel like hang out around Clarke but her sister forced her. It was not as the last time, they where gonna chill in a bar and catch up. Clarke was sitting at the other side of the table and Lexa tried to focus on what Jasper and Raven was talking about but all she could think about was Finn suddenly being in the picture again. Sitting there with his perfect hair and smile - doing everything to get Clarke’s attention. She could not take it anymore, she needed something stronger to survive this. 

”Hey, what can I get you?”   
”Tequila shot, make it double” Lexa informed the bartender.  
”Make that two” Lexa turned around and saw an familiar face.  
”Like my day was not bad already” Lexa rolled her eyes.  
”Move over” Lexa made space for the girl, she was to numb to care.  
”Here you go girls” The bartender handed them the shots.  
”Put them on my bill”   
”Of all the people I have to run into you” Lexa shook her head.  
”Maybe it’s faith” She winked.  
”What do you want Costia?” Lexa sighed.  
”Well… after our little chat? or whatever it was - I have not been able to stop thinking about you. I mean how is it possible to get sexier with age”   
”It’s called surviving puberty” Lexa rolled her eyes.  
”Cheers to that” Costia raised her glass and Lexa did the same before she swallowed the burning liquor.   
”Fuck” She took a bite of the lemon.   
”So why are sitting here so depressed, drinking your pain away?”   
”Because life is a pain in the ass…one more please - it’s on her” Lexa informed the bartender.   
”Coming right up”   
”Do you want me to help you forget about whatever is on your mind for a minute?” Costia smirked and Lexa looked at her - was she gonna step this low?   
”So you are into girls now? You know what… never mind do not answer that i’m not drunk enough for this”   
”Charming…Hey can we get something stronger?” Costia asked the bartender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey gang!!
> 
> After the comments on the last chapter I did not want to keep you waiting for the next one ;P
> 
> So... I think this chapter will cause some... let's say unhappy emotions.
> 
> What do you think? Hehe ;)


	13. Escaping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa find out about something in her past and Clarke i struggling with everything happening in her life.

Lexa was finally feeling the liquor burning through her body, she needed to forget for a moment. After a few drinks in the bar with Costia she needed to go the bathroom.   
”Where are you going?” Costia slurred, she was getting drunk as well.  
”Bathroom” Lexa told her as she walked away.

Once done in the toilet she opened the door and Clarke was standing there waiting for her with her arms crossed.   
”Having fun?” She asked, she looked angry.  
”I guess” Lexa washed her hands, she felt the blonde staring at her every move.  
”We where supposed to have a evening together and you have been gone for over an hour now?” Clarke asked her.  
”I needed a drink… or a few” Lexa chuckled, damn the alcohol was a bit heavy she could not control it.   
”Are you coming back with me, everyone is wondering where you are”   
”Honestly… I don’t really feel like watching you and your new finance flirt” Lexa informed.  
”Are you serious right now?” Clarke asked her. ”We are not ev…”  
”Hey there you are, you been gone forever” Costia opened the door to the bathroom and it got awkward real quick.  
”You are unbelievable” Clarke shook her head. ”Fuck you Lexa” the blonde stormed out.  
”Why do people always run away when I enter the room?” Costia laughed it was not funny.  
”Because you’re an awful human being” Lexa informed her.  
”Are you gonna be mad at me forever Lex?” Costia pouted.  
”Don’t call me that”   
”How can I fix this?” She wondered.  
”You can’t Costia, don’t you understand. I know this is a fucking joke to you but it wasn’t for me okey and I can’t just forget what you did”   
”It was a long time ago, I was an asshole and I’m sorry” wow what an apology.   
”You ruined my life, you destroyed me for fuck sake.” Lexa raised her voice, the alcohol gave her courage.   
”I said I was sorry” Costia tried again.  
”Yeah, thank you for ruing my beliefs in love and making me destroy every fucking good thing that comes close to me! BUT YOU ARE SORRY, SO IT’S OKAY?!” Lexa yelled.  
”I didn’t know…”   
”Of course, because you don’t care about anyone else than yourself. I can’t even believe that I could fall for you and let you break my heart like it was nothing”   
”I…” Costia locked the bathroom door. ”Can I try to explain why I did it?”   
”Yeah” Lexa nodded.  
”You know that day before, when we talked about moving in together” Costia sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. ”I was so freaking happy” she took a breath. ”I knew it was time, I was gonna come out to my dad - he would understand and be happy for me right? This was amazing news and my mom would of backed me up”  
”Go on” Lexa listened.   
”So I got home and I told him I’m a lesbian” Costia voice was shaky. ”It became a nightmare Lexa…I have never seen him so angry, my mom tried to calm him but you know he is very religious”   
”Fuck” Lexa sighed.   
”He sent me away for conversion therapy” Costia wiped some tears away. ”There was no guy or big adventures - he forced me to lie to you that day and I was so freaking scared and hurt”  
”I had no idea” For the first time their breakup finally made sense to her.  
”I never knew it would damage you this much and I am so fucking sorry. What we had - that was for real. I was ready to start my life with you - when I thought about the future you where right beside me”   
”How could he do this to his own daughter?” Lexa tried to take it all in.   
”He thought it was the best for me”  
”The conversation therapy? Like…”  
”I ran away with three other people and we went off the radar for a little while”  
”Shit” Lexa still had to process everything. ”I’m sorry” She suddenly felt bad for her.  
”Don’t, it’s not your fault - I should apologize.”   
”I have hated you for what you did for so long…”   
”I should of talked to you, I was ashamed honestly…it feels nice to finally tell you the truth”   
”I needed this” Lexa breathed, it was solving all of her problems but she had questioning this for so long and it finally made sense. She could be loved, it had all been a awful ending - rough and heartbreaking - but she wasn’t the big idiot she thought she was.   
”Anyway - this gets me depressed” Costia got back to reality.   
”Do you wanna give it another try to meet my friends?” Lexa asked, she never thought she would ask this question or even want to be in the same room as her ex. As she felt in piece now with their past she actually felt bad for Costia. All this don’t give a fuck attitude comes from daddy issues and insecurities - people making her feel bad for who she is.   
”Are you sure?” Costia asked and Lexa reached her hand for her to grab so Costia got back up to her feet. 

***

”What the fuck?” Anya stared at her sister and Costia walking towards their table and it caught Clarke’s attention. She agreed, what the fuck?  
”Hey guys, sorry it took some time… I met my um, ex in the bar. This is Costia” Lexa introduced her to the table.  
”Zup girl?” Bellamy smiled.  
”Nice to meet you!” Octavia smiled as well raising her glass and everyone did the same. Clarke looked over to Anya who was texting and right after Lexa took at her phone and started typing as well - they had to be messaging each other. Why was she with the person who hurt her? 

The evening went by pretty chill and fun, it was just stupid conversations and loud laughters. Monty forced everyone to take shots, Jasper insisted in some games, Raven told the weirdest but funniest stories, Lincoln and Octavia was couple goals as usually and they all had a good time. Clarke had fun too but every once in a while she caught herself staring at Lexa, either because she looked beautiful, sometimes because they where talking about something and she wanted to call her name because it reminded her of something they did - or sometimes because she was whispering with Costia or they where… laughing? Her whole body stiffed and she had to fight every inch of her body not to stand up and drag Lexa away from her. Maybe Lexa wasn’t capable of loving someone because she still wasn’t over her ex? That she still loved Costia - the thought was hurtful. 

She missed Lexa.

The last days without her was like living a day feeling like something is always missing. One thing she was happy about was getting Finn back though - not because of the proposal but because he was one of her best friends as well. This whole evening she noticed how much he flirted and try to get close - she had ignored it and not answered with the same body language. The reason she didn’t fight for him months ago was because her feelings had fade away - it had not change. She had not really tried to find the sparkle again with him but seeing Lexa…like she was not caring about them at all…maybe she should give Finn a second chance? 

***  
”So Clarke…whats up with that?” Costia asked her.  
”Nothing” Lexa said while she grabbed some peanuts.   
”So, you would not mind if I hit on her?” Costia smirked.  
”That guy” Lexa nodded towards Finn as she filled her mouth with the peanuts. ”Proposed to her”   
”Really, are they engaged?” Costia sounded surprised.  
”She didn’t answer him, I guess he is waiting for her to make her mind up”   
”That makes more sense, you and those nuts have more chemistry” Costia laughed.  
”What?” Lexa questioned.  
”Clarke is showing no attraction, nothing towards him - you on the other side. She can’t stop eye fucking you” Costia chuckled.  
”Shut up” Lexa for the first time as she sat down with Costia got brave enough to look at Clarke, she immediately met blue eyes and they both looked away as quick.   
”Told you” Costia said proudly.  
”So why is she wasting her time with him?” Lexa said annoyed.  
”Maybe to get your attention”   
”It’s just pissing me off”  
”So it’s working”  
”Shut up”  
”Stop saying that” Costia laughed this time. ”Come on, I know you like her… I want to do something nice for you for everything I fucked up”   
”Like what?”   
”Help you get the girl silly!”   
”But…”  
”Yeah you told, no emotions I messed you up… BUT… now you know the truth and I can’t move on with my life knowing that you keep hurting yourself like this”   
”We’re not even really talking anymore”  
”Just… trust me” 

***

Clarke was forced to get next round of beers so she moved her way to bar, it was crowded with people so it was hard to get the bartenders attention.  
”Hey, miss her is trying to order” a man next to her gave her some space to reach the bar.  
”Thank you” She smiled.  
”What can I get you?” The bartender asked.  
”Can I get three pitchers of beer please?”  
”Coming right up”  
”Wow, heavy drinker” the man chuckled. ”I’m Josh” Clarke noticed how he was checking her out and realized he was flirting.   
”Yeah, love chugging beer” Clarke was uncomfortable.  
”So…” The man put a hand on her waist, he was clearly drunk. ”I gave you my name, can I get yours?”   
”Clarke” she tried to move away but it was to crowded.   
”Nice to meet you Clarke, so what are your plans for tonight?” He slurred.  
”Just hanging out with my friends”   
”Well if you get bored you can come find me” He smirked while his hand slowly moved closer to her ass. ”Can I get your number?”   
”No…actually just trying to get something to drink here”   
”No? Don’t be so rude, we can have a good time” and there it was, he squeezed her ass and her whole body stiffed.   
”STOP” Clarke yelled but he did not let go.  
”Give me your number and I will” He winked.  
”NO, freaking let go”   
”Come on, we are just having fun here”  
”SHE SAID NO!” It happened so fast, Clarke just saw the fist and the guy falling to the floor, she looked back and saw Lexa shaking her fist. ”ASS” she yelled at him.  
Clarke quickly grabbed the pitchers and followed the brunette to the table, she left them there and as soon as her hands where free Lexa grabbed one and dragged her outside of the bar.   
”Are you okay” She asked looking worried.  
”Yeah, thanks. How is your hand?” Clarke asked.  
”Hurts”   
”I’m sorry” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and studied it.  
”It was worth it, don’t worry…” Lexa sighed. ”What a freaking idiot, like no is a fucking no? What happened with respect? And they way he grabbed you… like what the fuck, I wish i would have kicked his balls instead” Lexa was rambling and Clarke could not help but to grab her by the neck and shut her up with a kiss, Lexa pushed Clarke towards the wall while their tongues was exploring each other.  
”Fuck” Clarke stopped the kiss but she kept her arms around Lexa’s neck. ”I should not have done that… I’m sorry - it’s just - they way you care and act…”  
”It’s okay” Lexa smiled.  
”I know you don’t want me like I want you…” Clarke took a deep breath. ”So it’s not okay”  
”That’s not true Clarke”   
”Honestly” Clarke let go of Lexa’s body. ”I can’t keep doing this”  
”But..”  
”No Lexa. You know that I want more than you and I am tired of hearing about how you are to scared, probably I am not worth it. You need to realize what you want”  
”But I just had this talk with Costia and”  
”I don’t wanna hear about the only person that you loved” Clarke cut her off. ”Are you serious?”   
”Just let me finish”   
”No I am tired of this Lexa - I just keep getting hurt”   
”Please don’t go” Lexa tried but Clarke was already walking away. ”Clarke” she yelled but the blonde entered the bar again and left the brunette out in the cold.

***

Clarke felt she had made the best decision in a long time, she needed to get away and clear her head. She had called her mom and got the keys for their summer place, packed her work and driven away. Not sure when to head back but she was perfectly fine with it. She needed to get away and just think, paint - being away from all the drama in her town.

She had just basically tweeted ”Going away for a few days” to let her friends know she was not home. Finn had called her during her drive wondering if he did something wrong, Clarke had ensured him that no - of course not but did need to talk when she got home. 

With all going on Finn was the only one doing everything right - he forgave her, has patience and wants to commit. A year ago and she would of said yes without any hesitation. This year everything had change and it was like everything was constantly spinning and she could not make it stop. 

It all started with Lexa being back - the first day when she winked at Clarke in the living room, making her whole body shiver with how amazing she looked. How that simple wink and smile made her feel special - noticed. Everyone craves that probably, attention - someone who keeps acknowledge how beautiful you are. How she got mad at but truthfully just wanted more - it was crazy how love worked. Starting working with someone that you feel so much attraction too - it could never end well, of course it did not. 

The thing that made her the angriest was how Lexa could not just admit that she was feeling the same way, they were practically acting like a couple for a month - it was not just sex. They shared secrets about each other, embarrassing childhood memories, dinners, mornings, walks - they greeted each other with kisses in the end, they said see you later like it was the most obvious thing - Lexa made room for Clarke in her wardrobe… it was just not sex! 

Seeing Lexa’s reactions when she told all of them about the proposal she was stupid enough to think - now she will finally realize, now is the time Lexa will admit she wants more. The disappointment when she had left the room was still hurting - it was just not the fact that she left but how torn apart she looked, like she was having a inner fight with herself. 

Even if Lexa was struggling - and everyone is different - she was not having her bullshit anymore. Yes, Lexa told her ”no strings attached” but she was just lying to herself. What was her plan, staying single all her life? Keep blaming her teenage love when she’s in her 40’s? It was ridiculous now. She had always looked up to Lexa, how strong, independent, smart and outgoing she is - there is no lie in that, her success proofs that. It was just everything underneath that power, it was still a hurt teenager that never took a second to heal and process the hurt. She covered it with ambitions and goals, hard work and dedication. We all heal different but just ignoring it never works - even time wont heal if you just ignore it. It will slowly tear you a part until you reach your breaking point and it will explode. 

There is one thing that could make Lexa stronger and that is love - but she apparently was not ready to face it yet even if it was right in front of her. Clarke was tired of getting her hopes up…she was also tired of constantly having her on her mind…

She was supposed to be alone in the little house by the lake but as her mind kept thinking about green eyes, brown hair and morning cuddles she made the decision. Of all people she was not sure why she dialed Niyhla - but she picked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey munchkins! 
> 
> Another chapter with drama and let's see what you think! I want to hear your beautiful thoughts I love reading them! 
> 
> As always - have an amazing day/evening/night!!


	14. Moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa tries to deal with everything that happened.

Lexa stared at her reflection in the mirror, studying her tired face and messy hair. She washed her face with cold water to wake up - it was 04:30 in the morning but she was not able to sleep. Clarke had been gone for days and to keep her mind of the blonde she buried herself with work, she was the first person in the office and the last one to go. She was not gonna lie - she had been super productive and had some really huge projects going and amazing deals because of it. She knew how to be a workaholic - that’s why she stayed as long as possible because when she got home to her empty apartment only her alone with her thoughts - that’s when she forgot how to function. She had not slept properly and she was getting exhausted. She was lucky make-up existed and espresso shots - otherwise people would start asking questions. Her assistant had made a few comments but Lexa shut them down ensuring she was fine.

She was not fine - she hurt Clarke and she fucked everything up. Alone in the dark she realized how freaking stupid she was. The only one who screwed this up was her - because of the fear of being heartbroken but instead she ended up breaking someone else’s for her selfish behavior. It was worse knowing Clarke was hurting because of her - and the stupid reason that she was to afraid to admit that she wanted the blonde as much as Clarke wanted her. Hell - she had not been more happier than her time spent with her, it was like she was finally living and she did not want it to end. The fear of committing because she thought it would end them? Lexa was dumb for thinking that… She could have the blonde next to her every morning but instead she choose to strictly only sex when she freaking knew that she wanted more with her. Same feelings she had five years ago - she was special. Clarke was the one to make her realize life is more than just meaningless sex and work. 

The worst thing is getting a taste of that life - and then go back to what she had. Now Lexa knows how it is to actually care about someone even if she would not admit it at the time. She wish she could go back to not care - but how could she possible to that when being with Clarke is 100% better than her life before her. She had tried calling her, texting her - but nothing. She hurt Clarke and she hated herself for it - she destroyed this and she was the one to blame. 

She once again studied her face in the mirror - with make-up on she looked human, no one could see that she was breaking inside.

***

”That’s beautiful” Niyhla smiled.  
”Thank you” Clarke smiled back. ”I’m afraid it’s a bit too… raw?”   
”I can feel your pain by just looking at it… but at the same time it’s something beautiful that you’re holding onto”   
”Pretty legit” Clarke nervously chuckled.   
”Wanna talk about it?”   
”What would you do if… how should I explain this - it’s a bit complicated”   
”Give it a try, I like complicated” Niyhla encouraged her.   
”Finn proposed to me”  
”Wha-?”   
”Wait” Clarke cut her off. ”He proposed but I have not answered - I met someone that I really fell for but she’s to afraid of committing and she keeps hurting me because she does not want more than sex…She got her heart broken and now she building walls so high I’m afraid no one can break them…I tried, I really fucking tried and I know - that deep down she feels the same way. I can feel it when she kisses me, the way she smiled at me when she woke up. All the small things that matter you know? Like, when I was cold she gave me her sweater, she knew when I was hungry or tired. She would always pick me up from work…”  
”Sounds more like sex…yes” Niyhla agreed.  
”Before I got here I told her I was done with it - because I keep getting hurt.”  
”Well she sounds a bit insecure and why would she keep leaning you on? It’s mean”   
”Well we had a deal… like no strings attached but I mean in the beginning yes - but when we started hanging outside of the bed I mean… I thought it was mutual”   
”Hmmm…and the proposal?”   
”Well you know Finn… He wants to give us another try - he really believes in us. He does everything right - he wants the same things as me and i still love him”  
”So you are considering it?”  
”Yes..”  
”Are you stupid?”   
”Excuse me?”  
”Just because he’s doing everything by the book it does not mean it’s right - obviously you have feelings for someone else, do you really think it’s fair to marry him? Let me ask you something, yes you love him but are you still in love with him?” Niyhla asked and Clarke stayed quite for a while, thinking.  
”No…” She finally breathed. ”I’m an idiot”  
”You’re not - but as much as she’s is leaning you on you have to stop leaning Finn up like some sort of second choice - otherwise you’re just as bad as her. Sorry but it’s the truth”   
”I need the truth”  
”And then you should focus on yourself instead - you don’t have to date someone, how about dating yourself for a little while?”   
”You are right…” Clarke sighed.  
”Have you really experienced single life lately?”   
”Not really…  
”I mean fuck it - have some fun girl!”  
”This is why I like you” Clarke chuckled and it felt good to finally smile. 

***

Clarke really took Niyhla’s word by heart - and she might was having a little to much fun. She was going out every time she could and usually ended it with a one night stand. After a very heart to heart talk with Finn - who actually took it better than she thought - she got some sort of don’t give a fuck attitude. After talking with Finn he had sort of realized that maybe he was just looking for quick fix without really thinking as well - they agreed to stay friends - and actually did. They had been out a few times together and actually winged each other to different people - they had so much fun together and with all the pressure gone they could finally relax and enjoy the company as they used to (but just as friends of course). 

She actually liked the single life - not that her and Lexa had been together but they did spend almost every day together and did not see other people so - well if Lexa could decide - she would say that was not dating. For Clarke that had not really been ”the typical single life” - so she she enjoyed the feeling of feeling free. 

She also did everything in her power to avoid the brunette - they had not seen each other in perhaps four weeks now. She was lucky the most important meetings was already done - now she had to focus on the art and Lexa was doing everything in the background. They communicated via her assistant mostly - Lexa tried to call her but Clarke ignored it and called Alicia instead. She was not in the mood - or maybe she was afraid of feeling to much if she saw or heard her voice, better to be safe. 

Her art was getting really different but she liked the style - she had a roller coaster of emotions these months and she loved to express that on paper. It was a lot of dark mixed with color and hope - she was finally feeling like it was all coming together. Niyhla helped her a lot as well - giving her tips and motivated to try these new things she was expressing. It was scaring to step out of the normal - but it was also exciting. 

Her friends was also enjoying this Clarke - especially Raven, it had been a long time since she was this care free and confident. She made a promise to herself, that everyday do something for herself and she did. Her confident grew each day and she loved it, it could be simple things like treat herself with a nice breakfast at some cafe or buy some new clothes. She would stare at herself in the mirror and each day decide something she loved about herself - it was all the love she needed at the moment. Self-love! 

As long as she avoided Lexa it worked… but the other night she had her in her mind, she almost called her because truth to be told she missed her so damn much even if she tried to ignore it. Should of know it would not happen because it wasn’t right thing to do - but she really wanted to hear her voice. Clarke really had believed they could had been something - almost thought Lexa would fight for her and that they could have a try… she still want the brunette stealing her time even if she said she wanted to be alone. Damn it.. she should have listened to her guts in the beginning - that it would never work between them, that it would not end well but Clarke was only human like everyone else - probably would never learn because she still wanted Lexa for herself.

Was it worth the fall? All the pain, the pleasure, the good and the bad? No - so she never called the brunette. She could not make Lexa love her if she didn’t - you can’t force your heart to feel something it does not - so she needed to move on.

Each day she tried to move on - focus on herself and her own health.

***

”You look like shit” Anya was a charmer as always.   
”Always a pleasure, hi Raven” Lexa greeted her with a hug.  
”Have not seen you in ages, how are you?” Raven asked.  
”Work is amazing, its good” For real? Did she really answer that question with work?  
”Good to hear!” Raven smiled, good thing she didn't notice.   
”She did not ask about work stupid - she asked how YOU are?” Anya could not be fooled. ”Look at me” Her sister gently grabbed her chin and her eyes was studying her face. ”Lexa…”   
”I’m fine sister!” Lexa forced her best fake smile - she had to try her best to convince her.   
”Did you come straight from work?” Anya looked at Lexa’s bag.   
”Yes I needed to do some things”   
”On a Saturday?”  
”You know she works weekends” Raven tried.   
”When did you get to work this morning? Anya ignored her and looked angry at her sister.  
”It was just before I got here” Lexa lied.  
”Stop freaking lying to me”  
”5 in the morning” Lexa knew it was pointless to lie to her sister… that it why he had tried to avoid her as much as possible lately.   
”It’s 8 in the evening now?!” Even Raven was shocked.   
”Why do you not talk to me? Did you really think that make-up was gonna cover your black bags under your eyes?”   
”You know I’m a workaholic - I knew you would react like this”   
”Well I remember what happened last time, so excuse me for being worried!”   
”It’s not like the last time” Lexa said shyly since Raven had no idea what they where talking about.   
”No it looks fucking worse, when was the last time you had a day off?”   
”Can we just enjoy dinner now?” Lexa tried.   
”Answer me Lexa!”  
”You know what” Lexa fired back. ”I did not come here for you to judge me for fuck sake - sorry Raven - I wont stay for this”   
”DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE!” Anya raised her voice but Lexa just grabbed her bag and slammed the door behind her. She was quick to get to her car - her sister could follow and try to stop her. She could understand why her sister was worried - but she was not in the mood to talk about it all she had wanted was some nice company - to not work and actually be able to focus on anything else than Clarke. Maybe she was foolish to think that Anya would ignore this… fuck.

***

Clarke was so proud of herself for having her first jogging done in years, she had finished work early got home and just had this idea - she felt like a healthy goddess entering her apartment again. A real self boost she would recommend to all her friends but probably never do again. She walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge…empty. Take out again, she walked to her phone and saw ”1 new voice message” from Alicia. She put it on speaker.

”Hi Clarke, it’s Alica. Hope you’re okay. I am just calling you to remind you about the trip to New York this weekend. Lexa will pick you up 06:45 outside your apartment with a cab on Friday - bring a nice cocktail dress and your portfolio. If you have any questions please call me back and I will gladly answer them! I think that’s it… it will be some traveling now! This is the funny parts! You deserve this! Have a lovely evening!” 

Clarke almost choke on her water - she had totally forgot about this. A whole freaking weekend alone with Lexa? 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY! I know this took forever!! You can scream at me for the long wait - it's okay! I actually lost all my inspiration and also got caught up in life for a minute... But I'm back munchkins! 
> 
> Question of the day - so I have two way's of leading this story. Would you like the longer version or the shorter? 
> 
> Up to you my dears! 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter and I hope the new year is treating you good!   
> Take care! :')


	15. New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke travel to New York together.

Clarke looked at herself in the mirror, she looked tired - hell she had not been able to sleep this night knowing she was about to spend a weekend with Lexa. The woman she had not seen in forever. She was gonna be here any second picking her up - they texted now so it was one step further for them. 

New message  
Lexa: I am here now.   
Clarke: I’ll be there in a second.

It looked like two strangers speaking and if Clarke just scrolled up there was selfies, emojis and memes - even pictures of them together that made her her heart ache a bit. How drastic everything can change… 

She put on her coat and shoes, grabbed her bag - one last look in the mirror - and they she left the apartment. A black car was waiting outside and the chauffeur was ready to greet her when she got out of the building.  
”Miss Griffin” He smiled.  
”Yes” Clarke smiled back.  
”Let me take your bag!” He reached for it and Clarke thanked him - she watched him pack the car because she tried to stall a bit.  
”Thank you” Clarke said again before she opened the car door, the brunette was sitting in there watching the blonde carefully get in.   
”Hi” Lexa whispered.   
”Hi” Clarke said as she put on her seatbelt.   
”How are you?” Lexa tried.  
”Can we please skip the small talk?” Clarke rolled her eyes annoyed, the brunette did not answer that and for the rest of the car ride she looked out of the window. 

The blonde felt a little bad after a while, perhaps that had been rude - but rule number one, she not a morning person and… she was still mad with her. Sitting there looking beautiful this early in the morning, she could tell Lexa was tired though, she had bags under her eyes and they where pretty dark even though she had tried to cover it with make up. Lexa usually never looked this tired and Clarke worried that she was not to well - and that maybe she should of answered Lexa earlier this morning so she could ask her back. How are you is a simple question.

This was weak Clarke thinking - she knew she would struggle as soon as she saw Lexa. How could she not? Nope, she made the right decision - this was now only business and the brunette lost her chance of anything else. 

***

8 weeks earlier. 

”That hotel looks amazing!” Clarke already day dreamed about it.  
”You decide babe, you like it?” Lexa smiled as she was showing Clarke the hotels her assistance had sent her by mail. They where laying on Lexa’s bed, on their stomachs playing with their legs in the air like teenagers.   
”Duh!” Clarke chuckled. ”Will we have any free time in New York?” she smirked.   
”Yes - not to much but yes” Lexa informed her.  
”I was just imagining all the fun things we can to there together - but maybe we can go another time” Clarke suggested.  
”Or we can stay an extra day?” Lexa closed her laptop and turned around to her back, Clarke was quick to lean on the brunettes chest.   
”Really” The blonde smiled and looked into the most beautiful green eyes.  
”Really” Lexa smiled, she air kissed to show she wanted Clarke to kiss her - the blonde did not hesitate when she leaned in closer and kissed her. Lexa put her arms around the blonde and hugged her into the kiss - none of them wanted to moment to end.

***

Lexa shrugged at the memory as she entered her hotel room - they where suppose to share but of course because of the circumstances another room was booked. It was a nice room - clean,stylish modern - the way she liked it. She hoped Clarke would enjoy it as well, Lexa did not care to settle, she opened her laptop immediately and checked her email. There was an conference shortly, short break and then dinner with the clients. Today was just a chance for Clarke to get her face out there, for people to see who she is. A quit knock on the door interrupted her from typing, she did not have to go long to open the door.  
”Hi” She was surprised to see Clarke standing there, she had changed into a black suit and she looked extremely good.  
”Hi, sorry - I just” She seemed to struggle.  
”We will go there together, let me just get my bag” Lexa understood.

It was an awkward walk to the conference room - it was placed in the same building as the hotel. Lexa liked planning it like that - made everyone comforted and they did not have to travel all over town. She was scared to talk now - even if she wanted to break the silence - but the blonde had shut her down real quick this morning.  
”Sorry if I was a bit harsh earlier” Clarke finally spoke.   
”It’s okay” Lexa did not know what to say - they could barely look at each other. It was quite again. 

”I am tired” Clarke randomly said and Lexa looked at her confused. ”Well like an answer to your question - I feel exhausted”   
”Makes us two then” Lexa told her - because it was the truth, it was still so awkward. Everything they did felt so forced and unnatural.  
”Okay” Lexa stopped Clarke from moving by slightly grabbing her arm. ”I know this sucks and I am sorry you have to spend the weekend with me… but please know that I am still going to fight for you with this journey - I never had any doubts with you and it’s gonna be easy represent you.”   
”Lexa” Clarke looked at her with sadness in her eyes.  
”I am sorry okay but maybe we can try not to make this so weird - people are gonna notice if we are acting strange towards each other. If we seem fake - they are not gonna buy it either”   
”I don’t want things to be this awkward between us” Clarke admitted.   
”We are okay now - we just have to sit and listen. But at the dinner later… people love it when you have a good connection - it sells” Lexa hated this - it felt like she forced Clarke to be nice to her but honestly this was true - and she wanted the best for her.  
”Okay, I can do it… but just know it’s for the act okay?” Clarke asked her.  
”Yeah” That hurt a little bit - but she deserved it.  
”And…I still appreciate everything you do for me - I mean how could I not? I don’t hate being here - I am excited” Clarke sighed. ”It’s just a bit hard with…everything that happened”   
”I know” Lexa agreed. ”Shall we?”   
”Yes”

***

8 weeks earlier

”We can have breakfast in bed - or dinner or lunch” Lexa said happily as they shared their morning coffee noticing they had nothing to to eat for breakfast.   
”I never had room service before” Clarke told her.  
”What?” Lexa was shocked. ”Then we have to do it - that’s the best thing ever! Having sex - then call room service and eat in bed” Lexa sounded excited.   
”Of course you know all about it” Clarke winked.   
”I heard I mean” Lexa smiled shyly.   
”So I’m gonna be like any other girl?” Clarke sounded jealous but really she hated to think about Lexa with someone else.  
”You know you’re not like any of them - and I promise you, you’re gonna love it”   
”Okay - give me a kiss” Clarke pouted and Lexa walked over to her grabbed her cheeks and placed kisses all over her. ”More” Clarke chuckled and Lexa continued happily.   
”You’re gonna love it” Lexa smiled and once again she moved to open the fridge to see if something magically appeared that was not there before.  
”My first room service - if it comes with you - yes I think I’m gonna love it!” Clarke teased.  
”Mhhmm” Lexa smirked.   
”But that does not help us right now - you don’t have anything you checked like five times now”  
”And who’s fault is that?”   
”I told you you could go to the store last night” Clarke told her.  
”Well - you made it a bit hard considering your fingers where inside of me” Lexa rolled her eyes.  
”Still - I gave you a choice”   
”And I made the right choice by staying”   
”Good girl!” Clarke winked. ”Let’s go out for breakfast and get you some food before you get too grumpy”   
”Move you’re ass then” Lexa liked the idea and gently slapped Clarke’s ass on their way out of the kitchen.

***

The warm water felt so nice on Lexa’s naked body - the memories was sneaking up on her and she had no idea for how long she had been in there. After her little chat with Clarke it was a bit lighter but she was still scared for this dinner - but they had agreed on trying their best. It was a three course meal so they would have to spend at least four hours if not more together. 

She finally got out of the shower and put a towel around her body, she started with her make up immediately. She wanted to look good tonight - it was a small ego boost she enjoyed in life. These events, she was always respected and treated like a queen. She was one of the best and people looked up to her - they wanted her attention, opinions and she felt proud of herself. 

As she finished her make up and had her black skin tight dress on she looked at the time - Clarke should be here any minute now. She put her heels on and finished up with red lipstick - she looked good. Some parts wanted to impress someone else tonight - who was already here by the knock on the door. Lexa took a deep breath before she opened the door - Clarke was dressed in a red beautiful dress, her hair was curly and placed to the left side, her dress was shorter and her legs looked amazing in her heels. Lexa could not help but stare up and down - to her surprise Clarke seemed to to the same thing.  
”You look amazing” Lexa told her, she wanted to say beautiful but was not sure she was allowed to.  
”So do you” Clarke actually smiled this time.  
”Let’s go” 

The dinner was hosted in the hotel as well - the dining area was beautiful and Lexa was truly impressed by it. As she guessed people tried their best to greet her as soon as she entered the room - people turned around to just have a look at her.   
”It’s like I’m standing besides Beyonce or something - but the business versions of it” Clarke was surprised and a bit unsure what to do with so many people looking at them.   
”Miss Woods, I pleasure to see you again” A random man greeted them - he was young and truly handsome. Lexa turned around and gave him a smile.  
”Alexander” They shared a quick kiss on the cheek. ”Please, this is Clarke” Lexa moved a bit and the blonde took a step further to greet him - Lexa could not help but get a bit annoyed on how he looked at Clarke - like he was ready to eat her up.   
”Nice to meet you” Clarke smiled.  
”Pleasure is mine” Alexander smiled and grabbed her hand and gave it a gently kiss - Clarke blushed and Lexa rolled her eyes - hopefully unnoticed. ”A client of Woods - you’re in good hands and I would gladly discuss further cooperations - here is my card”   
”Thank you Alexander - we have to find our seats now” Lexa placed a gently hand on Clarke’s back - and the blonde followed the move. 

They had the seats in the front, there was a stage in front of them so it would probably be some live music or other entertaining.   
”Miss Woods” The table was already full by six other men and all of them stood up when Lexa got close to greet her.   
”Nice to see you all again” Lexa told them. ”This is Clarke Griffin, my next victim” Lexa winked and all of them laughed on a cue. Suck outs.   
”We want to hear all about you Miss Griffin” One of them smiled as they moved the chair for her - what a gentleman. Lexa hated that everyone was looking at Clarke like a snack… The started was already coming out and Clarke looked at it confused.   
”Everything is just fancy” Lexa whispered to her. ”You leave this place hungry - I promise” The blonde laughed at it and Lexa could not help the warm feeling inside of her making Clarke laugh again. It had been forever since she heard that laugh.

The dinner was going really smooth - between the dishes Lexa introduced Clarke to as many people as possible. She even met some old friends, they had a lovely chat while Clarke was going around by herself to mingle. Lexa liked that she was independent - she had a few clients that did not want to talk to anyone unless she had joined them. At the main dish Clarke even made a few jokes on how ridiculous it was - it was like having a appetizer - it was not much but the blonde seemed to have a good time and it made Lexa happy. 

It seemed like everyone had a good evening - after the desserts people stayed for drinks and the music. As some events people where quick to leave when dinner was finished that but not tonight.  
”Hey” Clarke greeted her. ”This was an lovely evening, I talked to so many cool artists today as well - thank you!”   
”Happy you enjoyed it” Lexa smiled at her. ”This is just New York”   
”Insane…I feel like it’s finally real - that this is actually happening”   
”Big things awaiting!”   
”Well - I am actually really tired, it’s been a long day.”  
”It has” Lexa agreed.  
”And also you where right” Clarke chuckled. ”I actually feel more hungry than when we first got here” and Lexa chuckled as well.  
”Told you” Lexa raised her eyebrows.   
”Goodnight” Clarke nodded.  
”Goodnight” 

Lexa only stayed a little longer to say goodbye to some people - she already missed Clarke’s presence. She was actually still hungry as well and her mind slipped to room service…What if she ordered food… perhaps extra and she could bring some to Clarke? She did promise her room service and maybe they could just sit down and talk - maybe she would be surprised that she remembered? 

Lexa was excited about the idea and hurried back to her hotel room - she washed her face and changed to comfortable clothes. She looked at the menu - Clarke loved Carbonara, perfect. Should she order a bottle of wine? That should probably make it easier to talk - ease the tension. 

Was this a good idea? Could this be a good ice breaker, because she really wanted them to talk - she wanted to talk and a nice gesture could help right? They both loved food - she quickly called and ordered before she could change her mind - what if she was already sleeping? Was this perhaps a bad idea when both of them where so tired from traveling and everything? 

Too late now… a while later they knocked on the door with food ready, she had asked for it in a takeaway bag and they had listened. She gave the boy some tip before she grabbed the bag and made her way to the elevator - Clarke lived 3 floors higher than her, well the original room they where suppose to share. Lexa could not help but smile nervously as a little teenager in the elevator, as she got to the right floor she could hear voice in the hall. She followed them and her heart probably felt 10 millions knifes at once - the voice belonged to Clarke and Alexander from earlier, he was standing outside her door - they where talking but she could not hear them. She swallowed the tears and turned around back to the elevator. 

How could she be stupid to think that Clarke wanted to spend an evening with her after everything she’s done? Of course she was moving on - it hurt so bad, the thought of her with someone else. 

She could slowly feel herself break as she slowly walked back to her room - she threw the food on the way but kept the wine - she needed alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yo!
> 
> Our girls are in New York - let me know what's on your mind! 
> 
> Have a wonderful weekend! 
> 
> :)


	16. City of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip in New York is getting intense.

The headache was killing her - she looked at the time, 07:06. She managed to get 2 hours of sleep before her alarm rang. Her body was aching and she had gather all of her strength to just sit up, Lexa sighed. She could really feel how exhausted she was - her body was starting to give up on her. All the sleepless night and her work was sneaking up on her - bringing alcohol to the picture had not been the best idea.

She felt numb this morning, as usual she put her face on, put on some nice black pants and a white t-shirt - it was sunny outside, she gladly put on her sunglasses to ease the pain. Slowly she made her way down to the lobby where she would find breakfast.  
”Good morning” Clarke smiled at her, she looked rested.   
”Morning” Lexa told her before she moved her way to the breakfast - everything made her stomach ache by just looking at it - coffee it is. 

”Not hungry?” Clarke asked her as she sat down in front of the blonde.   
”No” Lexa told her, she tried the coffee and that was what she needed at the moment.   
”You love breakfast” Clarke looked at her strange.   
”Not today” Lexa yawned.   
”Are you feeling okay?” Clarke looked worried.  
”Yes - just a bit tired still” Lexa finished the coffee a bit to quick but she was not in the mood to small talk with Clarke - hell she had been up all night thinking about the blonde.   
”You are acting weirder than normal”   
”I need to make some calls - see you later. You have the afternoon off”   
”Don’t you? Maybe you should rest?”   
”Duty calls” Lexa didn’t have to work - she wanted to distract herself.   
”I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do…” Clarke seemed to wonder away in her thoughts.  
”You figure something out” Lexa stood up. ”I’ll text you later - I have to check the schedule and I’ll get back to you about the details” and then she left the room without even waiting for the blonde to respond. 

***

Clarke went back to her room to get her bag and change her outfit - Lexa had been acting strange this morning - she looked exhausted and her eyes were a bit red, like she had been crying. Clarke hated that she worried about her - but in the end of the day she still cared so much about the brunette. 

Yesterday it seemed like they finally had got to an ”okay” place - they talked normally and actually shared a few funny moments together. Nothing big - just co-existing during their business. Today was different though…because Lexa had talked about how they could go see some art studios today, meet some artist and just get some inspiration - that seemed to be all gone now. 

It was still so early, what the hell should she do all day? She decided to go down to the lobby and order a cab somewhere - she had been in New York before but that was a long time ago - she wanted to enjoy the city. 

She found some typical tourist stuff she could read - she sat down and started looking for a small adventure for the day.   
”Good morning” Alexander approached her.   
”Morning” Clarke looked at him a bit annoyed.  
”Hey I wanna apologize for last night…” He sat down next to her. ”I had a bit too much to drink - and I thought we shared some chemistry and sent some signals towards each other…it was wrong of me to think…”   
”It’s okay, let’s just forget about it” Clarke did not feel like talking about how he knocked on her door last night expecting sex.   
”Well…I’m really not one one those guys… I just really fancy you and I’m sorry”   
”It’s okay” Clarke repeated herself.  
”So what’s your plan for the day” He looked at what she was reading with a little smirk on his face.   
”Yeah…” Clarke was not sure what to say.  
”That mean that you are free, let me make this up to you by showing you the real New York - without the annoying tourist bullshit”   
”You?” Clarke was not convinced.   
”I was raised in this city, I know all the best parts of it - come on it will be fun and hopefully you won’t see me as a douche at the end of the day” He smiled and stood up and reached for her hand. ”Come on Miss Griffin - it’s an adventure you can’t say no to”   
”Fine” Clarke rolled her eyes and let him help her up from the seat. ”Don’t expect anything though, this is not a date”   
”Not a date, okay” Alex smiled. ”Hey!” His smile went wider. ”Miss Woods - good morning! What are your plans for the day?” He asked her, Clarke studied Lexa - she looked like a mess? Not the visible mess - but if you truly know someone and can see right through them kind of mess? What was going on.  
”Morning” Lexa greeted them. ”You two have fun, I have to run” She pointed towards her phone that was ringing and was quick to leave them.   
”Is she not amazing? Like - I want to be like her one day - truly inspirational, the work ethic - just wow!”   
”She never stops right” Clarke looked at the brunette leave curios, something was definitely up.   
”Anyway - let’s go blondie! Time for some fun!” 

 

Lexa looked back at Alexander and Clarke - she did not blame him for flirting - she blamed herself for what she was about to do. She took a deep breath before she walked up to them again.  
”Sorry to ruin your plans but I will need Clarke today” Lexa lied - she did not need her until later that afternoon.  
”That’s a bummer” Alexander told them.   
”I thought I had the day free?” Clarke asked and now Lexa really felt bad for lying - this was not right. She could not lie just because she was jealous…  
”I finished up my work for the day - I was thinking about the artists I wanted you to meet. It’s not written in stone - if you rather want to spend the day with Alexander - you’re welcome too” A good save though - then it was not a complete lie and Clarke would have a choice.   
”Oh - maybe I can take her?” Alex suggested, well this backfired. ”You of all people deserve a little break, I would not mind at all”   
”She’s my client Alexander” Lexa felt like a kid. ”You know what, sure - go for it. I have a lot of other stuff I can catch up with then - have fun”   
”Wait” Clarke stopped her. ”We…made these plans together”  
”I understand if you rather spend the day with him” Lexa told her, they where standing a bit further away so Alexander could not hear them.  
”It’s not what it looks like” Clarke awkwardly told her.   
”You don’t have to explain yourself. This is your free time”  
”Don’t be like this…”  
”I just…” Lexa had to close her eyes for a second, she was getting dizzy. ”I’m sorry I have to go, enjoy… you will love these places Clarke - Alex is good he will take care of you and introduce you to the right people”   
”Lexa?” Clarke looked at her worried. ”You look a little pale?”   
”I’m okay, just a little low since I skipped breakfast I guess” Lexa lied.  
”Why don’t you come with us? We can get something to eat as well?” Clarke suggested.  
”Nice - but I rather not spend the day watching you flirt with someone else, thank you though” Lexa’s head was spinning. ”Sorry, I have to go” she really needed to get out of there.

***

Clarke had a hard time focusing, her mind was constantly with Lexa unfortunately. She could not help it - at the end of the day she was still in love with this girl and trying to move on was not the easiest. The brunette had texted her not long after they left each other in the lobby informing her all the details for later but that herself could not attend. It was a meeting with the marketing manager and apparently Lexa believed she could to it by herself and that all details would be discussed with Lexa later on anyways. Something was not right…

She excused herself after a few hours with Alexander - had had been great and she had seen some incredible art and artist - she could not concentrate anymore. They ended up sharing a cab back to the hotel - she thanked him but rushed away before he could say anything else. She knew he had been flirting all day and probably wanted to see each other again. Hell - could she ever just breath? 

The meeting had been a success - Clarke smiled as she left the room. Lexa had been right, she did not have to be there. They discuss many cool things and he had been very positive for her own ideas as well - she could not help it but she wanted to share these news with Lexa. She moved her way to her floor and knocked gently on the door. She waited a minute but nothing - she knocked a little louder this time but still no one opened the door.  
”LEXA?” Clarke yelled through the door, she tried to listen and perhaps she was not home. She decided to take a walk downstairs, she checked with the reception they had no idea, the lobby, the restaurant the bar and any possible room she could have been in downstairs. Where the hell was she? She took out her phone and Lexa’s number.

Clarke: Where are you? 

Clarke decided to go back to her room and was surprised to see the brunette sitting outside of her door.  
”Lexa?” Clarke asked.  
”Hey” Lexa slurred.  
”You’re drunk?” Clarke helped the brunette up, she opened her room and forced the woman to go inside as well, they did not want to make a scene in the hallway. ”So this is why you could not join me today? Because you where busily getting drunk?”   
”I’m sorry” Lexa looked so tiny at the moment - Clarke felt pity for her.   
”What’s going on with you?” Clarke sighed as she handed her a bottle of water. ”What are you doing here?”   
”I was going to my room but somehow I walked here” Lexa told her like it was the most normal thing in the world. ”How was you date?”   
”It was not a date, can you please drink that water and sober up so that I can scream at you?” Clarke was getting annoyed.   
”I should go back to my room” Lexa tried to stand up but her body was not working with her.  
”Do you really have to get yourself this drunk to get some balls to talk to me?” Clarke mumbled.   
”I think something is wrong with me” Lexa didn’t reply to Clarke’s question.   
”There is a lot of things wrong with you” Clarke fired back.  
”Yes” Lexa fell back on the bed and closed her eyes.   
”Sleep it off” Clarke rolled her eyes as she went to the bathroom, she washed her face and changed into comfortable clothes. As she got out she studied Lexa, she was heavily sleeping - she moved her body under the blankets and made sure she was laying on the side instead. As she was done she could not help but stroke some hair behind the brunettes ear, she looked peaceful at the moment. A sight she had not seen for a long time…  
”Why do you have to be such an asshole” Clarke sighed - she then walked her way to other side of the bed and laid down to get some sleep as well. 

***

Clarke woke up the next day by careful noises in her room, she slowly opened her eyes and saw Lexa sneaking in her room.  
”So you’re just gonna leave?” Clarke whispered, her voice was barely with her due to just waking up.   
”I don’t want to bother you” Lexa told her.  
”What time is is?”   
”It’s 3, middle of the night”   
”For fuck sake, what are you even doing awake”   
”I am sorry for last night”   
”Don’t you fucking leave this room just yet” Clarke stopped the brunette from leaving.  
”Okay” Lexa took a deep breath and walked back to the bed.  
”Why where you sitting outside my room drunk today?”   
”I wanted to see you” Lexa told her.  
”Drunk?”   
”Fuck…” Lexa swore. ”Do you want to hear how pathetic it really is?”   
”Yes, please talk to me - why are you alway shutting me out? I don’t care how stupid it is as long as I get an explanation for something!”   
”Okay - I fucked up with you. I thought I was not ready and blamed it on all my insecurities - I am selfish and stupid. I don’t know how to deal with my emotions…I ran and I end up in some self-harm act to punish myself - because I am fucked up…” Lexa took a deep breath. ”I saw you with Alexander and I got jealous, I wanted to kick him off the highest floor for even looking at you - that’s how selfish I am but I tried to swallow my pride and walk away and I ended up at the bar. I could not join you today because I was drinking my regrets like the piece of shit I am”   
”No, no no” Clarke hid her face in a pillow. ”Don’t do this to me - don’t come here and confuse me more”  
”You asked for it?” Lexa looked at her even more confused.   
”Do you only want me because you can’t have me now? Because you love the game so damn much?”   
”Clarke…” Lexa looked at the blonde. ”Please don’t say that. You are the only good thing that happened to me in years - I wasted it I know but… it was real - I mean fucking look at me? Do you think I would care if it had just been a game to me? Clarke you turned my life upside down and you can confuse my whole world with just one look - I feel so damn much towards you I don’t know how to handle it all”   
”It’s too late Lexa…” Clarke sighed.   
”What can I do to make this right?” Lexa asked her, she walked over and sat down next to the bed.  
”I don’t know if you can fix this” Clarke looked at her. ”You fucked me over so many times - I confessed my love to you and you rejected me so many times. Why would things change now?”   
”Because…” Lexa closed her eyes again, she was not the best to talk about her emotions. ”I’m in love with you Clarke Griffin - and if you give me a chance I will prove how much I love you”  
”Out” Clarke breathed, her voice breaking. ”Don’t say that Lexa” she was tearing up.  
”W-what?” Lexa looked at her confused. ”Clarke?”   
”No - I am done - get out of my room Lexa. You can’t come here and say that you love me?!” Clarke was raising her voice.   
”I’m sorry…?” Lexa grabbed her bag.   
”Please just go Lexa… stop playing games with my mind to make me forget you are a piece of shit who hurt me over and over - denied my love over and over - and you think that you can get drunk and confess your love for me? HAH - I am not that stupid - I won’t fall for you stupid act again, get out” Clarke pointed to the door.   
”But”   
”GET THE FUCK OUT LEXA!” Clarke screamed at her and Lexa almost jumped - she never heard her yell like this before.

She was quick out of the room and made sure to close the door behind her, what the hell did just happened? Did she screw things up even more than before? She slapped herself on the forehead - stupid idiot. Of all things you get drunk and wait for her at her doorstep? Fuck… of course it looks bad. It was a shit night but she also felt a bit relieved because she had finally managed to tell Clarke that she’s in love with her - maybe it would not be so hard to say it until she believes her now? Lexa was an idiot crazy in love with Clarke Griffin - that was the only truth she knew at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all have any of you noticed how bad I am at summery a chapter? :P 
> 
> Second of all - I was feeling nice and was happy with all the comments on my last chapter so I wanted to give back to you! Another chapter already - I know how amazing right? :D 
> 
> Third: I made a trailer for this fic - feel free to check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZS-SgB6jmw&t=4s
> 
> Not my proudest work - but I wasted my time on it so why not post it haha! Hope some of you may enjoy it! 
> 
> Fourth: So what are your thoughts about this chapter? 
> 
> Fifth: And last of all number five (I don't really have anything else to say it's just nice for the OCD + 5 is my lucky number) But I hope you like this chapter and the quick update... 
> 
> It's going to be a roller coaster from here - please hold on and do no hate me :') We are getting there!


	17. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday fun with friends.

Life had not been easier after the trip to New York - Clarke had completely played her part during the important times but as soon as they was alone she became cold and usually left before anything could be said. Lexa was confused - the day before they could at least be in the same room and have a conversation - this was different. 

It had been a week and once again she had heard nothing from the blonde - it was eating Lexa alive even more than before. Days became blurry and she had trouble remember things - it was hard to stay present and still she was not able to sleep. It was getting truly bad and that’s why she called her sister - she did not want to but she wanted to prevent previous scenarios. 

”Love” Anya threw her arms around Lexa as she stepped into her apartment.  
”I need help” Lexa threw herself in the sofa, today she had felt nothing - completely numb.  
”Can we call your therapist? Maybe she can write some…”  
”I don’t want to take more pills - I hated them” Lexa groaned.  
”So what do you want?” Anya asked her carefully. ”I’m worried”  
”Tell me that everything is gonna be alright” Lexa pleaded.  
”Everything is gonna be alright… so how bad is it?”  
”Depressed, anxiety…broken” Lexa shortly explained it - she left out the aching pain in her heart - she was not sure if it was from heartbreak or - the serious matter that the last time she got heartbroken the doctor found out her heart was fragile. She did not want to worry anyone with the fact.  
”I’m sorry things did not work out with Clarke…” Anya caressed her back. ”I know I pushed you into this…”  
”I screwed things up - I just… I feel like there is somethings wrong with me Anya”  
”There is nothing wrong with you Lexa” Her sister probably misunderstood her - she meant the fact that her body was strongly working against her.  
”I don’t know what to do… I can’t sleep”  
”Talk to her Lexa - you can still fix this” Anya sounded hopeful.  
”She hates me”  
”She could never hate you… she’s hurt just like you!”  
”Can I just stay here for a little while” Lexa whined - she needed - no she craved her sisters presence.  
”As long as you want to” Anya assured her. 

***

Lexa knew Clarke would not pick up if she called - or answer her texts if it was not work related. It was a Sunday and the blonde usually took that day off - she should be home if she was not completely wrong. Lexa drove around her neighborhood for probably an hour before she grew some balls and parked outside of Clarke’s apartment. It was hard to control her breathing once she rang on the doorbell.  
”Lexa?” Clarke opened the door, she had sweatpants on and a big t-shirt - seemed like she just woke up almost.  
”Is this bad timing?” Lexa managed to talk.  
”What are you doing here?” Clarke yawned.  
”You never return my calls or answer me so I guessed it was better to just show up”  
”Still what are you doing here?”  
”Can we talk?” Lexa asked and Clarke moved a bit to show that it was okay to come in. 

The apartment looked a bit messy - not to bad but not the usual vibe of her place. She noticed a lot of microwave food and perhaps one to many empty bottles of wine.  
”So what’s up?” Clarke sat down in the kitchen.  
”I wanna talk about New York” Lexa told her.  
”There is nothing to talk about”  
”Well I think there is” Lexa sighed. ”I know that you are mad at me - that I screwed up but I meant what I said that night”  
”I don’t believe it I’m sorry” Clarke rolled her eyes. ”You have to understand my point of view here - I confessed my love for you so many times but you denied it. What changed?”  
”I never said I did not love you” Lexa fired back.  
”As soon as I walked away - you decided that I was good enough?”  
”I was scared Clarke - I told you so many fucking times that I am a selfish girl. That I have trust issues and that is why I wanted us stay casual! You agreed on that? Remember, I was honest all the time and I did not plan to fall for you - and I didn't believe you could love me back”  
”You and me are like fire and gasoline” Clarke sighed.  
”So this is it? I am ready to give us a chance - to fight for us. This is new for me and I am sorry a fucked things up. I am beating myself up for it every day, trust me. Just give me a chance to prove that I love you”  
”I can’t do this again Lexa…”  
”I’m to late?” Lexa was getting sweaty, her heart was raising and she was getting dizzy.  
”With everything that happened…how can we move forward?”  
”Do you still want me?” Lexa swallowed she needed to lean on the counter to not lose her balance.  
”I’m not sure if I do…” Clarke whispered - it was not to convincing but enough to make Lexa’s heart get heavier.  
”Tell me that you don’t want me anymore…say something so that I know this is over for real” Lexa breathed. Clarke just looked at her with tears in her eyes quiet, Lexa felt a tear on her own cheek. Was the room moving? What the hell was going on… she needed to get out of there because the walls where moving closer and it was getting harder to breath. ”SAY IT” Lexa raised her voice, using her last strength.  
”I don’t want you anymore…” Clarke whispered and that was the cue, Lexa wanted to sink through the floor and she was not sure how she managed to leave the apartment as quick as she did… 

Fuck fuck fuck. 

***

Fuck fuck fuck. 

Clarke slammed the table, why did she say that? Should she ran after her? No… She had never seen Lexa like that before - the look in her eyes and her whole body language. She did not mean what she said - it was just the way Lexa looked at her - how real it was when the green eyes stared into her soul ”SAY IT” the words still echoed in her mind. She panicked - she truly panicked. How can she just come by and say that she loved her? 

Clarke wanted this so bad - but that was before Lexa walked away - not once but many times. She had tried so hard to get used to the face that the brunette did not want her anymore - and from nowhere she expressed her love? 

”I don’t want you anymore” 

Clarke sighed, she needed to control her breath because she was about to break into tears any second. This fucking girl - how Lexa could just walk into her kitchen and make her feel everything she tried to forget. She was scared, honestly - and that is why she lied.

Was that lie the end of them? What would Lexa think? Did she actually want this? What changed this time? She had trouble trusting Lexa - could she really be blamed? That girl was an emotional mess? Maybe she was confused because Clarke was rejecting her now? What if she gave in and she would once again realize she was not ready?

She said she was in love. Lexa said she loved her - can you really lie about something like that? Well she had just lied - saying she did not love her anymore…

No! Lexa had her chance Clarke was done with this roller coaster. 

***

”You are gonna stay” Anya rolled her eyes. ”Raven please back me up on this”  
”It’s for the best Lexa, you’re sister are worried and if you leave she’s gonna bother me so please just do us both a favor and stay”  
”I don’t wanna see Clarke right now” Lexa whined like a five year old.  
”I don’t want you alone - you have not left this cough for a week, I’m not even sure if you can blink anymore” Anya told her.  
”I have not seen you sleep since you got here” Raven informed her.  
”I sleep” Lexa lied, it was bad actually. Ever since her and Clarke’s talk it had just gone worse. She called in sick from work - she had not done that ever - but the pain in her chest was scaring her. She blamed it on the heartbreak to her sister - that she did not want to be alone - but Anya probably knew… When Costia left her she had been in i similar situation, she had been driving and the pain in her chest distracted her enough to get in a car accident. It had not been bad but enough to scare her sister to death.  
”You’re staying for dinner” Anya threw a towel on her. ”No discussion - and take a freaking shower”  
”Stupid Friday gathering” Lexa mumbled.  
”Maybe it will be fun?” Raven tried and Lexa stared at her with a look that could kill. ”No?”  
”Yes - Raven, it will be so much fun to spend a whole evening with the woman who does not want me anymore” Lexa yelled as she closed the bathroom door behind her the get in the shower.

Lexa could feel Anya’s eyes following her as she went to the fridge to get herself a beer, to survive this evening she needed it. Their friends was already here - Clarke was here - and Lexa was not feeling it. She could hear footsteps behind her and as she turned around her sister glared at her.  
”Are you okay?” She asked.  
”Never been better sis” Lexa sighed as she took her first sip of the beer.  
”You don’t look so good” Anya admitted.  
”Thanks” Lexa rolled her eyes.  
”No I mean…you’re a bit pale and your dark circles under your eyes…”  
”Okay okay” Lexa stopped her. ”I tried to cover them but it was not so easy”  
”It’s hard to cover up that you don’t sleep anymore” Anya raised her voice a bit and Lexa immediately hushed her, the last thing she wanted was for all of their friends to hear them argue about her mental health.  
”I’m fine!” Lexa whispered.  
”Girls!” Jasper got into the room and Lexa had never been so happy to see him.  
”Hey” She smiled at him.  
”Woa I love that beer, Anya you know how to buy alcohol” Jasper shouted happy as he saw the beer Lexa was drinking.  
”Help yourself” Lexa nodded towards the fridge and then she took the opportunity to leave. She sneaked back to the living room where everyone was seated, it was quite loud and no one noticed that she was back. She looked down as she walked to get a seat at the end of the large couch, she did not want to risk getting eye contact with Clarke.  
”So should we play a game?” Bellamy asked as Jasper and Anya came back as well.  
”I love games!” Raven smiled.  
”Who in the room?” Bellamy suggested.  
”The game where you state something and you have to point at the person it relates to the most?” Monty asked.  
”Damn right” Bellamy cheered him. ”Well as many people posting at you, let’s say you and Jasper are pointing at me, I have to drink two sips”  
”Cool, I’m down” Monty nodded.  
I can start, let’s warm up easy” Bellamy took a second to think. ”Who in the room usually get the most wasted?” He chuckled. ”On three we point, okay? 1…2…3” Everyone pointed at Jasper who just shrugged.  
”Alright, alright” He said as he finished drinking. ”My turn! Who in the room get’s laid the most?” Everyone took a second to think and as Jasper counted to three Lexa was surprised when all of them pointed at her.  
”Me?” She asked confused.  
”Look at you woman, you’re gorgeous” Bellamy smiled at her.  
”True” Octavia agreed and Lexa took a moment to look around at her friends, Clarke was staring at her - she looked sad. ”Your turn” Octavia woke her up.  
”Who in the room….” She wondered what she was gonna say. ”Who in the room…”  
”Excuse me” Clarke interrupted her as she quickly stood up and left the room.  
”Something wrong?” Raven yelled behind her.  
”Lexa…” Octavia looked at the brunette.  
”I’ll check on her” Lexa stood up. ”Continue the game” 

She made her way around the apartment to find Clarke in Anya’s room, she was sitting on the bed with her face in her hands. She gently knocked on the door to announce her presence.  
”I just need a minute” Clarke didn’t look up, Lexa ignored it and closed the door behind her as she walked closer to the blonde.  
”Hey” Lexa sat down next to her, she felt bad for the blonde - she hated seeing her in pain.  
”I said I just need a minute” Clarke repeated herself.  
”What’s wrong?” Lexa asked her.  
”You are what’s wrong” Clarke sighed. ”You have been hiding all freaking evening but as soon as you get credit for all the women you fucked you suddenly wake up and…”  
”What the fuck Clarke?” Lexa was not ready for this.  
”I just…” Clarke sighed. ”I can’t believe I fell for you Lexa…I am nothing to you right - I’m so stupid”  
”That is not true”  
”So it’s not true that you slept with every girl you ever made a move on? They are not wrong out there you know. You look like a goddess and you know exactly what to say - you manipulate and then you’re gone like nothing happened. Well the shit you do fucking hurt people”  
”Is that really what you think of me? After everything? You’re gonna bring up my past?”  
”Seriously?” Clarke scoffed. ”The only thing you blamed was your past with me?! And now suddenly… it does not matter?” Clarke raised her voice as she looked at the brunette angrily.  
”That is not the same” Lexa sighed she was feeling her heartbeat raise.  
”I freaking hate you” Clarke’s voice broke and Lexa just saw how anger turned to tears. ”I hate you Lexa.”  
”You don’t hate me” Lexa said calm, she could feel her heartbeat through her body - it was so strong it actually was hurting at each beat. She took a deep breath as she carefully reached for the blondes hand, she used the other to gently move Clarke’s head so the blonde had to look at her.  
”DON’T TOUCH ME!” Clarke pushed her arm away and stood up, Lexa stood up as well as she tried to calm her down. The blonde started to push her chest, it was painful - especially with her heart aching. ”I HATE YOU” Clarke kept slamming her chest.  
”Please stop” Lexa begged her, she didn’t care about the pain she was just in shook - this was her fault, she turned her into this. Clarke was crying as she tried to get out of Lexa’s hold, the brunette finally got her arms so she could not push her anymore.  
”You don’t hate me” Lexa whispered as she deeply looked into the blue eyes, the blonde finally gave up. Lexa could feel the blondes whole body relax in her hands.  
”Then make me hate you” Clarke cried, as the hectic movement finally stopped Lexa felt how the room was spinning.  
”Please…look at me Clarke, does it look that this means nothing to me? I am a…” Lexa took a step back, she was loosing her balance.  
”No stop it” Clarke told her. ”I don’t want to hear this now?”  
”Because you don’t want me anymore?” Lexa asked her, she was not sure she believed it.  
”You are such a hypocrite - no wonder Costia left you” Clarke’s word cut deep, Lexa felt her anxiety and she had trouble breathing.  
”Get my sister…” Lexa whispered - her whole body was in pain and she felt like screaming.  
”What is she gonna do? Back you up because you’re to much of a coward to have this discussion yourself?”  
”Please…” Lexa begged as she tried to take deep breaths, the whole room was spinning now and every word that came out of the blonde’s mouth made it worse.  
”This is exactly why - you can’t just storm to my apartment and say that you love me - you don’t mean it” was Clarke shouting? screaming? whispering? Lexa had no idea.  
”I do love you” she was not sure if she said it or thought i but at the second everything went black and suddenly it was dead quiet.

***

”LEXA?!” Clarke had been screaming at the brunette and suddenly she fell to the floor, what the fuck? ”HEEEEEELP!!!” Clarke screamed. It did not take long until their friends was storming into the bedroom.  
”Oh my good” Anya was the first one to the floor checking on her, Clarke felt like she saw everything in slow-motion. Was this her fault? She just wanted Lexa to feel some of the pain she felt…she knew she had been harsh but they had worse fights before? She was worried sick and the only thing she wanted to was bring Lexa into her arms and hold her tight.  
”Is she okay?” Clarke asked as the brunette was slowly opening her eyes, Anya turned around and she looked surprisingly angry at her.  
”I think it’s best you leave” Anya spitted through her teeth.  
”Wh-what?” Clarke was even more confused, she could feel someone grab her arm as she was dragged away from the room. How could the force her to leave when Lexa was hurt?  
”I agree with Anya…I’m sorry Clarke” It was Raven who spoke to her.  
”What did I do?” Clarke was getting teary again - why was all of her friends looking at her like she did this?  
”Come on, you can share a cab with me and Lincoln” Octavia joined them.  
”Lexa?” Clarke whispered.  
”She’s with Anya” Raven assured her.  
”Come on” Octavia opened the front door and Clarke was still so confused about everything that was going on. 

Why was Anya so angry with her? Why did they force her to leave? Why did Lexa pass out? She had so many questions. 

Was Lexa gonna be okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! 
> 
> Back at it again with a new chapter! It's never easy with Clexa? Hehe. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> If anyone is interested in watching the trailer:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZS-SgB6jmw&t=81s
> 
> Someone said link did not work so if you still have trouble and want to see it try this one:  
> https://www.youtube.com/user/Misslill15/videos
> 
> And look for the video called: The Affair (Clexa Fanfic AU Trailer) The 100 - Or simply search for Misslill15 on youtube haha! 
> 
> Anyway - I tried to make this chapter a bit longer, do you prefer it like that? And I am super curios on what you guys think about the chapter soooooo please let me know ;)
> 
> Muuuuch love!


	18. Abby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to her mother for help.

Lexa woke up with arms around her, she didn’t have to think twice - she could immediately tell who it was. She gently opened her eyes to adjust the sunlight in the unfamiliar room, she already knew it had to be bad. If her sister was next to her…yes, she was in the hospital. The last thing she remembered was Clarke screaming at her and how much she tried to calm her down - she not been able to talk her chest had been aching. She adjusted her body, even if she tried to do it carefully her sister woke up directly.   
”Piece of shit” Was the first thing that came out of Anya’s mouth. ”Don’t scare me like this”   
”What happened?” Lexa voice was barely with her and Anya handed her some water, her mouth was dry.  
”You passed out, we had to call the ambulance” Anya informed her. ”We did not get much information but I was told to call the doctor when you woke up” Lexa didn’t answer she finished the glass of water as she watched her sister reach for a button, she pressed it and it made a weird noise. ”How are you feeling?”   
”Exhausted”   
”Well, you finally slept for a few hours” Anya looked at the time.  
”Miss Woods” Both sisters reacted to the name and watched and elder man walk into the room.  
”Call me Lexa”   
”What’s wrong with my sister?” Anya was eager, she needed answers.   
”I can see in our records that you might be aware of your heart disease” The doctor was reading his journal.  
”WHAT?!” Anya yelled as she looked at Lexa angrily.  
”It was not bad - I was fine” Lexa was too tired to argue.   
”Have you experienced any stress lately? Insomnia? Pain in your chest?” The doctor asked.  
”Yes” Lexa nodded.  
”What? How do you fix this? Is it dangerous?” Anya rambled.   
”Well…The last time, your heart was fine but we discovered that your hearts fragile and you should also have been informed that - stress etc will make it worse. The reason you passed out last night is because your heart was, lets say being overheated - to much happened at the same time and i damaged your heart”   
”What the fuck is an fragile heart???” Her sister was scared, Lexa could tell.  
”We will need to run some tests…and you have some options to discuss”  
”What options?” Lexa asked.  
”You can decide to live with the condition, but since it has gotten worse - it might end worse than just passing out the next time”  
”Meaning?” Anya asked.  
”For example, an heart attack”   
”HEART ATTACK?!” Anya was raising her voice again. ”She’s in her twenties, how is that possible?” Lexa grabbed Anya’s hand and gently squeezed it, that was the hidden sign they used when they where younger, each time Lexa was scared and needed her sister - she was supposed to this. By the touch Anya finally understood - she needed to be the calm one at the moment - her little sister needed to feel safe.  
”I’m afraid so, or we can proceed heart surgery to completely heal your heart and prevent this from ever happen again”   
”So why is it optional?” Lexa knew it had to be a catch.  
”There is 60% chance of surviving these kind of operation”   
”That is…that is almost 50/50…” Anya sighed.  
”I know this is a lot of information to take in Lexa and we will give you some time to think. You also need rest - a lot of it. I will assign you some sleep medication and monitor your heart, just to be on safe side to see if it gives any side effects.” His voice was fading, Lexa just stared at nothing - she knew it. She knew something was wrong, the pain in her chest was not normal but she never realized it could actually be this bad.  
”I think we should let Lexa rest” The doctor was looking at Anya.  
”I don’t want to leave her”   
”You need to rest as well” Lexa told her.   
”We can notify you when she’s awake”  
”It’s okay” Lexa knew her sister must be terrified, she looked her in the eyes and tried to give her most convincing smile. ”I won’t go anywhere” She tried to make a joke but was not really successful.   
”You better not!” Anya told her. ”I love you” Her sister gave her a kiss on her forehead before she jumped out of the bed. ”I’ll be back before you know it” 

”Doctor” Anya rushed after him once she closed the door behind her.  
”Yes?” He turned around.  
”I just don’t understand this”   
”Have you noticed any changed with your sister? Mood swings?”  
”Yes…but she just been through a heartbreak…I thought”   
”It’s not your fault, this is rare and if you where not aware of this”   
”She was in a car accident years ago… was that when you found out?” Anya asked.  
”Yes, that’s what caused the accident I’m afraid, you should get some rest…”  
”Anya” She finished his sentence.  
”Anya…we will do everything in our power to make Lexa feel like home”   
”But..” Anya had so many questions but a figure in the hallway caught her attention. ”Thank you Doctor…” She read his name tag. ”Doctor Jaha” and the she rushed away from the spot.

”Where do you think you’re going?” Anya stopped Clarke in the hall.  
”I want to see Lexa” The blonde told her.  
”She’s resting”   
”What did I do?” Clarke was looking so confused and scared as well, Anya sighed.  
”It’s bad Clarke” She admitted - she knew Clarke just wanted the best for her sister as well and it was not fair to blame her. ”She apparently has an fragile heart, whatever that is”   
”Oh my god” Clarke gasped. ”My mom told me about this - she had a rare costumer with the same disease…”  
”And she never fucking told me” Anya was getting teary.  
”Fuck” Clarke swore. ”I think she tried to tell me…”   
”What do you mean?”  
”When we where in New York, she was drunk and we talked in my hotel room. She said she thought something was wrong with her…I just never realized…”  
”She tried to tell me too” Anya finally realized how many times her sister had whined about the feeling of something being wrong.   
”And…she…” Clarke was getting teary as well. ”She asked me to bring you yesterday - and I still did not realize”   
”Lexa is not the best to speak up Clarke - you can’t blame yourself for this”   
”Can I see her?”   
”I’m not sure it’s an good idea”   
”I have too…I know about this, I can - I will talk to my mother… how bad is it”   
”Well Dr.Jaha basically said the best choice is heart surgery”  
”Dr.Jaha - he is the best heart surgery there is and my mom..”  
”What happened to her patient?” Anya interrupted her and Clarke went silent.   
”He didn’t make it” She whispered.  
”This can’t be happening”   
”But he was old, his heart was almost to fragile and it was almost already a lost case. With the best doctors there is - there is still a big chance everything will work out perfectly”  
”And what if it doesn’t?” Anya was feeling herself break but she needed to be strong for her sister.  
”She will have to live a life careful of every step due to this…and that is not living” Clarke sighed.  
”This is to much”   
”Can I please wait here until she wakes up?”   
”I guess I will feel better leaving her with you” Anya finally admitted.  
”Thank you - I don’t want anything bad to happen to her Anya. You must know that”  
”I know…” It was just the moment bringing the two of them into a hug, they both held each other tight.   
”She’s gonna be alright” Anya repeated.   
”She’s gonna be alright” Clarke agreed.

***

Lexa once again woke up in the unfamiliar room, she had no idea what day or what time it was. She did feel a bit more rested and she was actually feeling hungry, her stomach felt empty. Empty, just as her. She adjusted her body and she suddenly heard noise from the other side of the room, she turned her head and saw Clarke staring at her from the corner.   
”Hey” She whispered, she looked tired.  
”Hey” Lexa was quiet as well, it was awkward.   
”How are you feeling?” She asked.   
”I’m okay” That was a lie.   
”You tried to tell me didn’t you?” Clarke walked closer to the bed and sat down at the end of it, still keeping a bit distance.   
”Maybe” Lexa was afraid to look her in the eyes.   
”This was part of the reason right?”   
”What do you mean?”  
”I just spend a lot of time thinking here and it makes sense”   
”What does?”   
”You didn’t want to get your heart broken because of your disease”   
”I don’t want you to feel pity for me Clarke”  
”You should of told me”   
”What difference would it make?” Lexa asked.   
”You wouldn't have gone through this alone…”   
”I can take care of myself” Lexa realized in that moment that she needed to be the strong one, if she was feeling down because of this it would affect her friends and sister more. ”I’ll be fine”   
”I’m sorry…” Clarke sighed.  
”Please don’t just apologize because I’m sick”   
”What do you expect me to do?”   
”Treat me like normal”  
”You know that I care for you Lexa, I could never ignore this”  
”I want you to want me because that’s how you feel, not because…” Lexa could not finish the sentence, it was still to unreal.   
”So you want to be alone in this?” Clarke asked her.   
”Like I said, I can take care of myself”  
”Well apparently you can’t” That was not suppose to slip out of Clarke’s mouth but she was frustrated to why the brunette did not take care of herself.   
”Please leave” Lexa sighed. ”I just want to be alone”   
”Okay” Clarke did not argue, she stood up and stared at Lexa for a second. ”You’re gonna be alright” and the she started walking out the room.  
”Wait” Lexa struggled to raise her voice but the blonde looked back. ”Thank you for…coming here”   
”I’ll be back either you like it or not” and then she walked out, Clarke Griffin was definitely gonna be the death of her. 

***

Clarke put her work to the side, how could she be able to focus when Lexa was in the hospital? She visited her mom, she needed to talk to her - this was driving her crazy.   
”Hun” Her mom greeted her once she walked into her childhood house.   
”Hey mom” Clarke hugged her tight, she missed her. Even if she tried to visit as much as possible she sometimes was to lazy or occupied with other stuff.   
”How is she?” She was talking about Lexa.  
”She does not really talk much - if it was me I would of probably break down and cry and beg for comfort, she’s become so cold”   
”She’s scared and she’s trying to be strong. Sometimes people shut their emotions out to not feel the pain”   
”Sounds like her…” Clarke rolled her eyes.   
”Well, I am going to visit her on Friday and we’re gonna discuss the operation with Dr.Jaha. I honestly feel safe, she will be in good hands”   
”Thank you so much for doing this”  
”Everything for my baby… how is everything between the two of you?” Her mom already knew the whole story.   
”Honestly a mess like always” Clarke sighed. ”We’re both so freaking stubborn”   
”You’re both just idiots who wont admit that you want each other”   
”It’s complicated”  
”Then un-complicate it”   
”It’s not that easy mom”  
”Then make it easy”  
”And you wonder why I am so stubborn, god” There was no point trying to argue with her mother.   
”I’m always right, that’s why” Her mother smiled. ”I prepared lunch, let’s have some food”   
”Oh, I’m starving!” 

***

Clarke was picked up by her mother at her apartment early that Friday, she wanted to be there when she visited Lexa. It was early so the first thing they did was to get some coffee at the hospital, they drank it before the visited Lexa. She loved coffee but was not able to drink it now, or she was not allowed to. Forty minutes later they gently knocked on her door, Dr.Jaha was with them as well.  
”Good morning Lexa” Dr.Jaha greeted her.   
”Miss Woods, I’m Dr.Griffin”   
”Call me Lexa” The brunette gave her a tired smile as they shook hands.   
”You can call me Abby” Her mother smiled back.   
”Am I late?” Anya suddenly stormed into the room.   
”No we just got here” Abby assured her.   
”Hey” Clarke greeted.   
”How are you?” Anya asked her sister.  
”I’m okay” Lexa told her, Clarke could not help but feel the urge to just hug her. She wanted to crawl into that hospital bed and just hold her.   
”Shall we begin?” Dr.Jaha asked.  
”Ehm…Can we do this alone?” Lexa looked at Abby and Jaha.  
”If that’s what you wish” Abby was not convinced.   
”What?” Anya looked at her surprised.   
”Please” Lexa begged her sister.  
”Let’s respect her privacy” Dr.Jaha told Clarke and Anya and with a sigh the both slowly left the room.  
”Why is she like this?” Anya complained.  
”I don’t know…” Clarke was feeling like something bad was gonna happen. 

***

Her mother and Dr.Jaha almost spent an hour inside with Lexa with the door closed, Anya and Clarke tried to listen through the door but that had been pointless. They where both just pacing around, the time had been going so slow. When they finally heart the door crack open they had been sitting on the floor in silence, they jumped to their feet immediately. Clarke could something was wrong by the look on her mothers face.   
”What’s wrong?” Clarke asked her.   
”We tried girls…” Her mother told them and they both looked at her confused.   
”What do you mean?” Anya asked.  
”Miss Woods have decided not to go through with the operation” Dr.Jaha informed them.   
”No fucking way!” Anya swore.   
”We talked her through it but she told us there was no point, she made up her mind”   
”To hell with that!” Clarke was actually starting to fear for Lexa’s life now.  
”We can’t force her”   
”Yes!” Anya said angrily.   
”You can always try to talk to her but I suggest we give her some time now, this conversation was a lot to her and she struggled”   
”Oh my god” Anya was frustrated.   
”Did she say why?” Clarke wondered.  
”She’s scared it’s gonna…” Dr.Jaha started.  
”Kill her…” Clarke felt so bad for her.   
”But?!” Anya was starting to tear up, her mother brought her into her arms.   
”Clarke” Dr.Jaha looked at her. ”Give her rest, then I suggest you talk to her. From what it seems… your opinion matter to her”   
”What do you mean?”   
”She didn’t want you in there because she knew you would fight it”   
”So would her sister”   
”It’s worth a shot. I am here if she changes her mind” 

What the hell was Lexa thinking? Skipping the operation…what the hell has she been thinking about all this week? Every day as Clarke has tried to convince her about how professional and experienced Dr.Jaha and her mother is - in the meantime she was giving up already. Lexa was right, she would fight this - 

she was not ready to loose her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to post last week but I feel like life hit me and I got caught up with it haha! 
> 
> Here with a new chapter, do you think Clarke will be able to convince Lexa? 
> 
> If you ask me they are so freaking messy? I mean who wrote this shit ;) Haha sorry not sorry! 
> 
> Leave a comment and smile bright today! (Don't cringe to much) 
> 
> See ya!


	19. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke visits Lexa at her apartment.

It had been two days since Lexa got back home from the hospital, since she decided to not have the operation she was accepted to leave after her request. She felt a little better, she was rested, she had some more energy and she was happy to be in her own home. They had convinced her not to start working yet - she was gonna relax for a week and get back to the hospital to run some tests. It was honestly a nightmare, she never understood it could become this bad. 

She should have realized though - all the pain she had felt in her chest, it was more than just a heartbreak. Damn, Lexa was scared - she did not want to die - was that so hard for people to understand? The surgery could kill her - it could actually kill her and the thought made her cold and sweaty. She was not giving up on life she wanted to keep living.

It was Wednesday and she was surprised when someone ranged her bell so early in the morning, she put on a robe and went to open the door.  
”Costia?” Lexa asked surprised. ”What are you doing here?”  
”I read about you in the news” Costia was not shy, she walked right into the apartment. ”The legendary Lexa Woods has been in and out of hospital” she tried to sound like a news reporter.  
”So the rumor spread…” Lexa sighed.  
”Yes and also the stupidity of you not having the surgery?” Costia questioned her.  
”None of your business” Lexa told her.   
”You need this, think about everyone that loves you I mean Anya must be devastated and Clarke was freaking out I mean…”  
”You spoke to Clarke?” Lexa interrupted her, she could not help but feel jealous.   
”I ran into her, I thought you where at the hospital and I found her there with her mother”   
”She okay?” Lexa wondered.  
”Of course she’s not, are you even reconsidering this at all?”   
”She has not spoken to me since I confirmed it” Lexa told her.  
”She’s losing her mind Lexa, she scared of losing you. What you are doing is selfish”   
”Don’t you realize I could die on that surgery table?”  
”Clarke has organized the best doctors there is for you and there is a bigger chance that you survive and can live your life normally than the other outcome”   
”What if?”   
”Like what if Clarke breaks your heart? What if you don’t get that deal? What if you stop feeling anything? What if you just leave and run like you always do? What if you actually stay and fight this time?”   
”Why are you even doing this?”  
”Because I feel bad for what I did to you okay? I want you the be happy”   
”Then let me decide this, that makes me happy” Lexa told her.  
”Why are you so scared of everything that actually challenges you?”   
”What are you talking about?”  
”We all know that you can kick ass in every possible way — but when it comes to your own happiness and risking a tiny bit of your heart you shut down - completely”   
”I didn’t with you”   
”And are you gonna waste all your life because something I did years ago - I feel shit if that’s case and maybe that is selfish but come on Lexa. It’s time to let go of the past and move on - show her that you are ready to commit. That you are here for the long run, you need to show Clarke that you actually want this, that you are here to stay”  
”By having the surgery?”   
”That’s the first step”  
”But what if…”  
”What if everything goes perfectly fine?” Costia shut her up. ”Stop questioning everything…you should do this for yourself, heal that heart that got broken - fight for it to get better.” 

***

Clarke was feeling tired, the past week had been a lot - all she could think about was Lexa. It made her realize how much that brunette actually meant to her. Seeing her in the hospital bed so weak made her want just take all this on herself instead so that she did not have to. Lexa was supposed to be the tuff one but she was scared now, Clarke could tell. Even if you would not admit it was written all over her, at least if you knew her. 

Her mother and Dr.Jaha was still trying to convince her to go talking to Lexa, she was going to but she needed to prepare herself. She needed to be convincing because the brunette was stubborn. The thought of losing her was always there, was she even taking care of herself now? Did she eat, did she sleep? Was she working even if she was not allowed to? Was Anya there to watch her? She needed all the answers but she didn’t have them - Clarke just wanted her to be okay.

On Friday she finally had gathered all her courage, she was knocking on Lexa’s door and basically hold her breath until she heard the door open.  
”Hey” she breathed out, Lexa was wearing grey sweat pants and black t-shirt - it was an unusual sight but weirdly attractive.   
”Clarke” Lexa actually gave her a smile, that was surprising.   
”Can I come in?” Clarke asked and Lexa moved and let her in. ”Your place looks nice” Clarke noticed the changes.  
”Had some time over so decided to decorate a bit”   
”Finally” Clarke chuckled a bit, she could not count on how many times she had begged Lexa to but furniture and decorate more in her apartment. It was always that feeling that Lexa could easily pack up and leave again - seeing all these changes made her heart a bit warmer.   
”Want some red wine?” Lexa asked her casually.  
”Are you supposed to drink?”  
”They actually recommended me to” Lexa chuckled - she was a bit tipsy - that explained the more relaxed vibe she had.   
”Alright then, yes please” Lexa went over to the kitchen to grab an extra glass while Clarke was looking around at the changes. New curtains, pillows and blankets for the sofa - flowers, even picture frames of her and Anya. It was finally a bit home friendly - and she had a good sense of style. The apartment looked better than ever.  
”Here you go” Lexa was back with two glasses of red wine.   
”Thank you” Clarke took the glass and tasted it. ”Oh, this reminds me of..”  
”It’s same wine” Lexa smiled at her, they had been eating out a couple of weeks ago and - well they wanted to rush home and have sex so Clarke had hidden a bottle of red wine they bought for dinner under her jacket.  
”You remember?” Clarke took another sip and smiled at the memory.  
”Of course I do” Lexa smiled back it went silent for a while and they both stared at each other awkwardly.   
”I wanted to apologize for what I said at the hospital” Clarke broke the silence.   
”Well I reacted because you’re right Clarke, I have not been taking care of myself”   
”How are you feeling?” She had to ask.  
”Want the truth or the version everyone wish to hear when they ask that question, that I’m okay?”   
”The truth of course” Clarke decided to sit down in the sofa an the brunette followed and sat down next to her. It felt oddly normal, the tension before was almost gone. Something had changed.   
”I’m scared, my thoughts are driving me crazy and I never felt more alone in my entire life” Lexa admitted.   
”You don’t have to be alone in this Lexa”   
”I need to accept that I have people that actually care about me I just…have a hard time believing they do”   
”Why don’t you want to have the surgery?” Clarke asked carefully.  
”I don’t want to die” Lexa’s was speaking lower.  
”I don’t want you to die either, I would never recommend you to go through this surgery if I thought it would kill you. The thought of losing you…that breaks my heart even more”   
”Do you really believe that it’s gonna be okay?”   
”I would be there every step of the way”   
”But what if” Lexa stopped herself and sighed.   
”What?”   
”Costia was coming at me for always asking myself what if and I just caught myself doing it again”   
”You spoke to Costia?” Clarke could not really focus on anything else than that name.  
”She stormed my apartment this week”  
”Why?”   
”I guess the same reason you are, to convince me to have the surgery”   
”No luck I guess?” Clarke asked, still a bit annoyed that Costia had been here before her.  
”Well…” Lexa shrugged.   
”So does that mean me trying to talk you into this is pointless as well?”   
”Your opinion matters more than hers…” Lexa whispered and Clarke could not help but shyly smile at the compliment. ”So I’m gonna trust you with this one”  
”Is that a yes?” Clarke could not help but sound a bit more excited than she intended to.  
”I’ll have the surgery” Lexa smiled at her - the brunette did not seem to be ready about the sudden arms thrown around her. Clarke was acting with her feelings and she realized she had not been this close the brunette in weeks. The sudden happiness was silent as Lexa gently hugged her back, the blonde buried her face in the brunettes neck and took in her sent. They both needed the comfort - being in Lexa’s arms felt safe and Clarke could not help but quietly cry.   
”I know” Lexa whispered as she caressed her back.   
”I’m sorry” Clarke tried to smoothly wipe her tears away but still stay in Lexa’s arms.   
”It’s okay” Lexa breathed as she held on a little tighter. It was one of those hugs that just was the perfect way of explaining as situations words could not. Once they finally broke the space it felt cold again.  
”I’ll do the surgery but…I think that we should maybe take a break from our toxic relationship”  
”What do you mean?” Clarke asked.  
”It’s not fair to any of us to keep hurting each other” Lexa took a deep breath. ”What if we do this as friends? I think we both need to calm down, understand what we want and once we realize… maybe we could…”  
”Try again?” Clarke finished her sentence.   
”I don’t know, I just know that I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”  
”I don’t want to hurt you anymore either”   
”I think we need to slow down, communicate and start building trust for each other again”   
”You just said that you trusted me” Clarke teased.   
”With my life” Lexa stated.   
”The one and only Lexa Woods - actually trusting someone else to make a decision. I will write history with this one” Clarke smiled.   
”Well you’re special aren’t you” Lexa smiled back.   
”This feels nice” Clarke kept smiling.  
”It does, do you want to watch a movie?” Lexa asked.   
”Have you eaten?” Clarke wondered and the silence answered her. ”You really need someone to take care of you” Clarke shook her head.   
”Burgers?” Lexa asked.   
”Yes please, I’m starving”   
”Have you seen that movie new movie with Brad Pitt?” It’s weird how something can snap back to normal in seconds. It’s probably that the habits you have never really disappear - you just try extra hard to avoid them when you can’t. Once you relax you go back to being the true self, not that awkward movements or silences.   
”NO, I wanna see that one - I’m adding extra pickles to your order”   
”Yes, I always forgot” Lexa chuckled.  
”I know and then you steal mine” Clarke smiled as she rolled her eyes.   
”You don’t like them anyway” Lexa told her as she was setting up Netflix on the tv.   
”I do, you always looked so sad when you forgot so I lied and said that I did not like them” Clarke admitted.   
”No way - don’t make me feel bad for stealing your pickles” Lexa laughed this time and it was a sound Clarke had missed because the brunette had the most beautiful smile.   
”It feels good to finally be able to say the truth” Clarke joked.   
”Like when you slept on my arm and I was dying inside but I didn’t want to move because it would wake you up” Lexa just remember how many times Clarke had ask her if she slept alright the day after, if she should move and so in. Lexa never cared because she had just wanted Clarke as close as possible.   
”NO” Clarke hid her face in her hands. ”For real?”   
”I didn’t mind though” Lexa smiled.   
”All the little lies are gonna come out” Clarke chuckled.   
”Well, that’s the good thing about being friends - you can keep your pickles now”   
”Finally!!” Clarke made a fist bump in the air.  
”And I can sleep like a baby”   
”I missed this” Clarke smiled at her.   
”I missed you” Lexa smiled back. ”Let’s watch this movie now so we don’t have to tell all our white lies we apparently had for the smallest things”   
”For example I don’t have to tell you that you fart in your sleep”   
”I DO NOT???” Lexa said offensive.   
”No but it was worth the look in your face” Clarke died of laughter and Lexa threw a pillow at her.  
”Movie starting now!” Lexa laughed as she pressed play. 

Damn.

***

Clarke ended up staying the night, she fell asleep in the sofa an woke up with a blanket over her. It felt strange being at Lexa’s but not sharing the bed with her. She could smell coffee so the brunette must be awake already. She moved herself to the kitchen in the outfit she borrowed from Lexa the night before.  
”Morning” She said with her raspy morning voice.   
”How did you sleep?” Lexa asked as she prepared two cups to fill with coffee.  
”Good and you?”   
”One of the best sleeps I had in weeks” Lexa told her.  
”Glad to hear that” It actually made Clarke smile - she could not help to think that she had to be the reason.  
”But we should talk Clarke”   
”I know”  
”Last night was fun but that was us ignoring the fact that…”  
”We are really not okay” Clarke finished her sentence.  
”Yeah” Lexa put the cups - now filled with coffee and milk - on the kitchen table and sat down in front of Clarke. ”You where really mad that night” Lexa said meaning they day she passed out at Anya’s.   
”I know…It was not fair what I said Lexa. I was mad and hurt and I said some pretty shitty things to you”  
”Why did you get so mad?” Lexa wondered, it was nice to finally have a conversation with no screaming involved. It was quiet for a while, seemed like Clarke was thinking.  
”The thought of you being with someone else” She finally whispered.  
”What do you mean?”  
”When everyone was cheering that you get laid a lot - and after everything we been through I guess it was just the last drop - especially when you just had confessed your love to me and then you laughed and…” Clarke stopped herself. ”This is really childish…Shit”   
”I think it was the building up to that moment, you know that I have only been with you since Sara…” It was silence again. ”You know that right?” Lexa repeated herself.  
”I was not sure” Clarke admitted.   
”I know I wanted us to stay casual but that was never because I wanted to fuck other people”  
”You can’t blame me for having trust issues”   
”That is my fault and I realized that I really screwed with your emotions and for that I am sorry Clarke, how could I make you believe me when I could not believe you when you said that you wanted me”   
”I don’t know if we’re good for each other”   
”I really wanted you to hear me I did… but when all this happened - I spent a lot of time thinking at the hospital, we could never start anything right now. We hurt each other to much.” Lexa sighed.   
”Yesterday felt normal” Clarke told her.  
”Yesterday we ignored all our issues”  
”So what are we gonna do?”  
”Take our time - lets skip all the screaming and lets start being honest with each other. Like I said - we stay friends. I need someone if I’m gonna go trough with this operation and honestly I can’t handle the stress of that right now”   
”So friends?” Clarke smiled. She just wanted to stay in the brunettes life even if she knew deep down that they where never just friends and that it does not work like this.  
”Friends” Lexa smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG TIME NO SEE?!
> 
> Sorry about the wait - been moving and had some troubles getting wifi! All good now though! 
> 
> Hopefully you like this chapter!  
> Let me know what you think - missed your amazing thoughts! 
> 
> Always much love to all of you!


	20. The studio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 months later...

”How are you feeling?” Clarke asked as she watched Lexa once again back in a hospital room.  
”I don’t know” Lexa sighed, Clarke could see that she was nervous - the brunette was trying to control her breathing and was unsure where to look.  
”You need to change” Clarke handed her the hospital wear and she grabbed them. The blonde was not prepared for her to start changing in front of her, Lexa was standing with her bare back in front of her. ”I can go out” Clarke awkwardly said.  
”Nothing you have not seen before” Lexa chuckled, and the sound was a relief to hear. She was not wrong but it felt weird to stare, Clarke tried to focus her eyes on something else but they kept going back to the naked skin. Lexa’s body was beautiful, how could she not? Somehow it felt like Lexa was dragging it out as well, teasing her. That was not really friendly was it? ”How do I look?” Lexa finally was done and turned around.   
”Comfy” Clarke smiled at her and Lexa smiled back. ”Are you ready?”  
”No” Lexa breathed out and Clarke reached our her hand, the brunette grabbed it and their fingers lingered perfectly.  
”I’ll be here every step of the way”   
”Let’s do this” 

***  
6 MONTHS LATER

***

”Hey Clarke” Raven walked into the studio. ”You need to get some fresh air, it’s an amazing day”  
”I’m working”  
”That’s all you do” Raven walked around in the studio and studied all the paintings. ”These are amazing Clarke”   
”Nah…”  
”Stop being so damn hard on yourself” Raven sighed. ”What are you working on now?” Clarke moved back so that the Latina could have a better view.   
”I can’t seem to do her justice” Clarke sighed.   
”It’s beautiful Clarke, she would love it” Raven looked amazed.   
”I want it to be perfect” Clarke finally dropped the pencil on the table next to her and walked over to the fridge to get some water.  
”Clarke you can’t beat yourself forever for what happened”  
”I was the one who convinced her…”  
”Everyone did, no one could off seen that coming”   
”She trusted me”   
”It’s not your fault Clarke… I know that you miss her but you can’t bury yourself in this studio and stop living your life”   
”I just want this project to perfect”   
”This is the most outstanding canvas I have seen you make”  
”Thank you…” Clarke sighed, she was to hard on herself she knew that.   
”Listen I was talking to Octavia, how about we get way for a weekend?”  
”Where?” Clarke wondered.  
”Maybe your moms summer place, you love it there and you need a change of environment. Just the three of us, what do you say?”  
”That actually sounds nice…but”  
”No, I don’t want to hear that you have to work because you don’t. You have enough painting you just keep making new ones”  
”It’s my job”  
”It’s not your job to hide in here and be sad and depressed”   
”Mean”   
”Honest”   
”Fine”  
”Good”  
”So when are we going?”  
”This weekend?” Raven asked.  
”Okay” Clarke agreed.

***

6 MONTHS BEFORE

***

”What’s happenings?” Clarke asked in panic.   
”You need to leave” Her mother said firmly. ”CLARKE” she raised her voice when the blonde didn’t move.  
”Her heart is not beating?” Clarke whispered. ”LEXA?!” she was suddenly screaming.  
”Get her out of here” Her mother said.   
”HELP HER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Clarke screamed she didn’t realize that people where rushing in the room. Suddenly she felt something drag her and she struggled to stay. ”LET GO OF ME, I PROMISED TO STAY” She was crying.  
”Clarke, you need to leave in order for us to be able to save her”  
”No…no…NO! You have to!” Clarke cried. Her mother made a sign to someone behind her and her feet moved from the ground as she was being carried out of the surgery room. Her mother had said she could be there, why are she not letting her stay? What is wrong? Lexa…

***

6 MONTHS LATER

***

The house was looking beautiful as always, the fresh air actually felt nice. Clarke breathed it in, she studied the quiet lake and the green grass - the trees and the incredible flowers growing.   
”Nice huh?” Octavia told her.  
”I forgot how much I like it here”  
”It was your mom who suggested it”  
”Of course it was” Anytime when she was upset or sad when she was younger her mother used to drive here and suddenly she felt more at piece. It was something about the nature and the atmosphere. 

The unpacked the car and helped each other carry the stuff into the house, they didn’t bring much since they where only staying Friday till Sunday. The smell in the wooden kitchen remember Clarke of her childhood, it also remember her when she drove here herself here and Niyhla visited. The time she realized her and Finn was over because she was in love with Lexa. The though of her hurt.  
”You okay?” Raven asked and Octavia looked up as well.  
”Just remember something” Clarke admitted.   
”Lexa?” Octavia carefully asked and Clarke nodded.  
”It won’t hurt forever”   
”It feels like it…”  
”She right” Octavia agreed. ”You’re not gonna be sad forever, at one point the memories wont hurt - and they will make you happy again”   
”How?” Clarke asked.  
”Once you stop beating yourself up for this”  
”I am okay, can’t you just let me feel what I’m feeling?”  
”Do you think Lexa would like the idea of you hurting like this?”  
”She will never know, so why does that matter?”  
”Just saying, she wants you to be happy Clarke”   
”Can we please talk about something else?”  
”Yeah…but someday you need to talk to us so we can understand what’s going on in that cute head of yours” Raven told her.  
”We are here for you, always Clarke” Octavia said.  
”I know”

Clarke knew she was being a bit hard on her friend but they didn’t understand her, no one did. Everyone was trying to tell her how to feel and she was not having it. If she wanted to grief by making art and express her emotions with art - then they should let her.

Sure - maybe she has isolated herself. She didn’t want to be around people, she didn’t feel like going out, party or just grab a coffee. She wanted to get her paintings done, that was her focus and the only thing keeping her sane at the moment. What happened really screwed with her and she was holding on the best she could because the truth was she was breaking inside. 

Every day was a fight, just waking up in the morning - the first thing she thought of was flashbacks from the hospital. The chaos. The crying. The screaming. 

How scared she was.

How could someone move on from that? If she didn’t go straight to her studio her mind would directly wonder to Lexa. Her words echoed still in her mind like it was yesterday - just before the surgery. 

”Thank you for conniving me to do this, I really do trust you Clarke”  
”You have nothing to worry about”

Clarke had promised her nothing would go wrong, that she had nothing to worry about. Lexa trusted her, she was finally starting to let her in. Lexa was trusting Clarke with her heart…

”Clarke?” Octavia work her up from her thoughts.  
”Yeah?”   
”I just asked, are you hungry?”  
”Yes, food!” Clarke was not hungry but she had to focus on something else.   
”Good I am starving” Raven cheered.   
”I was thinking pasta today and we can grill tomorrow? It’s a bit easer and I guess we are all a bit tired from the trip?” Octavia asked.  
”Sounds good to me” Clarke agreed.  
”I just want something to eat, I don’t care”  
”You never care” Clarke joked.  
”There she is!” Raven laughed.  
”Okay, I think we all deserve a glass of wine!” Octavia went to bring some glasses.   
”You know I love you right?” Raven said as Octavia left the room.  
”You know I love you too!”  
”And as your best friend that you could never hate”  
”What” Clarke knew something was up.  
”Anya wants to see you…I know you’re not seeing anyone at the moment but she begged me to ask you… so I’m trying.”   
”Anya…?” Clarke swallowed nervously.   
”Yeah.. I don’t know why but she asked me this morning.”  
”I don’t know…”   
”It’s about Lexa” Raven almost whispered.  
”What about her?”   
”She wanted to talk to you first”   
”I haven’t talked to her since…”  
”I know”  
”Maybe”  
”Fair enough”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey...
> 
> Back again with a new chapter... I am curios to see your thoughts! 
> 
> Much love, always.


	21. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks and regrets.

***

6 MONTHS AGO

***

”Mom” Clarke was jumping out of the chair she spent the last hours in.   
”Clarke…” Her mother wrapped her arms around her.  
”Can I see her?” Clarke felt like a child again seeking her mothers comfort.  
”She’s…”  
”What?”  
”She’s not here”   
”What do you mean?”   
”We got her stable, but it’s critical - they are flying her to New York”  
”NEW YORK?!”   
”Dr.Wingston is an specialist I reached out and he instructed me”  
”She’s stable?”   
”For now…” Her mother could not lie.  
”What happened?”   
”We could not have seen this coming Clarke, her heart was a bit more fragile than we expected”   
”She’s gonna be okay right?”   
”I don’t know sweetie, she’s a strong girl”  
”I wan’t to fly to New York”   
”Let me see what I can do” Her mother stopped hugging her and reached for her phone. ”Give we a moment” 

The moment felt like forever and when her mom came back she looked at her with ensuring eyes. ”You can fly with me and Dr.Jaha - but it’s a 2 day trip and then we have to get back again”   
”I promised I would stay with her”  
”Lets go then” 

***

They took a helicopter to New York - if it wouldn’t have been under the circumstances Clarke would have been thrilled over the amazing views. Enjoying the ride was not really in her mindset, she usually would have taken it all in as inspiration, everything was dark now.  
”Dr.Wingston is an expert, Lexa is in good hands hun” Her mother whispered through the helicopter headphones. Clarke didn’t answer, she kept staring blankly out the window. 

They landed on the hospital roof, it was once again a pretty cool experience landing between the skylines. Clarke focus was somewhere else and she rushed to get inside, her mother had been here before a lot of times. She was one well talked doctor as well - she admired her mother for that.   
”This way” Abby informed them and they all followed her and stopped at a reception.   
”Dr.Griffin, flying in from Dr.Wingston case with instructions” Her mother talked to the nurse while Clarke tried to look around. ”Okay, lets go” Once again they walked behind her mother.  
”Clarke” She turned around outside a big door. ”I’m sorry but you can’t come further than this, I will come as soon as I have updates - but I will also assist Dr.Wingston further so I don’t know how long it will take”  
”Just save her mom” Clarke begged and her mother just nodded and disappeared through the door with Dr.Jaha. 

***

Time is a funny thing - not really funny but it can trick your mind in so many ways. As a child - you don’t really understand time. Time goes slow but not in the bad way, the only thing as a kid Clarke remember how christmas was so far away each other. It felt like a life time but then suddenly her mother was decorating the house or baking her favorite cupcakes. It was a weird feeling the first time she asked her mom ”Wasn’t christmas recently?”, ”Well, it was a year ago sweetie, that’s a pretty long time if you ask me”. Clarke never understood at the time but as she was growing older she realized how it connected. Suddenly the years flew by and you wish you could just slow it down.

Then there is those moments as growing up when 5 hours can feel like 5 minutes, like spending an afternoon with Lexa - suddenly it was late and Clarke wish she could re-wind the time so it would not have to end. In other scenarios - as sitting at an hospital having no idea what’s going on - 1 minute feels like 1 hour. It was painful and nerve wrecking. 

Clarke lost track of time when her mother FINALLY walked through the door looking exhausted.   
”Mom”   
”She’s stable baby” at the word Clarke finally broke down in tears, her mother was quick to comfort her. ”She’s okay baby”   
”Thank you” Clarke cried out.  
”You should thank Dr. Wingston… without him I don’t think she would of survived”  
”I love you”   
”I love you too” for a moment they stood there, Clarke cried and her mother hugged her hushing her. 

***

Clarke could not see Lexa until the next day - she was honestly nervous to see her. They had to keep Lexa there for a while to monitor her heart and make sure everything was fine. So far everything seem okay though. She knocked before she opened the door, the brunette looked at her the blonde was surprised for the smile on her face.  
”I survived” Lexa smiled at her even if she looked extremely groggy, Clarke could not help but rush to the bed and wrap her arms around her.   
”I’m so sorry” Clarke was lying next to her in the bed, she tried to be careful even if she wanted to held on as tight as she could.  
”Why are you sorry?” Lexa was confused.  
”I didn’t know…that…and they flew you…and I was so scared…and I…”  
”Hey” Lexa stroke her fingers through Clarke’s hair. ”Slow down”  
”I thought I was gonna loose you”   
”Well you didn’t” Lexa told her.  
”Almost…”  
They didn’t have much more time than that before the doctors stormed in once again to have a check now that Lexa was awake. Clarke had to get out of the bed and was asked to leave - she hated how they forced her to leave Lexa all the time. Outside she was met by Anya.

”How could you let this happen?” Anya screamed at her.  
”I had no -”  
”She almost DIED Clarke?!” She was mad, understandable considering she almost lost her sister.  
”You wanted her to have the surgery as well”  
”You told me it was safe”  
”We where informed by the risks”   
”She’s in good hands - thats what YOU said, for fuck sakes I almost lost her”  
”Do you really think I thought this could happen?” Clarke voice was breaking, did Anya really blame her for this?  
”She didn’t want it - you convinced her”  
”I -” Clarke was lost for words.  
”You have done nothing but break her - do us a favor and stay away from her”   
***

4 months ago

***

”Hey” Clarke finally picked up the phone.  
”Hello stranger” it was nice to hear Lexa’s voice.  
”I’m sorry, just been working a lot lately”  
”I’m the workaholic here” Lexa joked.   
”How’s New York?” Clarke changed the subject.  
”Lonely, but this deal is going pretty damn smooth” Lexa sounded proud and it made Clarke happy. She remember how she had left the hospital after Anya’s hurtful words. Lexa had had called and texted her a lot and it really was painful to no answer. Maybe Anya was right? She had hurt Lexa - she convinced her to have the surgery that almost killed her. It was a terrible feeling even though she knew Lexa had hurt her as well - this was somehow different, she didn’t almost die. Once she finally got back to the brunette, she realized she could not ignore her forever Lexa had told her about a job opportunity in New York. It was closer to Dr.Wingston and a calm start for Lexa to get back to work. She had ask Clarke if it was okay, she had to move the blondes project. It was a great way to stay away from Lexa without having to say it out loud so Clarke agreed even if she didn’t want to drag the project. Her teacher had not been happy when she told her but had agreed that due to the circumstances with Lexa that it was okay.   
”Glad to hear” Clarke told her.  
”I miss you Clarke” Lexa sighed through the phone. ”Did I do something wrong? I have a feeling that you’re avoiding me?”   
”I’m sorry” Clarke was apologizing a lot lately. ”I’ll be better to keep in touch” 

***

She never got better, weeks passed when she was avoiding both Lexa and Anya - and avoiding Anya meant that she had to stay away from Raven a lot as well. It was really eating her alive - she felt like she disappointed everyone - but in the end she just wanted to help. Clarke had to be stronger one, she just wanted everyone to be safe and happy.

***

6 months later

***

Clarke carefully knocked on Anya’s and Ravens apartment, she was nervous and anxious for this. She was also curios on what Anya had to say - they hadn’t spoken at since the hospital - she never told anyone about what happened either. The door opened and Lexa’s sister was looking at her with nervous eyes as well.  
”Hey” she moved so that Clarke could get in.  
”Hey” Clarke walked in to the apartment and decided to sit down in the kitchen.   
”Thirsty?” Anya asked, Raven didn’t seem to be here.  
”Coca cola?” She asked and Anya got two bottles out of the fridge.   
”Listen…” Anya sighed. ”I feel like an complete asshole, a jerk and an idiot”   
”Why” It was a stupid question.  
”Raven said you had been down lately… and I -” She seem to struggle to find the words to say. ”What I said at the hospital - I was scared and I took it out on you”   
”I deserved it”  
”No Clarke - I know you would never do anything on purpose to hurt Lexa - I fucked up and I have been to proud to apologize, I never realized how much I hurt you”   
”It’s pretty shitty to blame something like this on someone else…”   
”It is, I’m not proud of it - and I know I have been hurting Lexa by this as well. She keeps wondering why you never get back to you - what she did wrong and… I told her what I did”  
”You did what?” Clarke asked surprised.   
”I need to make up for this somehow - I mean she got pissed at me, I understand that…”  
”So you’re saying you’re sorry because she’s mad?”   
”I’m sorry because what I did was fucking wrong and I didn’t know… you where hurting as much as you did. I haven't seen you in forever and when Raven told me the other day I finally realized it was because of me…”   
”It was also because I made her have the surgery she didn’t want”   
”I should thank you Clarke - my sister is healthy and I don’t need to go around and worry about her.”   
”That is true”   
”I know you might not forgive me…but I am sorry. Honestly, I always liked you Clarke - and I know you have been nothing but good to my sister. She’s all I have and I panicked…it was wrong to blame you”  
”Well…thank you”   
”Have Lexa called you?”   
”No…”   
”Just… I know you miss her and she misses you. Don’t stop yourself from seeing her because of me.”   
”I still feel bad about it”   
”You saved her Clarke - you have to stop blaming yourself and start take some credit. I should have told you this weeks ago”   
”I was so scared…” Clarke admitted.  
”I know and instead of being there for each other I pushed you away”   
”I guess you have that in common” It was a bad joke but somehow it eased the tension a bit as Anya smiled.  
”We’re working on it”  
”I haven’ talked to her in week…”   
”I don’t know how I can ever make up for this… but I want to try if you’re willing to - I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me”   
”It’s just a lot to take in” Clarke breathed. She wished she would have told her this earlier, maybe it hurt more because she already was blaming herself so much. It was just a complicated situation like always and she had fallen into a deep hole with her emotions. Perhaps she knew that this wasn't her fault, maybe she knew Anya had just been speaking by fear - still she grabbed everyones pain and stayed silent. 

With everything that had happened with Lexa - did she maybe take the easier way to ignore her so that she didn't had to face the mess they left behind. It had been a roller coaster all year - ever since her breakup with Finn. She had gone through an emotional mess and this had been the last drop, it had just broken her. It was time to start getting her shit together because honestly she had been hiding from her emotions. It was easier to feel nothing than everything.

New text message from Lexa. 

Meet me at the park outside my favorite cafe tomorrow at 16:00. I don’t take no for answer, we need to talk.

Clarke stared at the message.

”She’s coming home” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUUUYS, did you really think I would kill Lexa????? 
> 
> I'm sorry I scared so many of you - but I would never!
> 
> Hopefully you like this chapter knowing she's very much alive and ready to go after her girl.
> 
> Have a lovely day/evening/night! :')


	22. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa comes back but is she there to stay?

Clarke nervously parked the car, she turned it off an sighed. Slowly breathing and closed eyes - she was gonna see Lexa for the first time in forever. She took off her seatbelt and looked around, her eyes immediately spotted the brunette leaning on her motorcycle, she almost forgot she had that thing. Her hair must have gotten a bit longer, did she dye it? Looked a bit brighter but oh so beautiful. She was wearing light blue ripped jeans, a white top and the leather jacked she loved, Lexa looked so fucking good.

Clarke got out of the car and the brunette reacted direct by walking towards her, it didn’t take long for them to reach each in a hug. Lexa was holding her tight and Clarke held her tighter, damn it was a craving hug and it felt empty once the brunette let go.  
”You are a fucking ass hole Clarke” Lexa sounded mad.  
”Wh-what?” Clarke looked at her confused. ”Are you mad at me?”   
”Of course I’m mad at you?” She questioned her. ”What happened to start being honest with each other? Communication? Trust? You just ghosted me for six months!”   
”We talked…” Clarke knew it was vague.  
”What happened to, I will be here, I wont go anywhere? I trusted you Clarke”  
”Fuck…” Clarke realized that she had left her when Lexa probably needed her the most because of something so stupid. She thought she was making the brunette a favor by staying away but that was the opposite.   
”I am the screw up with emotions, what Anya said was so fucking shitty and I’m sorry. I just wished you would have talked to me - I have tried so fucking much, getting out of my comfort zone… I also admired how open and honest you where and then you do this?”   
”I thought you would be better off without me”   
”Don’t you think that is up to me?” Lexa seemed so irritated and frustrated. ”I’m so fucking annoyed with you”   
”I’m sorry…I just felt like I let you down”   
”YOU SAVED MY LIFE?” Lexa raised her voice. ”Without you I would have been dead? Without you I wouldn’t had your mother - and her connections to Dr.Wingston?! You have done nothing but help where in this do you see how it’s your fault?! Fuck… Clarke I would have been dead without you…” Lexa dragged her fingers through her hair as she did when she was mad.   
”I…” Clarke was lost for words. ”You’re right”   
”That’s all you have to say?”   
”I blamed myself for what happened yes, did Anya put gasoline on it? Yes she did. Was I in the wrong to take distance? Probably. I fucked up, I didn’t think straight and after everything we been through maybe I believed that it was better with some space. I was thinking I did you a favor”  
”I freaking needed you.” Lexa sighed. ”Like this is the one of the biggest things I have ever gone through…and for you to leave me at that point, how can I trust that you won’t do it again?”   
”I don’t know…” Clarke just felt stupid at the moment and out of words, it was like Lexa snapped her back to reality and she was pressing on all her weak spots at the moment.  
”And the worst part is I am so mad at you but I still am so happy to see you”   
”You are the only thing that has been on my mind” Clarke admitted.  
”Still you didn’t do anything about it - I…” Lexa sighed. ”I just don’t know how we can move on from this?”   
”We both made mistakes”  
”I have done nothing but to prove myself to you Clarke”   
”I know, shit okay I know Lexa” Clarke realized she had to step up. ”I fucked up BIG this time - but I still kept in contact with you. I suffered from this as well? Don’t you think it was the most painful thing to leave that hospital? Knowing Anya blamed me for what happened AND then to stay away from you - she didn’t let me see you. I wanted to but she forced me to leave and fuck I was already at a low point.” She took a deep breath. ”I know I should have told you and that I can’t blame Anya for this - I listened and yes I stayed away from you… but I never wanted to hurt you Lexa, that’s the last thing I want to do”   
”Why do we keep hurting each other?” Lexa wondered.  
”It shouldn’t be this hard…”   
”I’m moving back Clarke but until you realize what you want - please let’s keep this on a friendly level. I am tired of running after you, we will start up your project again and we start there”  
”What does that mean?”   
”That I know what I want - and I have known for quite a while but now is not the time.”  
”I really screwed up…” Clarke breathed. ”I’m glad your coming back though and I understand that you don’t want me at the moment”  
”it’s about you, you have to realize what you want and stop fucking with my emotions if this is not what you want - that’s what I’m saying.”   
”You know that I love you”   
”You have a weird way of showing it” Lexa was really pissed about this, Clarke could tell about her attitude - this was nothing she could fix over a day. She had let her down.   
”Can we still be friends?” Sounded so pathetic.   
”We are - just because I’m mad it doesn’t mean your gone in my life. Fuck it Clarke we’re gonna work together - all I’m saying is I can’t deal with our bullshit at the moment”   
”Okay”  
”Good”   
”Good”  
”So let’s go eat, I’m craving my favorite food. You’re buying.” Lexa stated and Clarke was surprised that she wanted to hang out. ”Come on blondie”   
”I guess it’s the least I can do” Clarke shrugged and followed the brunette. 

***

”It’s been ages since we where all together” Octavia said happily.  
”Let’s have a toast for Lexa being back” Anya cheered.  
”Thank you guys” Lexa smiled to all of the friends sitting around the table at their favorite restaurant.   
”Cheers!” Clarke smiled.   
”So what happened while I was gone?” Lexa asked.  
”You didn’t miss much honestly” Raven told her. ”We missed you though!”  
”We did” Clarke agreed.  
”Would be nice to actually know when a person misses you” Lexa looked around the table but ended with Clarke.  
”Come on” Anya poke her sister. ”Let’s have a good time tonight”  
”I’m just saying” Lexa rolled her eyes.   
”Okey. I’m going to the bar” Clarke stood up, she needed a little break to stay calm. She walked over, the was a few people waiting to be served.   
”Are you mad?” Lexa approached her, she grabbed Clarke’s hand and directed her out of the crowded area for some privacy.   
”No” Clarke told her.   
”I’m sorry I should have not said that…you just…” Lexa seemed frustrated.   
”I’m what?” Clarke questioned her.  
”You’re wearing the dress” Clarke knew immediately what she meant - and maybe she on purpose choose Lexa’s favorite dress - the tight dress that made her ass look bigger and her boobs amazing.   
”It’s just a dress Lexa” Clarke lied. ”And you’re not the one to talk”   
”What do you mean?”  
”When we first met, you where wearing the leather jacket that you know I fancy” Clarke stepped closer and whispered so only Lexa could hear. ”I forced you to keep it on once, remember?”   
”Clarke” Lexa breathed out as she automatically leaned a hand on the blondes waist as she was so close to her.   
”You are angry with me - but you still flirt every time you get the chance” Clarke locked eyes with green, they where super close now. She had to focus on the green to not glare at the lips.  
”I’m the flirt?” Lexa scoffed.   
”Yeah”  
”If you wouldn’t go around and tease me all the time…”  
”Okay”  
”Okay what?”   
”I’ll stop” the tension was real.   
”Good”  
”Good”  
”Fine”  
”And you?” Clarke asked.  
”I’ll stop”   
”Good”  
”Now please move before I press you against that wall over there and kiss like you never been kissed before” Lexa didn’t move a muscle. ”Clarke”  
”Fuck” Clarke breathed - she tried to move but her body didn’t let her - all she could think of was Lexa’s damn lips. With all her strange she pulled away and took a step back, she turned around and didn’t look back - she needed to buy shots. 

***

Lexa found herself avoiding Clarke, she didn’t really attend too but if she knew she was gonna be around she sort of bailed in the last minute. She never visited her studio anymore and booked as few meetings as possible. Only if it was extremely important.

She knew why, after the get together dinner with all of her friends she realized she could not control herself around her. It was never meant to end like this - but after everything that happened they should not be together. At least not now, they needed time and if they throw into this again it will just end in chaos again. 

It sucked. It was hurtful and she missed her everyday. After a short taste of having Clarke in her life for the first week back. Texting her, catching up - hearing her laugh - it was so easy to just fall back and forget all the shit that happened. But truth to be told neither of them was ready for this.

Sure if she never had met Clarke she would probably be drunk somewhere waking up in someone else’s bed. Stuck in a room filled with fake friend and still not have any clue what love really was. Clarke showed her what love was really all about, even if they had to struggle a lot she was still grateful for everything. 

If she never had met Clarke again - she would still be miserable and lonely. 

She pulled her all together and Lexa grew a lot - she surely did. Maybe thing would have been different if she had the same mindset as now. She wouldn't have been insecure or scared - but you can’t turn back time.

”I almost forgot you showed me this place” Clarke broke the silent and Lexa turned around.  
”It was a long time ago” Lexa smiled.   
”It was a lot easier to get her by bike”   
”It’s still worth it” Lexa moved so Clarke could sit next to her. It was insane it was almost a year ago Lexa took Clarke to her favorite place in this town. She had only been back a day before she forced Clarke to hang out with her.  
”The view is breathtaking”   
”I wish I could just rewind and take us back to that day”  
”I was still with Finn back then”   
”Well without him and where we are today”  
”That’s a lot off wish thinking Lexa…” Clarke looked at her.   
”I know…” Lexa sighed. ”We need to talk”  
”I figured, you sounded serious on the phone - and I can see you didn't plan me a romantic dinner”  
”That would have been a winner, damn it” Lexa chuckled but the laughter died quickly.   
”Talk to me”  
”Let me start this by saying that…I love you Clarke Griffin and you saved my life literally. You taught me so much this year and…”  
”I love you too Lexa” Clarke interrupted her.   
”I know…” Lexa took a deep breath, she never really cried but this was one of the hardest things she probably ever had to do. ”I been thinking… a lot lately. You and me are not good for each other…”  
”We can do this Lexa”   
”Just hear me darling” The nickname slipped out so naturally. ”I know that deep down you will understand where I am coming from - I don’t want to do this but I know it’s the right thing.”   
”What are you saying?”  
”If we jump into this we wont make it long and I don’t want us to break the way we did - none of us deserve how we hurt each other.”   
”What if you’re wrong? What if we will make it this time?”   
”Clarke…” Lexa took another deep breath and grabbed Clarke’s hand. ”Look at me” Green locked eyes with blue teary eyes. ”I am gonna go back to New York”  
”No..” Clarke sobbed.  
”I am not saying that I do not love you anymore, I am saying that we need time to heal”   
”We.. we can…we can do this” Clarke cried.   
”Come here” Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde and comforted her. ”I think this is the best for us, this will give us a chance.”   
”You’re gonna forget me” Clarke held tighter, like she was scared Lexa would disappear at the spot.  
”How could I ever forget you Clarke Griffin, you’re the love of my life” Lexa said that with so much confident.   
”Do you really think this is for the best?”   
”You will rock your art project, for now you wont need me present. I will of course come at the premier and then your career will take of. You can focus on your carrier and on yourself - you need to love yourself before you can truly love someone else”  
”Someone got wise” Clarke smiled into the hug, it was bittersweet.   
”And that is because of you my heart”   
”You really think I don’t love myself?” Clarke wondered.  
”I think that on the way you may have lost some parts of yourself, to be fair you have not been alone since high school.”   
”That’s true… Raven used to talk about how great it is to be single”   
”Well just to be clear I am not telling you to go fuck around” Lexa winked at her and Clarke let out a small laugh at the joke.   
”I’m gonna miss you…” she sighed.   
”We can still keep in touch silly” Lexa tickled her to the side.   
”Stop it” Clarke laughed.   
”So are we on the same page?” Lexa asked once they settled from the laughter.   
”I sure hope you’re right Lexa”   
”Let’s watch this amazing sunset together and let’s forget about this for a second” She suggested and turned to the view.   
”Hey” Clarke gently touched Lexa’s cheek and pulled her back, she leaned in closer until their lips gently played against each other. ”I just needed to keep it as a memory” Clarke said shyly as their lips parted.   
”Come here” Lexa kissed her forehead and put her arm around her so Clarke could rest her head on Lexa’s shoulder. They stayed like that for hours, it was like none of them wanted to go home because it meant it was really over.

But unfortunately the sun always rise as well…

***

3 years later. 

Clarke studied the mark on the stone, it was childish of them but she was so glad that they did. Her finger followed the C the + and the L inside of the ugly heart. She still came back here every now and then. It’s always easy to say that you will keep in touch but how often did that really work? In the beginning they both really tried - but with work and for Clarke’s career to blow up it was hard. Especially as they both traveled a lot and the different time zones, honestly she didn't knew where Lexa where today. 

Going here felt like she still had a part of Lexa with her, like she was right there with her. Maybe it was silly but maybe she deep down wished that Lexa would be here one day…Clarke sighed as her phone broke the silence.   
”Hey I can’t talk right now” Clarke said.  
”Hey, alright - just went by the studio to see you” Bellamy said through the phone.   
”I’m not there, I see you later okay?” Clarke hang up and turned her phone off, she wanted to enjoy this moment now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Sorry about the wait again! :( But I am here with a new update and I tried to make it a bit longer! 
> 
> So what are your thoughts? Do you think Lexa made the right choice? Are you excited about the time travel? ;) 
> 
> Let me know, I love to read your interesting opinions!  
> Much love as always and remember that you're beautiful and amazing! 
> 
> Have an awesome week!


	23. The Gallery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa founds out about Clarke's gallery.

”Hey Miss Woods, I think you really want to see this” Alice knocked on the door, she was the most amazing assistance and Lexa had offered her a raise to follow her to New York. She was loyal and had the best work ethic. ”Come in” Lexa yelled back and Alice walked in and handed over a magazine to her. ”First page” she smiled. Lexa took it and saw a big picture of Clarke covering the first page, she had not been ready for that. She took a second to control her breathing, she needed to be alone. ”Thank you, I need a second” Lexa told her and Alice nodded and disappeared.

**CLARKE GRIFFIN**

_"The artist who left us all speechless with her incredible talent and story telling trough art. ”I must say, I was a bit skeptic when I first heard of Clarke Griffin. The name sounded familiar but I didn’t know why. I was curious and I looked her up to find out she had been under no one else than Lexa Woods wings for the past years. Miss Woods who is one of the best there is in the game I had to see this gallery everyone was talking about and I must say I was not disappointed. Griffin surprised me with art I never seen before, every painting was filled with emotion and as I walked through the gallery… even the walls was painted it was all connected and was telling a story. I don’t want to spoil all the good parts since I recommend you all go visit Clarke Griffin’s gallery, a bit mainstream to name it after herself but everything else lift it up. The last canvas will leave you with so many questions and you want to look for more answers, you want more of Griffin._

_Lexa Woods never disappoints, she always found the most unique and talented people. Clarke Griffin is a game changer - and you should all see her story expressed by art”_

 

Lexa finished the review, she was tearing up with proud. Clarke did it! Wow. She hadn’t really had the time to follow her lately, she usually kept track. How could she miss that Clarke had her premier - she had missed a lot and she felt bad for not knowing about this.

It’s weird how things change so quickly. Once Lexa left 3 years ago after a heartbreaking goodbye to not just Clarke but all of her friends they still left on good terms. They all stayed in touch, face time, texts, photos and calls but you know how it is. Eventually it’s hard to find time, ”I can call later” one missed call leads to another missed call for both ways. Anya and Raven had visited her a few times but Anya is her sister, that is different. Octavia and Lincoln had their first child together and that made them busy, she didn’t blame them. She felt bad that she had only seen pictures of the now 1 year old Indra. She was adorable and looked like a mini Octavia with Lincoln’s eyes.

Clarke…in the beginning they talked everyday. It all started with one ”Can I call you tomorrow instead?” to two days…weeks and then months. She was busy and Lexa was busy. Last time she heard of Clarke was actually a few weeks ago, it was in the middle of the night around 3:am.

”Clarke are you okay?” Lexa answered the phone worried.

”Do you think I am?” Clarke slurred, she was drunk.

”Where are you?” Lexa asked.

”I thought you where coming back” Clarke ignored the question.

”I know, we talked about this. I need to close some clients here in New York and then I can come back”

”That was two years ago” Clarke scoffed. ”I can’t wait for you forever”

”I know Clarke. I can’t ask you to wait for me, that would be selfish”

”But how come I want you too?” It sounded like Clarke was crying and Lexa realize that she had to set the blonde free. Even if she wanted to come back to the blonde she didn’t know when that was.

”It’s okay to let me go” Lexa breathed. She didn’t want to say it, it got to silent. ”Clarke? Hello”

The blonde had hang up.

Lexa hadn’t heard anything from her after that drunk call and she stopped looking at her social media because it hurt to much to see the blondes face.

However, she didn’t want to miss this. She had to see Clarke’s masterpiece but that meant she had to go back.

***

 

The taxi parked and Lexa put the magazine with the Clarke Griffin review that she had read at least 100 times in her bag.

”Thank you” She told the chauffeur and got out of the cab.

In big letters she could read CLARKE GRIFFIN’S GALLERY, that girl really made it. Lexa smiled for herself before she gathered her courage to go inside. She was met by a receptionist.

”Hello” She smiled.

”Hi”

”You’re on the list?” Honestly Lexa had no idea but she gave it a shot. ”Lexa Woods”

”Oh, it’s really you” She said with big eyes.

”I guess it’s really me” Lexa chuckled. ”Am I on the list?” She asked.

”You’re the first one on the list, enjoy let me know if you need anything. And I mean anything”

”I think I’ll be fine, thank you though” Lexa smiled at her before she walked to the left where it seemed to start.

The first part of the wall was painted black that faded into to white, Lexa studied the wall painting that leaded up to the first picture. It was Abby holding Clarke in her arms, it was a beautiful portrait of a mother and daughters first meeting.

The story followed with her childhood, it was a mixture with happiness that turned dark for her teenage years when she lost her father. The painting got darker and more rough and Lexa felt the pain in every canvas. One painting caught her attention a bit extra, it looked like a collage room but not just any collage room. It looked like her old collage room, the painting was surrounded with light while the wall was still dark. She studied it for a bit, had Lexa brought some happiness to Clarke back in high school? Even if they didn’t really know each other expect that they had really great sex together.

She moved forward and the darkness slowly turned into light again, this was the time she met Finn. Lexa could tell he had a big part of her ”overcoming” her fathers death, he showed her that life is still beautiful.

She was right because the next painting was of Finn, but half of the face was her dads… Seemed like Clarke saw a lot of similarities of her dad in Finn. Like some sort of comfort of her dad passing away. It was so interesting to see how Clarke had figured her own story out, Lexa was truly amazed by this.

She had reach a painting that looked exactly like the spot that Lexa showed her and then broke up with her at the same spot. In the sunset she could barely see two green eyes, it was a bit weird to be a part of this story. She never been this involved with a client before, she was so proud but her heart still ached because the painful memories went flashing in her mind. She seemed to be the only one here at the moment as well so she could really take her time. She understood that this is where their story really began and that she probably would be a part of the next paintings a lot more.

She was not wrong the next paintings showed longing, lust, love. It was really breathtaking. As she slowly walked the gallery the walls got colder, filled with heartbreak and confusion. There was one canvas showing a blonde girl probably presenting Clarke trying to fix or heal a broken heart. It could either be her own or it could be Lexa’s heart she was trying to heal.

Lexa sighed as she moved on, the story seemed to change now. There was painting with infinity symbol, didn’t really make sense so Lexa moved on - this had to be the passed 3 years - Lexa didn’t really know much about this part of Clarke’s life. What is showed it seemed like Clarke got stronger this period, that she was focusing on her self. The rare thing was that the infinity symbol was now appearing in every canvas. Either big, small or barely showing - but it was there.

Lexa realized that she was coming to the end and she had to walk a bit to get to a bigger room, she actually gasped when she saw the gigantic painting. She couldn’t even be mistakes - it was a huge portrait of her, her body was naked, her sensitive parts covered by a infinity symboled lingering her body and covering parts of her face so it was really not clear for people who it was. Lexa knew. She knew her body, she knew her face.

Damn. She couldn’t take her eyes of it - it was truly beautiful and not expected at all - she had stopped appearing in the story a few paintings back.

”My proudest work” The voice she could recognize anytime filled her ears, she turned around and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Clarke walking towards her. She looked elegant, wearing a black suit with her hair tied back. She looked well.

”Lexa?” the blonde hesitated and stopped moving, she looked like she seen a ghost.

”It’s truly spectacular” Lexa smirked. ”All of it Clarke - I’m amazed and… you deserve all the recognition you got”

”Thanks…” Clarke still looked confused. ”Sorry, I just… you where the last person I expected to see” Lexa couldn’t help it, her whole body screamed - she started moving towards Clarke and once close she threw her arms around the blonde and pulled her into a hug.

”I know” Lexa smiled, she had missed the blonde too much.

”What are you doing back here?” Clarke asked when they let go of each other, the hug had been a bit awkward.

”I read an article about you, I din’t want to miss out. I needed to see this with my own eyes and it was worth it”

”Thank you, you should have called in advanced and we could have fixed a proper viewing for you”

”I couldn’t wait - and I really don’t care about that” Lexa told her.

”I…sorry. I am just very surprised Lexa I haven’t seen you in forever”

”I get it…” Lexa just now realized Clarke’s awkward behavior a bit more, she was stiff and looked uncomfortable.

”Maybe this is a bad timing?” Lexa asked.

”You.. you’re always welcome” Clarke breathed. ”How long are you in town?”

”Once I got here…I realized I miss my friends and my apartment”

”So you’re moving back?”

”Is that a problem?” Lexa asked skeptical since Clarke was acting so weird.

”No…we have to catch up then?” The blonde was so nervous.

”I would like that” Lexa smiled at her trying to ease the mood.

”Awesome” Clarke finally smiled back.

”Is it the one and only Lexa Woods?” Bellamy’s voice broke the silence and the girls turned around to watch him walk towards them, he was quick to bring Lexa into a hug. It was a more expected greeting after such a long time and the brunette hugged him back smiling.

”Bellamy, nice to see you” She said.

”You look better than ever” He complimented her while Clarke looked a bit terrified as she stared back and forth between them.

”Well thank you for coming Lexa, I look forward to catch up later” Clarke said quickly and that is when Lexa started to study both Clarke and Bellamy. The blonde’s shirt looked a bit weird because one button was not correct, Bellamy’s hair was a bit too crazy…no fucking way. Lexa flickered back to Clarke and locked eyes with blue, she seemed to panic because she realized that Lexa had figured it out already.

”Well it was good too see you two, enjoy” Lexa walked in-between them.

”Bye Lexa, let’s do something soon! All of us” Bellamy yelled unaware of the situation.

”I will call you later Lexa” Clarke yelled.

”Bye guys” Lexa yelled back, she didn’t want to be rude but she needed some fresh air. Once out of the building she took some deep breaths, that gallery visit had truly been a rollercoaster. But...

She was ready to come back - she wanted to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> I just want to clear up the confusion from the last chapter - I didn't want them together after all that bullshit I wanted them to grow individually first. For me that's so important - to love yourself before loving someone else. I'm sorry it felt like "wasted years" but I would rather have them steady than acting like teenagers forever ;) 
> 
> And I know some of you will hate Bellamy now (and it might be repeating) but it all have a meaning and it will be explained. 
> 
> This is the fun part of the story that I have been waiting for to share with you haha! I want some jealousy, angst, humor, flirting and so on! 
> 
> So let me know about your thoughts! I hope you like this chapter! Lexa is coming back after a long time and she's ready to fight for her girl!


	24. Friday gathering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's first gathering in a while! Nice to see everyone... or?

”If I knew Clarke’s success would make you move home I would have told you earlier” Anya rolled her eyes.  
”You didn’t speak much about her” Lexa told her as she finished the last bite of her sandwich.   
”Because you became a stone cold bitch every time I mentioned her name, it was like saying fucking Voldemort out loud” Anya chuckled as she threw a piece of trash from the food on her.   
”I…I did not” Lexa was offended.  
”Whatever you say sis” Anya winked. ”So what’s the plan?”   
”Do you know if she’s seeing anyone?” Lexa changed the subject.  
”No plan I assume?” Anya asked again.  
”I will come back, I miss my home. I will go to New York this weekend and it will be my last trip in a while”  
”In a while?”   
”Like only if necessary - I will fly my clients to me”   
”You really are my role model, I though that was a big sister role but damn - you really are a badass. I hope you know I’m proud of you!”   
”Thank you” Lexa smiled at her sister, it was not often they complimented each other. It was not really needed because they both knew they where each other number 1 supporter. It was nice to hear though. ”So what about Clarke? She’s seeing someone or what?”  
”Honestly… I don’t know. No one exclusive - otherwise I think him or her would have joined us at our gatherings. No one yet”   
”Okay…” That was some good news.  
”Why, do you know something I don’t?” Anya was curious.   
”No, not really.”   
”Oh by the way!” Anya bursted out. ”Gathering, it’s this Friday - can you join?”   
”I’m going on Saturday but I guess I could stop by, who’s hosting?”   
”I am” Anya smiled at her. ”So you’re anti-social ass won’t have to get an anxiety attack!”   
”Perfect” Lexa stuck her tongue out. ”You know me so well” 

***

”It’s so nice to see you too” Lexa cheered into the hug with Octavia and Clarke stared at them. It felt so weird seeing her again.   
”Hi” Clarke reached for a hug again. ”Been a while since you joined us” She couldn’t help but to smell her, Lexa smelled her amazing self as always. How did she manage to always smell so good? How did she smell? What if she smelled bad?   
”Yes but soon I will be able to join again” Lexa smiled.  
”Lexa-luuuuu” Lincoln greeted her with a big hug lifting her from the ground that made the brunette chuckle the most adorable way ever. ”So nice that you’re coming back, it’s not the same without you”  
”I missed you all so much” Lexa was smiling like an idiot as she was carried down to the floor again.   
”Here you go” Anya handed Lexa a beer. ”She hasn’t been here for a while the rest of you know where the beer is” she informed the rest that was staring at her gesture. ”And you do not get used to this” she winked to Lexa before she moved back inside to join Raven in the sofa.   
”She’s something” Lincoln smiled and they all started laughing. 

Clarke moved her way into the kitchen to get a beer, she could feel foot steps behind her. She looked back and saw Lexa leaning against the wall staring at her.   
”You look nice” She told her.   
”You look nice too” Clarke smiled as she opened her beer, she decided to lean on the other wall and they studied each other for a while.   
”Are you okay with me coming back?” Lexa finally broke the silence.   
”Why wouldn’t I be?” Clarke wondered.  
”You seemed…a bit off the other day”   
”I was just surprised” Clarke took a step closer and it made Lexa straighten her body. ”Are you staying this time?” She asked as she looked into brown eyes.   
”I am… and I know what I want” Lexa said straight forward, no hesitation.   
”Good” Clarke smiled at her and then she walked out of the kitchen, but she made sure to slightly bump her shoulder with Lexa’s on the way out. 

 

***

Lexa found herself looking at Clarke anytime she got the chance, her eyes was following her so naturally. It was a really nice evening, Lexa was pretty calm with the drinks considering she had a flight to catch tomorrow. Everyone was really happy and it was nice to catch up with everyone, Lincoln showed pictures of his and Octavia’s cute daughter. She promised to come visit as soon as she was back from New York. Raven was her same outgoing hilarious self and her sister seemed to be more in love now than she left. 

Some other good news was that Finn was here and engaged, his lady was gorgeous and kind. It was nice to see that he moved on from Clarke and that everyone seemed cool with it. 

Jasper and Monty was hosting a game of beer pong in the kitchen with the boys while the girls where gossiping in the couch. Once Lexa noticed that Clarke walked out alone on the balcony she took that as her chance.

”It’s a beautiful view” Lexa closed the door carefully behind her to get them some privacy.   
”Yeah they made it really cozy up here” Clarke turned around and they gazed into each others eyes.   
”Come sit with me” Lexa had sat down and Clarke got closer to sit down next to her.   
”It’s still weird that you’re back” Clarke told her.   
”I’m sorry it wasn’t earlier”   
”I think time actually was a good idea, I learned a lot these 3 years”   
”Yeah?” Lexa smiled. ”Like what?”   
”Firstly, I am a kickass artist… I can do anything I set my mind too, loving yourself is important - not to rely on others and be strong by myself.”  
”That’s amazing” Lexa smiled even wider.  
”I also learned to not wait around for you - it made it easier to move on” Clarke changed to serious and locked eyes with green.   
”I’m sorry Clarke, I know I couldn't ask you to wait for me”   
”So Miss Woods, tell me exactly what you’re doing back in town?” Clarke raised her eyebrow.   
”I told you, I miss my home, my friends - and I got stronger from the surgery. I feel like I’m finally 100% myself and I don’t want to waste anymore time”  
”So you think you can come back three years later expecting everything will be normal and that you and me will have our happy ending?”  
”I didn’t say that Romeo” Lexa teased her. ”I don’t even know if you’re interested anymore - we have barely talked…hell I don’t even know if you’re single”   
”I’m single” Clarke didn’t hesitate.   
”It’s pretty unbelievable like a girl like you stayed single for three years”  
”I haven’t been a nun though… and same goes for you. I guess the girls in New York was crazy about you”  
”True” Lexa was short.  
”So you asked be to not fuck around and you did?” Clarke scoffed.  
”I never said that, girls was hitting on me but I turned them down” Lexa told her and the blonde seemed surprised.   
”So you’re saying you haven’t been with someone since me?” Clarke wondered.  
”It doesn’t interest me, what can I say. They wasn’t really what I was looking for” Lexa casually threw her arm on couch so it was basically around Clarke.   
”So you been a nun huh?” Clarke was shocked.  
”It was me myself and I” Lexa winked and it made the girls laugh.   
”You are absolutely crazy”   
”You like it” Lexa chuckled.   
”I guess I do” Clarke rolled her eyes.  
”So…who’s my competition”   
”Shut up”   
”I always felt like Bellamy had a thing for you”   
”Come on…” Clarke wined. ”Fuck, I knew you weren’t an idiot”   
”Clarke, I have a multimillionaire company, of course I’m not an idiot”   
”It’s not what it seems”   
”You’re not fucking in your office?” Lexa pretended to be surprised.   
”It’s just about…I was lonely and one night… I” Clarke sighed. ”It was the night I drunk called you and you told me the opposite of what I wanted to hear”  
”Clarke…”  
”Bellamy comforted me and it sort of happened”   
”Typical guy to take advantage of that situation”   
”It’s sex, I didn’t like being alone and I guess I used him”  
”And you still are”   
”It became like a thing, having sex unexceptionally. But that’s it”  
”That’s it?” Lexa wondered. ”Sex?”  
”I’m sorry our first meeting after three years was for you to see that”   
”The only one to blame is myself I guess.” Lexa shrugged.  
”I like your highlights” Clarke said randomly. ”You hair looks real nice”  
”Thank you” Lexa chuckled. ”So when I get back next week, is it okay to ask you out on a date?”   
”Are Lexa Woods asking me out, officially?”   
”Yes” Lexa laughed. ”I really want to take you out on a date you deserved years ago”   
”Sounds nice” Clarke smiled shyly.   
”It’s probably better than sex with Bellamy” Lexa could’t help it, she loved him but hated the idea of his hands all over Clarke.  
”You know I fancy jealous Lexa”   
”You’re not supposed to” She sighed.   
”Can’t help it” Clarke chuckled. A buzz in Lexa’s pocket made her reach for her phone, damn time flew by.   
”Well, I have to go” Lexa said disappointed. ”I will be back next week”  
”I’ll be waiting for your call” Clarke smiled.   
”Can’t wait” Lexa leaned in closer and left a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek that made her blush. ”You’re adorable” Lexa smiled before she stood up. ”See you soon”   
”See you”

***

Lexa made sure to say goodbye to everyone else and she had to promise all of them probably ten times each that she was coming back next week. It got her excited though, having people that missed her, wanting her home - in New York she it was fake friendships - her closets one was her assistance. That says a lot.

As she got out she realized it was a warm evening, she wasn’t really drunk at all so she decided to walk home. It wasn’t really that far and she could need a moment to just take it all in. 

It didn’t take long though until her walk got interrupted, first she got scared that someone was trying to rob her or even worse…

”What the actually fuck Bellamy? You scared the crap out of me” She bursted out.  
”I didn’t mean too” He slurred.  
”What are you even doing here?”  
”Well I’m trying” Bellamy had to take a breath, seemed like he had been running - he stank of alcohol as well. ”To catch you”  
”Are you okay?” Lexa wondered.   
”You’re really fast Lexa” He seemed to be in his own world. ”Damn”  
”What’s wrong?” Lexa wondered if she had forget something? Or why was he running after her like an idiot?   
”You Lexa”  
”Me?” Didn’t expect that.  
”You know what, you can’t just come back her and destroy everything”   
”What did I destroy?” Damn… was he talking about Clarke?   
”She sees you what, one evening? And suddenly” He stopped to laugh for himself. ”And suddenly - no Bellamy - I don’t want to go home with you”   
”I’m not really sure what’s going on” Lexa got pretty happy inside but she didn’t want to show it.   
”We where having a good thing going on”  
”I think Clarke is a grown up and can decide for herself what she want Bellamy”   
”No… you don’t understand”  
”I think Clarke didn’t want to have sex with you and now you’re blaming me for it”  
”No…wait.. YES” He kept slurring. ”I… I was gonna ask her out you know - and now you’re gonna destroy it” Did he like Clarke? Did Bellamy have feelings for her?  
”I never tried to destroy anything. But it’s not up to me what she wants, like I said - Clarke is a grown woman who perfectly fine can decide for herself what she wants”   
”Just stay away from her Lexa, why do you even bother huh?”  
”Excuse me?”   
”You’re gonna storm in here, turn her world upside down again and get her fall for you even harder and then what? You’re gonna leave again? Make the rest of us pick up the damage? See Clarke struggle everyday because she misses you? See her deny any other interaction because there not Lexa. Lexa - Lexa - Lexa. That’s all she had on her mind and when she finally seems to be letting go you storm in here”  
”You seem to have a lot of build up anger towards me” Lexa was honestly speechless at this moment. She had never thought Bellamy of all people would yell at her.   
”Don’t you understand? Don’t come back if you don’t mean it this time”  
”Are you just mad because you’re fuck buddy said no? Damn there is a lot of fishes in the sea”  
”But they're not Clarke are they?”  
”You like Clarke, this is what this is all about huh. Very mature of you Bellamy”   
”I’m not ready to give up Lexa, I’m sorry I can’t”   
”i’m not gonna stand here and argue about who’s getting Clarke. She is her own person”   
”Please just go back to New York and stay there”  
”What happened to us being friends?”   
”We are - I just don’t like the way you treat Clarke”   
”You have no idea how I treat Clarke” Lexa raised her voice now, she was tired of listening to a drunk, disappointed man. ”Just leave me alone Bellamy, I’m done talking about this”  
”Remember what I said”   
”Get out of here, honestly” Lexa took a step back to show that she meant it.   
”I just want the best for her” Bellamy slurred before he turned around and started to walk away, Lexa studied him for a bit slowly walked away.

What the actual fuck? This was the last thing she expected, how dare he talk about her and Clarke in that way? Like he had any idea what they been through? Fucking idiot? Threatening to stay in New York? 

Bellamy was not on her good list anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> Bellamy is a jerk right? Or? 
> 
> Let me know what you think - I'm also curious on what YOU want to happen in this story - what you think will happen or whatever. It's interesting to see (and who knows maybe I will have your thought in consideration) 
> 
> I have a busy week coming but I will try to update more often! 
> 
> Lots of love, always - and with all the drama going around. Damn be kind to each other! Peace


	25. Moving back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is exited about coming home. Clarke likes it too.

Lexa’s week in New York had ben better than she expected, it has been late after a late shift when she gathered courage enough to dial the number. Clarke had almost immediately picked up, at first they had both been a bit shy but after a few minutes they almost talked over each other. They ended up speaking for three hours about everything and nothing, laughing and reminiscing. Sharing new experiences and stuff that had happened the last years. 

After that call they kept contact all the time, sending silly memes, flirty text messages to long phone calls. Lexa was losing sleep because of it but she couldn’t care a bit about it - seems like Clarke felt the same way.

That is why she was so exited as she finally was standing in her apartment with all her moving boxes ready to be unpacked. She was eager to settle down, she didn’t have much from New York since she always saw it as temporary - but still the little that she had she was exited to unpack. The clothes was the fun part, she might have got a bit of a shopping addiction in the big city. She often found herself buying new stuff because she didn’t have anything better to do. 

The door bell rang and made Lexa quickly get to the door to see who it was, she opened it and saw Clarke standing there with a six pack of beers and a pizza box.  
”I thought you could use a hand” She smiled.  
”Perfect, you can start in the kitchen - I’ll be in the living room eating this” Lexa grabbed the pizza box as she chuckled.  
”I changed my mind” Clarke teased but she still closed the door behind her and was taking of her jacket. ”Oh, wait” she opened the door again. ”Hold this” she handed Lexa the beers as well while curios green eyes studied the blonde.  
”What are you doing?” she asked.   
”I got you a moving in present…I hope you like it because it’s kind of big” Clarke came in with a big wrapped canvas in her arms, Lexa put down the beverages and the food to give her a helping hand.  
”What is this” She asked surprised as they carried it to the living room.  
”You always complained about your wall over the sofa looked so empty” Clarke told.  
”You made this”  
”If you think it’s ugly…I mean”  
”Schh…” Lexa hushed her as she unwrapped it. She leaned the painting against a wall while she looked at it quite.   
”Say something…” Clarke said shyly. Lexa watched every corned of that picture, it was a painting of her. The self-portrait was pretty simply it self - it was the background that caught attention. All the colors creating a patter that seemed to be sending strength to her heart. It was absolutely stunning - she would have never thought of put up a big picture of herself but this was too good not too.  
”I love it Clarke” She smiled. ”You really didn’t… when did you have time?”   
”I made it when you where in surgery…I thought it maybe it could represent your new strong heart - well a new start basically…”   
”Why didn’t you show me this before” Lexa couldn't be happier about the painting, it was gonna make her living room so much better. She walked over to Clarke and wrapped her into a hug, this time Clarke was present and held her tightly.   
”Didn’t really get the chance too” Clarke said as they held onto each other, it seemed like none of them wanted to let go.  
”I’m glad you had a chance to now” It was pointless to keep hating their past, Lexa just wanted to look forward.   
”Me too” Clarke smiled into the hug and as Lexa loosened her grip she noticed how Clarke didn’t let go. She kept her hands on Clarke’s wrist, she didn’t mind being this close to her, the blonde moved so that they where staring face to face. Lexa’s screaming stomach destroyed the moment and she laughed awkwardly.  
”I didn’t have time to eat today…I can smell the pizza”   
”What would you do without me” Clarke joked but Lexa honestly didn’t have the answer too that.  
”Good thing I’m back” Lexa chuckled. ”I know you missed taking care of me” she teased.   
”Oh, bullcrap” Clarke whined.   
”I carried up my last boxed and then you where standing outside my door darling”   
”You told me when you where landing” Clarke said annoyed as she handed Lexa a pizza slice.   
”I’m not complaining” Lexa winked. ”I’m just saying that you like it…”   
”Shut up and eat your pizza” Clarke glared at her and Lexa stuffed her mouth laughing. 

***

It was Thursday and Clarke had been so busy with Lexa that she had forgot about Bellamy - she didn’t mean too. She had just forgot to reply to some text messages, reading them thinking she would reply soon. 

So when Bellamy walked into her gallery with a disappointed look she felt guilt taking over her.   
”Ignoring me?” He started the conversation.   
”No” Clarke told him. ”Sorry I didn’t mean too…I was gonna get back to you” Wasn't a lie but she didn’t know when.   
”I missed you” Bellamy said with his goofy smile that Clarke was a bit weak for.   
”Just a lot with work” Clarke told him as she noticed how he got closer and she tried to take a step back but was pulled back as Bellamy grabbed her back and puller her close.   
”Want to get rest your mind with something else” Bellamy teased.   
”Sorry” Clarke pushed him away gently. ”I can’t…I have so much to do”   
”No worries” Bellamy pouted. ”Maybe just a little fun?”   
”Bellamy” Clarke said serious.   
”Alright alright, you can’t blame me for trying?” He asked.   
”No”   
”So when are you free?”   
”I don’t know”   
”Why are you acting so cold?” He seemed to get a bit irritated.   
”I’m not” She probably was.   
”It’s because of Lexa isn’t it?”   
”She has nothing to do with this”   
”So you wouldn’t mind if I asked you out on a date?” He wondered.   
”We….” Clarke sighed. ”We…this is just sex Bellamy” Suddenly she felt a flashback to some years back hearing Lexa saying the same words to her.   
”But…I mean we haven’t even tried to see if it can be something else”   
”Why are you asking me this now that Lexa is back, it wasn’t interesting before?”   
”Because suddenly I realized I could loose you and I don’t want that Clarke”   
”Typical” Clarke rolled her eyes.   
”We have amazing sex Clarke, you can’t deny that”   
”No…but that’s it, we never really have anything else than that in common”   
”How do you know that? Maybe we can be great together?”   
”Lexa asked me out…” Clarke admitted.   
”So I wasn’t wrong” Bellamy scoffed. ”When are you gonna realize that’s she’s just toying with your emotions? How many chances are you gonna give her?”   
”You don’t know nothing about us”   
”Enough to know that she left you more than once, broke your heart more than once…well enough to know that’s she’s probably gonna get some great job opportunity and leave again…” Bellamy grabbed Clarke’s hand and looked into her eyes. ”Why can’t you see it? All that matters to Lexa is work and always has been. You is some sort of comfort to her she can use to try to fool herself it’s not”   
”Shut up Bellamy” Clarke twitched her hand away.   
”You know I’m right, that is why you have nothing to say” Bellamy said angry.   
”She loves me” Clarke told him confident even if she wasn’t fully sure anymore.   
”So where the hell has she been all these years?” Bellamy raised his voice. ”If she cares so much about you, why the hell did she use you as a sex toy?”   
”You have no idea about me and Lexa” Clarke spitted trough her teeth.   
”Whatever you say I just think it’s unfair you can’t even give me a chance - but for her you run back every time”   
”FINE” Clarke yelled. ”If this is how you ask a girl out for fuck sake?! Let’s go in a fucking date”   
”I don’t want to upset you, I just want you to realize to not jump too fast into this. It won’t hurt to have some dinner with me”   
”Okay” Clarke took a deep breath, even if she was pissed he wasn’t completely wrong.   
”Come here, I’m sorry okay” Bellamy brought her into a hug. ”Sometimes you need to be harsh to open up someone’s eyes”   
”She’s not a bad person though” Clarke told him.  
”I know she’s not. I like Lexa. It doesn’t mean she’s perfect” 

But she was perfect in Clarke’s eyes. 

***

Lexa was happy being back at her old office, it basically looked the same as the day she left. No one dared to use her office or change anything. She didn’t mind much but she was upgrading her assistance space, Alice deserved the best. She was so loyal and Lexa wanted to do something nice for her. 

She was slowly getting back to her old habits and she enjoyed every part of it - once back she realized how much she missed this. Regretting that she left maybe wasn’t the case, she regretting being to scared to come back. It’s so easy to get used to new things and once comfortable is hard to change again. 

New York hadn’t just been great for work, even if she had achieved so many goals in the city that she could probably retire. She was proud of her work - but she was even more proud on how she had grown as a person. 

If she had been alone in a city, especially New York a few years ago she would have been wild. Partying every day, hanging out with temporary friends - have sex with strangers and not really care about anything at all. Being careless.

That was a lie though - she had been living in a lie. Lexa cared to much - that had always been her weakness. Or that what she though had been her weakness but was is wrong with being a loving and caring person? 

Each day she had been grateful for just living as well - damn she had almost passed away on that surgery. That is something that makes she life in a different perspective - to truly appreciate what you have. Today she couldn't care about meaningless stuff, she wanted to settle down - be close to her friends and family. Create a home, and once and for all stay. 

She was done traveling around, moving - jumping from another country to another. She probably would still travel for work but only for a short period. A weekend, a week she didn’t know - all she knew was that she was home now and that she wanted to stay.

Going through life not thinking anything matters had been a stupid lie that she had told herself. Not wondering that she had always felt empty and lonely. In the end of the day - she had been alone. That is no one else but her own fault - even with everything surrounding her - she knew a lot of people, she got invited to a lot of events - she could always be around people - but it didn’t fill that hole in her heart. 

It was all fake, she could have all the money in the world but she truly understood now that none of that matters if you’re alone. 

She still didn't want to regret how she had chose too live her life - it probably got her this far in her career. There was no distractions. Today, however - she didn't settle with that. She wanted to share her life with someone - Clarke - and she wanted to be the best partner. 

Caring, loving, truthful, kind. 

She was so exited to take Clarke on a date, she wanted to make it perfect. Clarke didn't care for fancy places or money - but Lexa had found out that every once in a while Clarke adored being treated a bit over the top. Feeling classy and dress up nice. 

Or maybe - a casual date - but it seemed to boring after all this time. Lexa could do whatever really but she thought that maybe she could go a bit over the top. It was a bit silly, she was like a teenager getting all giggly because of a date. 

But it was a date with Clarke Griffin, could you blame her?.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! 
> 
> Another chapter and as always please let me know what you think :) 
> 
> How would your dream date with Clexa look like? :P


	26. Date night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Clarke and Lexa finally goes out on a date.

Lexa walked into the now familiar gallery, she had been getting directions to Clarke’s office and bubbly with emotions moved her way there. She knocked gently on the door.  
”Come in” Clarke yelled through the door and Lexa opened it. ”Oh, hi” She said with a big smile.   
”I got you these” Lexa said shyly as she handed Clarke her favorite flowers.  
”Oh, Lexa” Clarke’s smile got wider. ”Why?” She chuckled. ”They’re beautiful”  
”Glad you like them” Lexa opened her arms to hug Clarke back.  
”Why do I have the honor of Lexa bringing me flowers?” She asked.   
”So…” Lexa took a deep breath but she was still smiling. ”I wanted to know if I could ask you out on Friday?”   
”Wow” Clarke gasped. ”I mean you are doing pretty well so far”   
”I want to take you out for dinner”  
”Dress code?”   
”Whatever you feel comfortable in” Lexa smiled.  
”What about Octavia’s night out?” Lincoln and Octavia’s daughter was with Octavia’s parents this weekend and they had begged everyone for a night out.  
”I know, I was thinking I could get you some food and we can meet them out?”   
”Sounds amazing” Clarke smiled. ”Can’t wait”  
”This office looks good by the way, it’s Clarke all over it” She chuckled.  
”I wanted it too… be me” Clarke explained it.   
”You did good” It got a bit quite as they both seemed to look around in the room.  
”I need to tell you something” Clarke sighed. ”I just don’t want you to hear it from someone else”   
”Okay” Lexa got a bit scared, not knowing what to come.  
”So…Bellamy asked me out all of the sudden” Clarke sighed.  
”Of course he did” Lexa scoffed.   
”Did you know about it?” Clarke asked surprised.  
”No…he had a nice chat with me before I left for New York” Lexa told her. ”Apparently he’s not a big fan of us”   
”I’m sorry…he came here having some big talk about how you’re no good for me”  
”And what do you think?” Lexa wondered.   
”I think I’m excited for our date” Clarke smiled.   
”And what did you answer?”  
”About him asking me out?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded. ”I said yes to shut him up - and that is what I wanted to tell you - I… I’m gonna make him realize that we are not a thing”   
”You sure about that?” Lexa was a bit jealous, she just didn’t want to admit it.   
”I was honest when I told you it was nothing emotional involved, at least not from my side…still I just don’t want to hurt him. It’s still Bellamy”   
”Okay, whatever you got to do” Lexa shrugged.   
”Yeah?” Clarke asked. ”You know…” She walked closer to the brunette and used her hand to pull some hair behind Lexa’s ear. ”You seem different” She smiled.  
”I told you I wanted to be a better me…” Lexa got shy with her being so close.   
”And I believed you…still I can’t believe it, if that makes sense” She chuckled.   
”You’re pretty amazing, you know that right?” Lexa smiled as she rested her arms around Clarke’s waist.   
”I tried to tell you years ago” Clarke winked.   
”I guess you did huh” Lexa tickled her to the side and Clarke peeped, trying not to laugh.   
”I really can’t wait for Friday” Clarke smiled as she put her hands on Lexa’s cheek, caressing her carefully as she studied Lexa’s face - like every inch of it. ”Did someone ever tell you that you are stunning?”   
”Clarke…” Lexa got shy at the compliment.   
”It’s just insane how beautiful you are”   
”Are you trying to get into my pants?” Lexa teased.  
”What else” Clarke teased back.   
”Come here” Lexa couldn't help it, her hand naturally got to Clarke’s neck to pull her closer. It was like a lightening going through her body when their lips pressed together, it was gently. Lexa hesitated to see if it was okay but Clarke was kissing her back immediately as she played Lexa’s hair by the neck. ”God damn I missed you” Lexa smiled as their lips parted and she took a step back.  
”hey” Clarke said surprised. ”where you’re going?”   
”We have to save some for Friday, don’t we?” Lexa smiled.  
”You are teas Miss Woods” Clarke told her.   
”It was just a sample, so you know what you’re getting into” Lexa tried to seem serious but failed with a smile because she was honestly to happy.   
”Do you have more free samples?” Clarke wondered.   
”That was the last one for today Miss, I been handing out a lot today it’s exhausting. I will check in the back and see if we have more” Clarke picked up a clean pencil and threw it at her jokingly.  
”I thought it was limited edition”   
”Only for you” Lexa smiled. ”I got more to come”   
”Can’t wait…now get out of here so I can focus on my work”   
”You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone so make sure to get a nice view of my ass walking out” Lexa chuckled as she turned around.   
”Always do” Clarke yelled behind her. 

*** 

Clarke couldn’t me more exited - ever since Lexa showed up at work, asking her out and…kissing her? The only thing that had been on her mind was her. So when Friday finally arrived - she couldn’t help it. She took the day off, she slept in - she took a long shower, she spent time doing her make up than she had done in months and she carefully decided her outfit. Since Lexa had’t mention ”dress up” she figured it wasn’t to fancy. Still she wanted to look good, she had decided on a short black dress, it was simple but she had got to show of her legs and cleavage. In case it got cold she had her jeans jacket ready. 

Lexa had told her to be outside at six, Clarke was there 17:43 - she couldn’t wait any longer. They had decided to go a bit earlier so that they join their friends later. The brunette wasn’t late, a cab arrived 17:58 to be exact, Lexa got out, complemented her and opened the door for her.

They had a small conversation in car ride, both being a bit shy. Even if they knew each other so well - they never really done anything like this before. Clarke recognized the mountain they where going to, she had spent so much time there alone when Lexa was living in New York.

”We are here ladies” The cab driver informed them, Lexa paid him and they got out.  
”I’m nervous” Lexa admitted but she reached for Clarke’s hand and the blonde grabbed it. ”We are going this way…I hope you’re gonna like it” They walked to their usual spot but Clarke could not help but gasp when she watched the place they had been saying goodbye at three years ago. There was a blanket with pillows surrounded by candles, a small little tables where a bottle of wine was placed and two wine glasses. Next to it was a basket, probably filled with food and not to mention the view. The sun was going down and it just looked truly beautiful.   
”Lexa” She gasped.  
”I hope you don’t think it’s lame” Lexa told her.  
”This is more than I expected” Clarke smiled at her.  
”That makes me happy” Lexa smiled back as they both sat down on the blanket close to each other. The brunette was quick to open the wine and poured the glasses with rosé.   
”Thanks for giving me a second try” Lexa raised her glass.  
”Cheers” Clarke chuckled, she felt so bubbly with all the emotions that was exploding in her body at the moment.   
”You hungry?” Lexa asked.  
”Always” Clarke told her and the brunette starting to prepare the food.

It was so casual, they enjoyed the dinner and when the wine started to kick in both of them had trouble to stop talking. They where laughing, making jokes - got a bit to touchy - unnecessary touchy and they just had a loving time. Once the wine bottle got empty Clarke was scared it was over but Lexa surprised her with bringing up a six pack of beer from a cooler. 

”Look at that amazing sun set” Clarke smiled at the view.   
”I want to enjoy it but I have trouble taking my eyes off you” Lexa told her and it made Clarke’s heart skip a beat.  
”I don’t want to destroy these good thing we got going on here”  
”Why would you?” Lexa wondered as she took a sip of her beer and reached for some chips.   
”I feel like we have to talk about us”   
”We do” Lexa told her. ”We don’t want to make the same mistake as the last time”   
”We don’t” Clarke smiled. ”I am really surprised how you reacted with Bellamy…to be fair, I think I wanted a reaction. To see what you would do”   
”I’m done with the games Clarke” Lexa told her. ”I want you and I am going to be completely honest with you. If something is on my mind I’m gonna tell you, if something is bothering me - you will know about it. If I am going through something - I want to turn to you instead of shutting down”   
”I like that” Clarke smiled. ”It was silly of me, he talked so much shit about us and I got pissed - maybe he hit a weak spot that made me act childish”   
”Can I ask you something?”   
”Of course”   
”If you don’t wont to go out with him, why are you doing it? If he talks bad about us - why are you”   
”Because” Clarke cut her off. ”I wanted to make him sit down and listen to me - I know where he is coming from unfortunately. I have been mad at you in the past and I have been talking about you when I’m drunk”  
”Something you want share with me?”   
”Honestly, I wasn’t mad at you - or for what you did. I was mad you didn’t show any sign of wanting to come back”   
”I guess I was scared”  
”I mean if you haven’t seen that article would you even be here now?” 

Lexa got quite, she studied the view for a minute until she decided to move closer to Clarke. She brought her into her arms and they leaned back so that Clarke could rest on Lexa’s chest.   
”What if we stop asking what if, and stop questioning everything. Maybe I saw that for a reason and that is why I’m here - let’s see it as a sign rather than something bad.”  
”Why does it seem like you got wiser?” Clarke cuddled closer to her.   
”I think that I did” Lexa told her as she played with the blonde’s hair.  
”I just want to focus on us - if you are ready to take this to the next level. I’m all in”   
”I am more than ready” Lexa kissed her forehead. ”We been waiting long enough haven't we?”  
”I’m sorry for bringing all that drama with Bellamy to the picture - I just, he still my friend. I will talk to him, get him down too earth”   
”How easy things get when we talk to each other” Lexa teased.   
”Do you think Octavia would be mad if we skipped tonight?”   
”I think she would kill both of us”   
”True” Clarke sighed.   
”Good thing is we got all the time in the world”   
”So when can I see you again…I mean just the two of us”   
”You are welcome to my place whenever you like”   
”I love your apartment” Clarke told her.  
”I love having you in my apartment” Lexa smiled.  
”So maybe I can stay at your place tonight and we can hang out Saturday - you can cook me some breakfast” Clarke suggested.   
”Me, you are offering me to cook for you?” Lexa laughed.  
”I would suggest myself but I know you won’t let me near your kitchen”  
”I do” Lexa sounded surprised and Clarke raised her eyebrows.  
”Last time I tried to surprise you for once with breakfast I burnt the eggs and spilled coffee all over your floor” Clarke sighed and Lexa laughed loud at the memory.  
”Damn, now that you say it” She laughed even more.  
”You’re mean”   
”I would love to make you breakfast on Saturday babe” The nickname slipped out so naturally.  
”I like being your babe” Clarke smiled at her because it seemed like Lexa seemed a bit unsure about it.   
”It’s a plan”   
”I think I want another sample” Clarke told her with a smirk.  
”Is that so?” Lexa bit her lip and Clarke nodded. Lexa tilted her head and lifted Clarke’s chin up with her fingers. The brunette leaned in but it seem to take forever so Clarke met her to collapse their lips, the blonde was a bit more eager this time. Her hand that had been resting on Lexa’s leg sneaked up on the brunettes hip to pull her closer. She played playfully teased with her tongue until Lexa welcomed her to explore hers - it got heated real quick. The lust for each other was insane, the blonde had no idea how she managed to breath - it was out of control. Lexa's hand sneaked under Clarke’s dress and was playing with her bare skin. The brunette grabbed her ass to signalize the blonde to straddle her, she manage to move without breaking their kisses. They where both completely lost in the act, Clarke pulled Lexa’s tank top of her shoulder and started kissing her neck while Lexa moaned. She had missed the sound, the pleasure.   
”Okay” Lexa took her hands out of Clarke’s dress and put them on her cheeks instead. ”Fuck”   
”Why are we stopping” Clarke wined.   
”Trust me, I don’t want too” Lexa assured her as she stole a quick kiss. ”We shouldn’t do this here” Lexa chuckled. ”At least not tonight”  
”When did you get romantic”  
”I will try for you” Lexa smiled.  
”I want you…now” Clarke told her. ”But I guess you have a point, why didn’t we have the date in your bedroom instead.”  
”I can assure you we you are welcome to join my bed whenever”   
”Am I just a horny mess?” Clarke asked.  
”Trust me, I am fighting every inch of my body not to fuck you right here”   
”I need a moment to gathering myself” Clarke moved from Lexa’s lap and sat down besides her instead.  
”How about we finish this beer and then we go say hi to Octavia and the girls and we can sneak home early”   
”Yes” Clarke said almost to exited.  
”Exited” Lexa chuckled.  
”I just…is it selfish of me of just wanting you for myself? I mean - we been waiting for so long - I don’t want to waste anymore time”   
”It’s adorable” Lexa smiled, she started to breath normal now.   
”Thank you so much for this evening, best date I have ever been on”   
”Wow” Lexa smiled. ”I’m glad we finally went on a date”   
”I want to take you out on the next one”   
”Sure you’re gonna be able to top this?” Lexa teased her.  
”Probably not” Clarke pouted.  
”Anywhere with you is a yes from me, it doesn’t matter what we do. I could sit and watch you paint for a whole day and call it a date”   
”So I’m not really under a lot of pressure”   
”I don’t want you to be” Lexa chuckled.  
”I don’t want you to be” Clarke agreed.  
”Do you feel ready to leave?”   
”Who’s gonna take care of all of this”   
”Something you should get used too” Lexa stood up and helped Clarke up as well. ”Being with Lexa Woods has it’s perks”   
”Yeah?”   
”I have people doing everything for me if I want them too - it just never bothered me. I am not useless I can take care of myself - but to share some extra luxury with you is something I will”   
”You don’t have to do that”   
”I know, but can I please get to spoil you a little bit?” Lexa smiled.   
”I guess it’s pretty sexy”   
”I knew it, you’re here for my money” Lexa joked and started laughing at Clarke’s surprised face.  
”Wait…what?” Clarke laughed back. ”You are such a dick”   
”I don’t like dicks”   
”So stop being one” Clarke winked.  
”I’m just fucking with you, you know that”  
”Did I miss out on something here, I thought you stopped that from happening tonight” Clarke teased her.  
”I’m gonna hear this for the rest of my life, the night Lexa said no to sex” Clarke laughed but she also got warm…for the rest of my life… the words sounded so comforting.   
”You have to keep it a bit interesting I guess”   
”Okay Miss Goofball…let’s get out of here. Taxi is on it’s way”   
”Like you don’t love it” Clarke laughed as she searched for Lexa’s hand, the brunette lingered their fingers together and they giggly walked to wait for their cab.

What a perfect evening, let’s see what else this night got for them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAST UPDATE, WE STAN RIGHT?
> 
> I see some comments about the story going around in circles - what can I say... if I wanted them to just get together immediately I wouldn't have had the three years gap. 
> 
> Also I am not a troll lol...I have two other finished stories with Clexa as end game xD 
> 
> I'm sorry I just like the angst too much - but I mean I gave you this chapter?? So let me know what you think ;P
> 
> Don't hate me, I am just writing a story lol - and I promise - if you think it's bad it's perfectly fine to stop reading it - I don't think you should but it's okay ;)
> 
> Much love, always.


	27. Truth or dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa joins the party with the group

”So how was the date?” Raven smirked.  
”Yes tell us!” Octavia said exited, they had sneaked away to the bathroom.   
”It was amazing, like everything I wanted it to be” Clarke smiled.  
”Wow, so details miss?” Raven asked.  
”She changed so much, I think she really wants this… she wants me!”   
”Any dirty details?” Raven asked her question again but explained what she really meant.   
”Fuck…” Clarke sighed. ”We almost… you know did it…I couldn’t control myself”  
”So what stopped you?”  
”Lexa…she wanted it to be special I guess”   
”Yeah, she must have changed” Raven laughed. ”It doesn’t sound like her”   
”I just…I just want to spend more time with her. It’s insane how fast we can go back to each other”   
”When people have a strong connection…I don’t really think it ever goes away” Octavia told her.  
”Must be true” Clarke agreed. ”But let’s go…I…”  
”Want to be with Lexa?” Octavia finished her sentence.  
”Yes” Clarke laughed.

They walked out of the bathroom and towards the group that was chilling close to the bar.   
”What up gang” Finn greeted them, he had cut his hair short. Clarke was still not used to see it like this, but he looked more grown.   
”You ordered the shots” Raven said happily to Jasper.   
”Of course I did” He smiled back.  
”So” Lexa walked up behind Clarke and put her arms around her. ”Did you spill the tea” she whispered and Clarke felt shivers through her body.  
”Don’t know what you’re talking about” Clarke told her, but of course she knew.  
”Hopefully it was good news” Lexa chuckled in her ear.   
”SHOTS!” Raven interrupted them and to Clarke’s disappointment Lexa let go of her and reached for two shot glasses.   
”Here” she handed one to Clarke.   
”I hate tequila” Clarke pouted.   
”I know” Lexa laughed.   
”On three” Octavia cheered the group counted before they all took the burning spirit. They all grimaced and sucked on the lemon wedge.   
”Fuck” Clarke breathed.   
”Clarke on tequila, that’s gonna be interesting” Bellamy smirked at her. ”I remember the last time”   
”We don’t have to bring up any tequila nights tonight, thank you” Clarke glared at him.  
”I didn’t say it was bad” He smiled at her.   
”Another round” Lexa interrupted them. ”I need one more for this night!” Clarke could read between the lines but the rest of the group only cheered at the more alcohol coming in.   
”Damn, you’re fire tonight” Anya cheered to her sister. ”ONE MORE ROUND OF TEQUILA!” 

***

Lexa looked at herself in the mirror, her vision was a bit blurry. She was getting drunk - the plan to leave early didn’t happen. They had a good time and it was nice hanging out with everyone - she needed a break from Bellamy. She could hear his comments all through the night - it was slowly pissing her off. As she was getting drunk it was harder to control, she wanted to be the bigger person but unfortunately he was getting to her. She took some deep breaths. 

”Hey” Clarke walked into the bathroom stall.   
”Hey” Lexa looked at her, Clarke was definitely drunk - tequila really was bad on her. ”How are you feeling?”  
”I came here to ask you that silly” Clarke got closer. ”I know…and I’m sorry for his behavior”   
”It’s not your fault” Lexa told her.   
”Maybe I can talk to him”   
”Maybe not tonight darling”   
”Do you still want my drunk ass to come with you tonight?”  
”Do you still want breakfast?” Lexa asked, of course she wanted Clarke to come with her.   
”Stupid question” Clarke put her arms around Lexa’s neck and leaned in for a kiss.   
”Noted” Lexa smiled. ”Come on” She grabbed the blondes hand and dragged her out of the bathroom. 

The gang had decided to sit down so the girls got space at the end of the sofa, the sat down and Lexa put an arm around the blonde naturally. Or maybe to point out that they where actually a thing.   
”We are all here, perfect!” Octavia cheered, she had been happy all evening. ”Bellamy wants to play truth or dare and I’m exited, I haven’t played that in ages”   
”Of course he does!” Lexa smiled with no pun intended. ”Alright”   
”I’ll go first…Raven, truth or dare?” Octavia asked the Latina.   
”I will start easy, truth” Raven told her.  
”Do you think you and Anya are gonna be together forever?”   
”Well I can’t know if she gets tired of me - but I sure hope so” Raven got a bit shy and Anya covered her face with kisses.  
”Aaw…you can be nice” Anya smiled at her. ”Your turn baby”   
”Okay…Finn - truth or dare?”   
”Go for a dare my dear” He chuckled.  
”Finish your drink!” Raven said with an evil laugh and Finn looked at the drink he just ordered. He sighed before he grabbed it and drowned in just a few seconds. He finished with a burp that everyone laughed at like children.   
”Okay, Bellamy - truth or dare?” He asked.  
”Truth” Bellamy said.  
”Okay….give me a second to think” Finn seemed lost on what to ask.   
”Anything” Octavia told him.  
”Fine, last person you slept with?” Finn asked.  
”Original buddy… last person was Clarke” Bellamy said confident while the whole table looked at the blonde shocked.   
”Okay yes, it happened…” Clarke sighed Lexa could feel the blonde hold tighter to her hand, to calm her.   
”WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” Raven was offended.   
”Next question please” Clarke ignored her.   
”Okay…Lexa” She wasn’t surprised. ”Truth or dare?”  
”Truth” Lexa looked at him with a look that probably could kill and everyone seem to feel the tension.  
”So when where you gonna tell Clarke about your trip to Hong Kong?” He asked.  
”Motherfucker? Have you gone through my stuff?” Lexa snapped. ”Fucking idiot”   
”I don’t trust you”   
”You are just mad that you lost your fuck buddy” Lexa fired at him. ”I can’t believe you did that, damn I though we where friends?” She asked him.  
”That was before you stole Clarke from me”   
”She can’t be stolen and that you even disrespect her like that is just showing your true self - I don’t make decisions for her”   
”You still didn’t answer my question?”   
”It’s a 5 day trip in 3 months, I think I would have time to tell her - and for your information - thanks for ruining the surprise I was gonna ask her to come with me.” Lexa told him and the it got quiet at the table.   
”Okay” Clarke interrupted before Bellamy could answer. ”What the fuck is your problem Bellamy?”   
”Okay no…I am sorry guys. Thanks for a lovely evening but I can’t deal with this” Lexa told the group.   
”Lexa” Clarke looked at her, the blonde looked devastated.   
”I’m sorry I’m just so done with the drama - I need to get out of here before I explode, I need to be alone” Lexa said goodbye quickly and excused herself before she rushed out of the bar, once outside she could hear someone scream her name. She looked behind and saw a someone running towards her.  
”Lexa” Clarke caught up to her. ”Damn are you running, you’re so fucking fast”   
”I’m a fast walker” Lexa heard this so many times.  
”I don’t want to leave you alone” Clarke told her.  
”Okay?” Lexa said confused.  
”No, I want you to ask me to come with you. I want you to want me when you’re upset - I don’t want you to want to be alone”   
”That’s a lot of want in one sentence” Lexa chuckled.   
”Come on I’m serious” Clarke pouted.  
”I wasn’t sure I could ask that from you…” Lexa got serious and pulled the blonde closer to her into a hug. ”But I really fucking need you right now and I sure as hell don’t want to be alone” Clarke hugged her back tighter.   
”Was it so hard to ask?” Clarke whispered to her while she kissed her cheek gently.   
”I honestly just want to go home, I want to hold you and fall asleep”   
”Then let’s do that” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand. ”I can be your little spoon always” 

***

When Clarke woke up the next day she was sad to no longer feel Lexa’s body close to hers, she adjusted her eyes to the light room. She stretched her body and looked around in the bedroom - she could help but to think on small things she could add to this room to make it more comfy. A little flower on the shelf, some curtains in a different colors - some framed pictures and maybe a new lamp. 

She got up and if she remember correctly Lexa kept her t-shirt in the second drawer - bingo. She grabbed a grey t-shirt that looked a bit longer - she covered her naked skin, she had slept in her trousers. 

She followed the amazing smell into the kitchen and found Lexa wearing the same outfit basically. Clarke couldn’t help but to stare at those amazing toned legs, she just loved them.  
”Morning” Clarke said with a raspy morning voice.  
”Aw” Lexa turned around looking disappointed.  
”Expected someone else?” Clarke teased her.  
”I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed” Lexa pouted.   
”I can go back and pretend I don’t know”   
”It’s to late now…you already got a shirt on, I was hoping to get a sneak peak of your breast. Not worth it now…” Lexa shook her head.   
”HEY” Clarke chuckled.   
”Come here” Lexa opened her arms, wanting a hug and Clarke wanted to teas back but the urge to get closer to Lexa took over. She cuddled close to Lexa and took her sent in. ”Did you sleep well baby” Lexa kissed her forehead. ”Hangover?”  
”My head is a bit heavy but I think all the water you forced to drink yesterday + plus the pizza helped a lot”   
”See I look out for you” Lexa smiled. ”You want anything special?”   
”You?” Clarke suggested.   
”You can’t have dinner for breakfast” Lexa teased her.   
”Everything smells amazing” Clarke smiled at her.   
”Thanks” Lexa’s hand disappeared from her back and before Clarke knew it it smacked her ass. ”Now move before I burn my eggs” Lexa laughed as Clarke looked at her surprised.  
”I am really the only woman that don’t belong in the kitchen”   
”You’re good at other things” Lexa chuckled as she flipped the eggs.   
”I know a few things…I can show you after breakfast” Clarke teased.  
”I would love to see them”   
”I would love to see more of that ass” Clarke studied Lexa as she tried to reach for two plates.   
”Okay you’re setting the table” Lexa looked at her as she got back to her eggs.   
”Of course” Clarke raised her eye brows. 

They sat down at the kitchen table, Lexa had made bacon, eggs, toast. It was fruit salad, bread, ham, cheese, tomatoes… yoghurt… well it was an amazing breakfast and Clarke could not wait to dig in.  
”Maybe I did to much…” Lexa looked at all the food.  
”No…this is a dream come true” Clarke said exited.  
”Good” Lexa smiled as she started to grab some toast to start with.  
”So…all jokes aside. How are you feeling today?” Clarke asked her.  
”I’m sorry about leaving like I did yesterday - I just knew he was gonna keep going and I am to tired for the drama”   
”I understand you, I think you made the right decision”   
”You don’t look so sure”  
”Well I wish I didn’t have to run after you, that’s all”   
”I know…I’m just, I’m not sure what we are. I didn’t want to pressure you, especially after what went down.”  
”Okay, makes sense I guess…well I wanted you to ask me.”  
”I know that now, I want you to do the same so I get where you coming from”   
”I can’t believe he went through your stuff” Clarke shook her head. ”Idiot”  
”He really want to find some dirt on me I guess…I meant what I said last night though, I wanted to surprise you. I need to go to Hong Kong for a few days, you don’t have to answer now… I just get so frustrated with him…”  
”I would love to”   
”Huh?” Lexa looked up from her plate.  
”I would love to come with you to Hong Kong” Clarke smiled.  
”Yeah?”   
”Yeah silly”  
”Cool”  
”Cool indeed” Clarke chuckled.  
”I think I need to talk to him”  
”Bellamy?”  
”He is a part of the group, we need to sort this somehow”   
”Why did I have to sleep with him” Clarke groaned.   
”For my sake as well”   
”What do you mean?”  
”At the moment I just get disgusting seeing him acting like an idiot knowing his hands been all over you”   
”But you behaved good yesterday”   
”I hate that I get so jealous…” Lexa sighed.   
”I have that side too…I guess it’s natural when you like someone”   
”So you like me?” Lexa smirked at her.  
”You’re alright I mean” Clarke winked.  
”Ha-Ha” Lexa smiled. ”So what do you think?”   
”I think you’re cute and that you make amazing eggs” Clarke told her.  
”Thank you but I mean with Bellamy”  
”I agree…We known him for years and everyone loves Bellamy, I think they got pretty shook about his behavior yesterday”   
”It’s not like him to act like this” Lexa sighed.   
”I will talk to him too…I don’t tolerate him acting like this to anyone because of me.”  
”I wanted to punch him yesterday”   
”You know you’re sexy when your angry?”   
”I’m supposed to look scary when I’m mad” Lexa pouted.  
”Scary, but sexy. Sort of turns me on” Clarke smirked.  
”Finished your breakfast?”   
”I’m full”  
”Well I’m curious about those things you wanted to show me after breakfast”   
”I guess I can eat a little more” Clarke looked at the brunette with hunger in her eyes. A different kind of hunger.   
”What are you waiting for” Lexa started walked towards the bedroom as she took of her shirt on the way and Clarke drooled over the naked skin. 

Damn right she was hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when we have a nice chapter with the two nobody cares huh? ;P 
> 
> I think I will have to start some drama to get some reactions lol!
> 
> Hope you like this chapter and let me know what you think! 
> 
> xoxo


	28. Waiting long enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Clexa has sex.

“I have been waiting long enough” Clarke breathed.

It was Clarke’s voice that did it. Low and urgent with heat, it made Lexa’s panties pull tight against her moistening flesh. She pushed into Clarke’s hips with her own. She whimpered at the press between them. Lexa blindly reached for Clarke and slotted their mouths together. Twin groans filled the room. 

“I missed the way you taste,” she gasped into Clarke’s mouth.

It was more the way she kissed, an all-in sensuous dance of tongue and lips, her mouth latching on to Clarke’s like there was no other sustenance she needed. A hot and sweet sucking on her tongue while her hands roamed over her back and low on her hips, pressing them urgently together.

Clarke pulled back. 

“I need you now” But Lexa was already moving them back, guiding Clarke toward where she guessed the bed was. 

Her guess seemed to be good enough, so Clarke closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of that hot mouth on hers, the firm pressure of Lexa’s thumbs tilting up her jaw so she could nibble and suck her neck. 

Lexa scrabbled backward with her hand blindly searching for her bed, damn it. It’s huge, how can she miss it. 

“What are you waiting for?” Clarke breathed.

Fuck. 

In the rush of all the blood in her body flooding south she couldn’t think straight.

“You” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s breasts through her t-shirt. “Make it hard to concentrate”  
“Don’t think to much”  
“No.” She fumbled with Clarke’s panties. “I will fuck you”  
“Very subtle” But Clarke seemed very much on board with that plan, helping Lexa pull her t-shirt off to toss it carelessly aside.   
“Shit.” Lexa stepped back. “I actually forgot how beautiful you were.” She stared at Clarke’s body. The blonde was soaking wet and desperate to get her mouth all over Lexa again. She yanked down her own panties.   
“Stop telling me and show me.”  
“Fuck, you’re bossy.” But luckily, Lexa followed orders well. She wasn’t always the boss.

Once they were in the pile of blankets in the bed Clarke took control. It had been so long since she’d been with someone who wanted all of her. She quickly peeled off Lexa’s panties and pressed her down into the blankets, planting kisses over every inch of her she could reach.vClarke licked and bit her all over, making up for the years she’d been without. She inhaled her, pressed her nose into the small creases drank the sweat from her skin. When she couldn’t wait any longer, she lifted her mouth from Lexa’s breasts.

“I want to taste you,” she said. “Can I?”  
"Yes!" Lexa gasped. “God, yes.”

Clarke made her slow way down the writhing body, pausing to kiss and stroke the curve of her belly, her sharp hipbones, the silken skin on the inside of her thighs. 

She felt so fucking good...

Clarke thought the magic of their past nights together could had been over, she was finally getting what she had been desired for so long. She felt the same sense of wonder now, her entire self focused on Lexa’s pleasure, her body burning with a need to satisfy, even as her pussy was slick with arousal. She pressed her hips into the blankets to relieve some of her own ache, an unconscious movement that she intensified once she realized she was doing it.

They both groaned at the first stroke of her tongue on Lexa’s pussy. A deep and shuddering connection clicked between them. 

“Jesus...I think you’re trying to kill me," Lexa’s hand dropped away from her head to clench in the blankets. 

Her slick pussy lips were meaty and hot under Clarke’s tongue, sliding wet and humid, tasting of sex and everything good Lexa had ever had. She pressed the brunettes thighs open even wider, reached up to stroke her nipples and twist them while her mouth devoured and sucked and licked. Clarke pushed her hips into the blankets, fucking into the firmness under her while she fucked Lexa with her tongue. 

“You’re so good to me...” Lexa whispered, bucking up so hard that Clarke had to brace an arm across her hips to hold her down.

With her mouth lavishing her clit, she stroked her entrance with light fingers. Her pussy opened up for her, slick and greedy. Clarke slid in two fingers, curled them up.

“Oh!” Lexa propped herself up on her elbow, staring at Clarke. “More,” she begged, her eyes heavy-lidded, her mouth swollen. “Give me more.” Green eyes filled with hunger.

Clarke did as she was told and gave her another finger, stroking deep in her hot pussy.  
“Yes...” Lexa moaned and dropped back into the blankets. “You’re so fucking perfect.” She gasped again. “So perfect..."

Clarke got even more exited, she fucked Lexa deep and slow with three fingers until the muscles of her arm burned with the effort and sweat dripped down her face, down her spine. God, she loved this. She loved how Lexa’s face twisted, her look becoming desperate with each thrust of her fingers and every flick of her tongue on her clit. Even with her mouth full and her hands occupied, Clarke kept her eyes on Lexa’s face, wanting to see every play of lust there. There was so much beauty. So much!

The muscles of the brunettes pussy jerked tight. 

“Fuck!” She grunted as an unexpected orgasm burned through her own body. The rhythm of her fingers stuttered but she kept going. Her eyes slammed shut and her hips bucked into the blankets the same time she felt a clenching around her fingers. Lexa stiffened all over and cried out.

“Fuck! Clarke...Fuck..." 

They shuddered together, pleasure rippling between their bodies in a feedback loop until Lexa collapsed into the sheets, laughing through the last of her orgasm.  
“Glad I could make you happy.” Clarke panted. Slowly, she pulled her fingers back from Lexa’s pussy and flopped onto her back.

“I didn’t doubt you would.” Lexa whimpered and followed her across the sheets, draping her body on top of Clarke’, kissing her, breathing hard against her parted lips, her eyes still bright with a mixture of lust and satiation. Clarke gladly swallowed her kisses.  
”Now it’s my turn to make you happy” 

***

”Do you really have to go?” Clarke moaned as she held on tighter to Lexa’s body - the naked skin made Lexa shiver.   
”Don’t do this to me” Lexa sighed as she leaned in for a kiss.  
”Do I have a bad morning breath?” Clarke asked randomly and Lexa chuckled.  
”Why? Do i?”   
”No, that is why I am asking” Clarke smiled.  
”No baby” Lexa kissed her again.   
”I don’t want this weekend to be over” Clarke pouted.  
”Not me either but we can’t stay occupied in my room forever”   
”Are you sure?”   
”We do have bills to pay” Lexa tried to carefully get up but Clarke pulled her back again.  
”Don’t go”  
”Clarke” Lexa smiled, how couldn't she. The girl of her dreams was begging her to stay and oh - how she wish she could. ”I can drive you to work”   
”Normal people don’t wake up at 05:00”  
”I have an important meeting…”  
”More important than this?” Clarke lifted the blankets and showed her naked body with a smirk.  
”Don’t do this to me…” Lexa drooled over the naked skin. ”How about this, if everything goes well today. I will take you out for dinner. I will pick you up - you can choose whatever you want”   
”And if it doesn’t go well?” Clarke wondered.  
”I will still take you out - but I won’t buy champagne”   
”I love champagne”   
”And I am Lexa Woods, I will get you that bottle” Lexa winked.  
”Okay but I will miss you…” as she finally let Lexa get up from the bed.  
”Come join me in the shower” Lexa told her and as she walked into the bathroom she could hear Clarke get out of the bed. 

***

Lexa could not be happier, she walked around with a constant smile on her face. It was not usually and people actually asked if she was okay at work. Her new energy also made work a whole lot easer, damn the inspiration and drive - she got deals she thought she had to prepare weeks for. She was literally jumping on clouds surrounded by rainbows - it was like being in love for the first time. 

It wasn’t until Thursday evening when she was on her way to pick up Clarke from work - they had spent all their nights at Lexa’s apartment. She didn’t complain she loved having Clarke there and it was bigger than the blonde’s. Not that it mattered, she could spend her life in a tent if she could be with Clarke. 

She pulled over as she watched two silhouettes arguing inside Clarke’s studio, she parked the car and got out quickly. As she got closer she saw Clarke with no one else than Bellamy of course, she opened the door and caught their attention.  
”What is going on?” Lexa asked.  
”Someone decides to show up unexpected” Clarke was angry.  
”So now I’m not welcome?” Bellamy asked.  
”What is going on with you?” Lexa wondered, she honestly had no idea. Bellamy had always been the good guy - never to be bothered but now he was acting like an idiot. She didn’t recognize him.   
”Me, what is my problem?” Bellamy scoffed as he took a step back. ”Clarke look at her - she is the enemy here NOT me” he yelled.   
”Bellamy” Clarke sighed.   
”Maybe you think I’m an idiot? You might hate me Clarke but at least I’m honest - and how can YOU of all people blame me for the way I behave?”   
”What do you mean?” Lexa wondered, she tried to keep it together. No need to put gasoline on the fire.  
”How am I an liar Bellamy?” Clarke’s turn to scoff.  
”You are treating me the same way Lexa did to you - you have been playing with my emotions all a long and you don’t even have a little sympathy?”   
”You know I have feelings for Lexa?” Clarke asked him. ”Don’t act like this is news for you”   
”No…Clarke it’s not news. But to see you sink this low to get back to her, THAT is news for me.”   
”You don’t know her like I do”   
”No I see the real her” Bellamy looked back at Lexa and it was first now the she could see the bruised eye.  
”I trust her Bellamy” Clarke told him.  
”What happened to your face?” Lexa asked.  
”What do you think? After you left Octavia punched me in the face”  
”So it’s my fault you mean?” Lexa asked him. ”Damn grow up Bellamy”  
”Clarke for fuck sake - you are one of my best friends. You can’t deny that you didn’t enjoy the time we spent together”   
”We are friends Bellamy”   
”If you choose her with not friends anymore either”  
”Bellamy stop fucking acting like this” Clarke raised her voice.  
”No I am for real…you have known me your whole life - yes we haven’t always been close but the last years we have. Why are you lying to Lexa? Are you scared to admit that you felt something for me too? Or are you really that stone cold?”  
”I am not gonna choose between the two of you”   
”Don’t ever speak to me again” Bellamy looked at Clarke to see if she might change her mind, when she stayed quiet he stormed out and slammed the door on the way.

It took a few seconds before Lexa finally gathered herself after the show she just witnessed and got close to Clarke.  
”I’m sorry” Lexa whispered - she could tell Clarke was upset. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and Clarke hid her face in her neck. She was crying.   
”I didn’t know he would react like this Lexa” she cried out.  
”It’s not your fault” Lexa hushed her down. ”You care for him”   
”I care about a lot of people”   
”But you care about him more, it’s okay Clarke” Lexa had witnessed it that fight - the blonde had struggled so much. It was hard to see someone you care for act different - just fighting with someone close was heartbreaking.   
”I’m so glad you’re here” Clarke held tighter.   
”I’m here baby” Lexa told her.

She knew that they needed to something about this - for them to move forward they needed to sort this shit with Bellamy. She had never really focused much on Clarke’s relationship with Bellamy over the years - he had always been Octavia’s brother. She had always seen him as the caring big brother to everyone. Clarke probably had a lot of trust in him - that could have been the reason to why she opened up about her to him. 

Octavia was her best friend so it’s not like he was not gonna be in their life. 

Lexa needed to talk to him - not punch him - even if she wanted too. For Clarke and so that they could move on from this drama.   
”I want to fucking hit him harder in the face” Clarke finally spoke, getting herself together.   
”It’s not the way, let me speak to him” Lexa asked.  
”Do you think he is gonna listen to you?”  
”It’s worth a try”   
”Did I tell you that I missed you today?” Clarke changed the subject as she finally looked into Lexa’s eyes.   
”You texted me five times saying that” Lexa smiled.  
”I did” Clarke seemed like she was gonna cry again.  
”Okay, okay. Let’s get out of here” Lexa stroked Clarke’s back before she grabbed her hand and lingered their fingers together. 

She knew it was too good to be true - the universe couldn’t just let her be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am scared. I don't write sex scenes. Please don't be harsh on me. 
> 
> Be kind and let me know what you think... if it was bad we can just say something rude about Bellamy instead xD 
> 
> Haha oh well - hit me guys! 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	29. No more secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa talks to Bellamy

”I just really had wanted you the be there yesterday” Lexa wiped the kitchen table clean after their dinner.  
”How can I make it up to you?” Clarke asked. Lexa had asked her if she could join her at her dinner with some clients.   
”I don’t know…I just” Lexa sighed. ”I thought that you would be there for me, I told you I was nervous and that it would mean to world to me if you could join me”   
”I didn’t know it was serious, I am used that you take care of yourself. I am sorry” Clarke put her arms around the brunette from behind and kissed her cheek.  
”Being in a relationship…that means that you don’t always have to be alone”   
”So we are in a relationship?” Clarke smiled into Lexa’s neck.  
”Well…” Lexa said nervously and quick. ”I…don’t know”   
”Do you want me to be your girlfriend?” Clarke held tighter and started kissing her neck.   
”Yes” Lexa didn’t hesitate. ”Damn yes” She turned around and rested her arms around Clarke as well. She looked into blue eyes. ”Do you want to be my girlfriend?”   
”Stupid question, of course I do” Clarke smiled and Lexa leaned in closer and kissed her gently, she loved the touch of their lips together.   
”Good” Lexa smiled into the kiss.  
”I am truly sorry for tonight. It won’t happen again.” Clarke said sincere.   
”I am just…you chose to see Bellamy instead”  
”He hadn’t replied to me all day and I thought that maybe it was a good time to talk to him”   
”What even happened?” Lexa wondered, she was a bit angry about it but she once again swallowed it.   
”He snapped, didn’t get to say much. He closed the door in front of my face…”   
”Why couldn’t you wait to go see him?” Lexa still didn’t understand, she knew that Clarke wanted to fix things between her and Bellamy but why just the night when she needed her? It felt so wrong.  
”Are you mad at me?” Clarke asked as lead the brunette to the living room to sit down in the sofa.  
”I’m not mad…just disappointed I guess” Lexa shrugged.   
”I understand that…I just, not used to you reacting like this. You usually argue and you just brush everything off these days”   
”Isn’t that good?”   
”I just don’t want you to keep everything inside” Clarke told her.   
”Let’s just watch a movie or something, I am just tired of talking about Bellamy”  
”Okay…” Clarke could feel the weird tension in the air. Lexa was close but she felt far away somehow. ”Do you want to be the little spoon?” She tried and Lexa looked at her with the most adorable eyes. ”Come here” Clarke smiled and the brunette cuddled up in her arms.   
”You are not alone anymore” Clarke whispered. ”I am sorry I let you down today, you are my number one” She kissed her forehead and she could see a small smile on Lexa.

***

Lexa could tell Clarke’s mind was somewhere else the next days, she wasn’t fully present. She constantly had to repeat herself or snap her fingers to get her attention. She had to fully understand this.

”Tell me about Bellamy” Lexa decided as they where laying in bed.   
”What do you wanna know?” Clarke wondered.  
”You don’t react like he does when it was just about sex…”   
”Okay” Clarke sighed and turned to lean her head on Lexa’s chest. ”Promise not to leave me if I tell you everything”   
”Damn…” Lexa sighed. ”I thought you had”   
”Well…I guess I told my version off it.”  
”I want you to be honest with me” Lexa stroke her fingers over Clarke’s back.   
”Well growing up, Bellamy was like a big brother to all of us. Me, Octavia and Raven… he was just very protective. We didn’t really have the closets relationship but he was always kind to me. I knew I could count on him”   
”What changed?” Lexa wondered.  
”When you left…I think Octavia and Raven got tired of me talking about you all the time - they never said it but I’m not stupid. It all started with one Friday gathering, I was thinking about you and needed a moment alone so I stepped out to get some air.”   
”He approached you?”   
”Yeah, he said that he could tell something was wrong and he tried to make me feel better”  
”That was my picture of him, he never made much trouble”   
”I…seeked affection…and I made the first move. I tried to kiss him” Clarke waited for the reaction.  
”What happened?” Lexa swallowed, she didn’t like the start of this story.  
”He pushed me away and said that it was wrong.” Clarke searched for Lexa’s hand and lingered their fingers together. ”That it was not fair to you, to me or too him”   
”That changed didn’t it” Lexa told her.  
”I gained respect for him after that and we started to spend much time together, he let me vent about you and I liked the company. We watched movies, went for walks or maybe lunch together”   
”Sounds like dating”   
”We never did anything, but he became one of my best friends. I hanged out more with him than with Raven and Octavia, they where so busy with their own life’s and I didn’t like being alone”   
”Why didn’t you tell me?” Lexa had no idea about this friendship.  
”It wasn’t until..do you remember when I called you”  
”How can I forget?”   
”My heart broke when you said it was okay to let you go Lexa” Clarke whispered and Lexa’s heart broke a little by the pain in Clarke’s voice. ”That night I went to Bellamy crying my heart out until he calmed me down, we took a drink on his balcony and from out of nowhere he kissed me.”   
”And you slept together?” Lexa cringed at the thought, she couldn't help it.  
”Yes, and after that I got mad at you. I probably said a lot of mean stuff about you to him”   
”While fucking him…charming” Lexa took a deep breath.   
”I didn’t think you would come back and I thought that it was just casual sex between me and Bellamy. I needed to get over you”   
”So you treated him the way I did in the beginning… you of all people must know how that feels?” Lexa asked.  
”I was selfish and I fucked up”   
”It all makes more sense now at least…you could of ended stuff with him before we started dating”  
”I didn’t know I had to end anything, I thought we would just stop having sex”   
”Why didn’t you tell me?”   
”Lexa, you came back out of nowhere saying that you wanted me, the only words I wanted to hear the past years. You where acting like a fucking goddess and matured in so many ways - I panicked and I didn’t want to disappoint you”   
”We agreed that trust is key to move forward”  
”And I agree, it’s just that when I saw you I could’t think straight. My mind was constantly on you - and I didn’t realize that it would hurt Bellamy.”  
”Okay” Lexa needed a moment to take it all in.   
”Are you mad?” Clarke asked after a while.  
”I’m not mad at you…I guess I never really asked you either so I can’t blame you. I only saw you”  
”Lexa…” Clarke took a deep breath and it got quiet in the dark room.   
”Yeah?”   
”I love you” Clarke had wished to say those words for so long. Lexa turned to look at her and they watch into each others eyes. Lexa studied her for a while as she she stroke blonde hair carefully.  
”I love you too” She finally said back and Clarke breathed out in relief.  
”I know I have been distracted lately…and I just want you to know that…you can always talk to me and if you need me don’t hesitate to ask”   
”I did ask” Lexa reminded her.  
”Damn…” Clarke looked frustrated. ”I am fucking up so much right now aren’t I?”   
”We are still learning” Lexa assured her.   
”It feels good telling you”   
”I want to know everything inside that beautiful head of yours”  
”You will, I promise. No more secrets”   
”No more secrets” 

***

After their conversation it finally went back to normal again, staying up late making love. Spending hours talking about nothing, distractions at work - she was Clarke’s only focus and she was hers. All she wanted to do was spend more time with her, get to know every little part of Clarke. 

It was a Saturday evening when Lexa had decided to walk home instead, Clarke had called and said she would stay at the gallery a little longer today. It was at a famous local bar that she recognized Bellamy sitting at the bar from outside.

She decided to go in and talk to him, she carefully sat down next to him. Bellamy didn't notice until she ordered a beer.   
”Last person I expected to see here” Bellamy looked at her.  
”You where the last person I wanted to have a beer with tonight” Lexa told him.  
”So why are you here?” He asked.  
”Because I think we need to talk” She told him.  
”Whatever” Bellamy looked tired and defeated, like he had a really bad day.  
”Thanks” Lexa smiled at the bartender and took the first sip of her beer. ”Long day?” She asked him.  
”Everyday”   
”I am just confused” Lexa said. ”Why are you hating me so much?”   
”I don’t hate you Lexa” Bellamy finished his beer and ordered a new one immediately. ”I always admired you”   
”We used to get along pretty well, thats what I remember”   
”I am mad because I can’t compete with you” Bellamy sighed, he seemed to be calm for once. Maybe she had caught him in the perfect timing. ”I am mad that I thought Clarke liked me…And I am mad because I am stupid for believing that. All she ever spoke about was you”  
”It’s not a competition Bellamy”  
”Everyone hates me at the moment Lexa, I hate myself.”  
”You have acted like a douchebag”   
”Yeah, I heard that from Octavia a hundred times and Raven probably a million times”   
”I am sorry how things ended. I had no idea about the last years”   
”Of course she didn’t tell you” Bellamy scoffed. ”I was just a rebound”   
”You are important to her, she is devastated that you won’t talk to her”  
”What should I tell her? I just made a fool out of my self and every time I see her I fuck up even more”   
”I am not back to hurt her again Bellamy. I truly love her. I know that you care about her and I know that you want to protect her. I fucked up in the past - yes but so has she - and you are not perfect either. I am not a bad person”  
”I know you’re not, you haven’t done anything but it was easier taking it out on you than Clarke”  
”You hurt my feelings” Lexa told him.  
”I am sorry, my pride took over” Bellamy sighed. ”I just…she told me the two of you where over. I asked her and she said that it was over. I believed her”   
”She believed that at the moment as well” Lexa explained to him.  
”I just feel so used” Bellamy looked at her. ”She made me believe we had a chance”  
”She told me it was all about the sex?”   
”We where hanging out every day for almost two years and then we just added sex to it…fine we where always behind closed doors but…it wasn’t just sex. Not for me at least”   
”She didn’t mean to hurt you”   
”No but she did lie”  
”About?”   
”She would never speak to you again, she didn’t like you anymore. That I was her new favorite now, that you where in the past”  
”I’m sorry” Lexa got a bit surprised. It was kind off shitty to lead someone on like that, at least she had been honest with Clarke from the beginning when she just wanted sex.  
”It’s fucked up but I learned my lesson…and I am truly sorry Lexa. I know you may not forgive me now”  
”I am willing to try…I don’t want to destroy our group of friends”  
”I am glad to hear that”  
”I think the two of you should talk, no screaming. But talk”   
”I know”  
”For you as well, you need closure”   
”I don’t deserve your kindness Lexa”  
”You don’t but I am so tired of drama - and I am tired of you talking bad to me. If it was three years ago I would have punched you in the balls and make you regret ever opening your mouth.”   
”I do deserve that”  
”Yes, but you are not worth the energy”   
”I’ll make it up too you”   
”We will see about that” Lexa finished the last of her beer. ”Just go make things right between the two of you and leave me out of it”  
”Okay”   
”Good” Lexa grabbed her jacket and left Bellamy in the bar.

She needed to get out of there, she was so mad at him still but she didn’t want to make a scene and she had been honest. She was tired of the drama. The anger towards Clarke was starting to build up as well - what kind of mess had she started here? She sort of felt bad for Bellamy at the same time, he was heartbroken and left with no answers. It was just sex, yeah right. You don’t mark a person like this with just sex…Clarke needed to fix this shit right now. 

As soon as she got home Clarke greeted her, she had left earlier than she thought because she had missed Lexa.  
”What have you been up to?” She wondered.  
”I saw Bellamy on my way home and decided to talk to him”   
”Shit” Clarke gasped surprised. ”Are you okay?”  
”Yeah” Lexa lied.  
”No, hey…wait” Clarke ran after the brunette and grabbed her arm. ”Don’t walk away, what happened?”   
”We just talked, there was no screaming or fighting”   
”And how are you feeling?”  
”I said that I was okay”   
”Wow” Clarke took a step back and looked at her. ”You really don’t react to anything anymore do you?” Clarke got closer and pushed Lexa into the closest wall with her body. ”You are so amazing” the blonde started kissing her neck and touching her all over. ”You are too good” Clarke started tucking on Lexa’s clothes when the brunettes pushed her away.  
”STOP IT ” Lexa screamed. ”What the fuck are you doing?”   
”FINALLY” Clarke told her.   
”What the fuck do you mean finally? What are you trying to do here? You are acting so weird”   
”I am trying to get a reaction from you and obviously it worked. Fucking be mad at me Lexa I know that you are.”  
”DAMN RIGHT I’M FUCKING FURIOUS AT YOU”   
”THEN TELL ME” Clarke raised her voice as well.  
”I AM MAD BECAUSE YOU LIED ABOUT YOU AND BELLAMY, I AM MAD THAT YOU CHOSE HIM BEFORE ME AND I AM FUCKING MAD THAT BELLAMY KEEPS GETTING IN BETWEEN US ALL THE TIME”   
”Why didn’t you tell me?”   
”Because I am fucking afraid that you will leave me, I already have a bad reputation - I am scared that if you see the way I used to act you would regret this”   
”Lexa…This is not the way you used to act. This is your emotions and I want you to tell me how you feel. What happened about being honest to each other? You hiding your emotions is lying as well…If you are mad I want you to be mad, if you are happy I want to share that happiness with you. If you are sad I want you to cry on my shoulder. A relationship is not a perfect movie. I want all of you and I am not gonna leave you because of a fight”  
”Do you have feelings for him?” Lexa asked her. ”Please just tell me” The anger went to sadness and she could feel herself tearing up. Clarke carefully approached her, she grabbed Lexa’s cheeks with her hands and forced the brunette to look into her eyes.  
”I don’t have feelings for Bellamy. You are the love of my life” Clarke didn't flinch. ”I love you Lexa Woods”   
”Clarke” Lexa sighed.  
”I know, I know. I promise you I didn’t know I fucked up this bad - when I told you it was all about sex I meant it. I know I have talked bad about you to him but it was my defense mechanism trying to convince myself that I was getting over you when I clearly wasn’t. I didn’t stop to think I could hurt him on the way - and I will speak to him. I just want to focus on the two of us but PLEASE, for the sakes of god. Don’t hide your emotions Lexa”  
”Okay” Lexa nodded.  
”Come here” Clarke brought her into hug and Lexa hid her face in blonde curls. ”I am in this for real. I am not gonna walk away from you because of a fight and we need to start realize that we both want this”  
”Yes” Lexa agreed. They where both scared to fully be themselves because they where scared of the other person leaving.  
”You want me and I want you” Clarke said and Lexa let go of her and took a step back, still holding onto Clarke’s shoulders.  
”Move in with me”   
”What?”  
”You are here all the time anyways, you have a key and you can furnish whatever you want”   
”Lexa are you asking me to move in with you?” Clarke smiled.  
”Yes, I want to come home to you everyday and I think it will make us both feel more sure”   
”Do you really want that?”  
”I don’t wanna waste any more time Clarke”   
”Me neither”   
”So what do you say?”   
”Of course I want to move in with you” Clarke chuckled by the sudden excitement from Lexa.  
”Yeah” Lexa said happily.   
”Yes silly” Clarke smiled back.

They where finally moving forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Sunday - another chapter!
> 
> I'm gonna be honest, I am running out of inspiration lol! Give me some ideas or something you would like too see in this story.
> 
> I love drama but I know it's been to much already hahaha. Maybe this story is coming to an end... 
> 
> However, much love always. Have a great day! (:


	30. The gala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a welcome back party and meets and old friend.

Moving forward is usually easier said and done. Even though Lexa’s apartment was now once again filled with unpacked boxes - this time they did belong to Clarke - it still felt like they where stuck. Lexa could tell Clarke was still not fully there - and the blonde probably felt the same. They where stuck in their head struggling silent fights. 

It wasn’t just bad, waking up with Clarke kissing you all over - or her bring you a cup of coffee in the morning. Late night movies, cooking dinner (Clarke was mostly there for the company) or just simply duties like cleaning together. 

It was truly nice to have someone to get home too but truth to be told - they had a lot too work on. Clarke was still down about Bellamy- she cared about him - a lot. It made Lexa doubt, she didn’t want too but in the end she was only human. She didn’t doubt Clarke’s feelings for her - but the blonde’s mind was not fully in it. 

It was a Saturday, Clarke couldn’t not help but stare at Lexa’s as she finished up her look with red lip stick. She was looking gorgeous with a long black skin tight dress, elegant and beautiful with her wavy long brown hair.   
”You are breathtaking” Clarke smiled at her.   
”Stop it” Lexa turned around with a shy smile, her pouty lips looking more kissable than ever with the red lipstick.   
”I want to kiss you but I won’t ruin your lipstick” Clarke chuckled.  
”You look amazing too” Lexa stared at Clarke who was wearing a light pink dress, shorter. Her hair straightened and her eyes looked more blue than ever.   
”Are you ready too go?” Clarke asked.

Clarke had been nagging about a coming back party for weeks now, Lexa finally managed to plan one (with a 90% help from her assistance) with friends, co-workers and clients. It was a gala, it would be a show, three course dinner and live music. Some awards would probably be given as well. She looked forward having a night with their friends - Bellamy was invited - she didn’t like that too much. Lexa was ready too be the bigger person so that their group of friends could keep hanging together all of them. Mostly for Clarke of course - they just needed to sort their shit together. 

Alice had ordered a limo for Lexa and all her friends, Anya, Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Jasper, Monty, Finn and Bellamy stood waiting outside now Clarke’s and Lexa’s apartment building. They all greeted each other and complimented on the looks, it was rare for any of them to dress up - at least when they where hanging together. Lexa’s studied how Clarke and Bellamy just awkwardly stared at each other without saying a word.  
”Thanks for letting me join” Bellamy told Lexa.  
”In return, please talk to her” Lexa glared at him and he just nodded before they got into the limo.

The building where the gala was hosted was magnificent, it was truly beautiful and it was nice sharing this moment with her friends. They never really got to see anything that she does - work - and now she could.   
”LEX-LEX” Someone screamed behind the group of friends and Lexa turned around to the nickname she recognized.   
”No way” She looked at the blonde girl almost running towards her with open arms.   
”Echo?” Lexa was surprised. ”Oh my good come here” Lexa opened her arms and they greeted each other in a big hug.  
”I missed you so much my Lex” Echo smiled big.  
”What are you doing here?” Lexa was surprised. ”How?”  
”Alice invited me, of course I couldn’t say no!”   
”Forgive me, guys this is Echo everybody” Lexa introduced her to the group.  
”How do you know each other?” Clarke asked.   
”Listen…this girl right here! She showed me how to live in Bali - we traveled around in Asia together. She was the queen of body shots” Echo laughed.   
”Yeah, we met in one of my work trips to Bali, she was backpacking and we sort of became friends over a night” Lexa smiled.  
”The famous Echo?” Anya now snapped. ”I heard so much about you, I almost thought you where Lexa’s imaginary friend. I’m her sister” Anya smiled.  
”We need to catch up Lexa, come get a drink with me” Echo cheered.  
”Look around guys, I will be with you soon” Lexa was to exited to see her friend, of course they needed to have a drink and talk. 

***

Clarke looked over to the bar and saw Lexa laughing her ass off at something Echo said, she had never seen her like this. Not with anyone but herself will say.  
”Echo…who is that girl?” She asked.  
”She’s beautiful” Raven looked at her with big eyes.  
”Hey” Anya pushed her.   
”She doesn’t seem that funny right?” Clarke glared at them.  
”Someone’s a little grumpy” Octavia chuckled.  
”No” Clarke brushed it off and realized that she was being petty. ”Sorry, can we orderer something to drink?”   
”The table is full, we just ordered” Raven laughed. ”Let her have a moment with her friend Clarke”  
”What?” Clarke looked back at the table and indeed there was now wine and beer placed on it.   
”It’s her night” Octavia smiled at her.   
”It is” Clarke grabbed the white wine in front of her and poured a glass for herself. ”Anyone else?” She asked but Raven and Octavia was already ready reaching their glass towards her.

It was an amazing evening,the live music was incredible - no one Clarke ever heard about before but there was a guy and a girls singing amazing duets on the stage hitting every note. The room was filled with men in suits - she could tell this was mostly men thriving at the top - it made her really proud that Lexa was up with them. Even above them - a lot of clients as well, she watched Lexa greet so many people this evening. Echo didn’t seem to leave her side though, it didn’t bother her…maybe a little bit.  
”Can we talk?” Bellamy whispered to her.   
”Now?” Clarke asked. ”Is this really the perfect time?”   
”It will never be the perfect time” Bellamy sighed, Clarke watched over her shoulder to see Lexa listening intense to something Echo said.  
”Sure” Clarke rolled her eyes. They decided to walk outside to get some privacy and silence from all the noise inside. 

”I know that I have been an asshole Clarke” Bellamy sat down on a bench and Clarke followed.   
”I am listening”   
”I know what I did… it was shitty and mean”  
”Why did you do it?” Clarke asked.  
”Why did you?”   
”What do you mean?”   
”You used me Clarke… and as soon as she came back you pushed me away like the last three years didn’t mean anything to you”  
”Bellamy…” Clarke took a deep breath. ”Listen - I know what I did was bad, I didn’t mean to hurt you but I thought we where on the same side. I thought you knew what I felt about her - I never lied to you about my feelings for her”   
”You told me it was over”   
”Because she told me that I didn’t have to wait for her, I believed it was over - it never meant that I stopped loving her”   
”Why did you sleep with me?”   
”Why did you make the move?”   
”Because I like you is that so hard to believe?”   
”You don’t like me Bellamy, you like fixing people that’s who you are. You are just upset because I left you before you got the chance to leave me”  
”What do you mean?”   
”I have seen it so many times, you start dating girls that are hurt or damaged. You fix them but as soon as everything is great you get scared and leave. Why is that?”  
”That is not true”  
”Listen…I love you Bellamy. You are my best friend - and us sleeping with each other was a mistake. I don’t regret it but we should of thought it through…”  
”Fix people?” Bellamy could not let that slip away.   
”You want to do good - and you are good at it. Why is it that you don’t want to settle down?”   
”What about Lisa?”   
”You met her at a grave yard, doesn’t that say enough?”  
”Caroline?”   
”Abusive ex-boyfriend”  
”It’s coincidences”   
”Me?” Clarke asked. ”I was at my lowest when you reached out…and I will thank you for ever for doing so. But you are not in love with me and you knew from the start who had my heart”  
”Lexa”   
”You deserves someone who loves you for who you are - I know that you had to step up and be a parent figure for Octavia. She has Lincoln now and she doesn’t need you the way she used too… stop trying to replace that with someone else. You can’t save them all…”  
”Heh” Bellamy chuckled. ”She used to call me everyday in collage…she missed her big brother, I thought it was a bit annoying at the time but when they started to fade away. Damn, I started calling her instead”  
”She loves you more than anything in this world, she looks up to you. Octavia was heartbroken over the way you behaved towards me and Lexa. It’s not you”  
”It’s not me” Bellamy shook his head.   
”If you really think about it…you don’t have feelings for me. You love me but you are not in love with me. You are upset that I am moving on, that I don’t need you like I used too. You are upset it happened with Octavia and you are taking it out on me”  
”I do love you Clarke…” Bellamy looked at her. ”I don’t maybe you are right…you usually are.”  
”You deserve to be happy too you know”   
”So who is that Echo girl?” Bellamy chuckled. ”She’s extremely hot”  
”Wow…that was quick” Clarke rolled her eyes.  
”The faster we move on from the this scandal the better…friends?” Bellamy smiled.  
”Friends” Clarke smiled back.

***

Once back inside Clarke looked over at the table their friends was sitting at - no Lexa could be seen. She told Bellamy she will be there shortly and started pacing around in the crowded room. She recognized Lexa’s dress after a while of searching and walked up to her, she was still with Echo and Clarke somehow wanted to make a point. She wrapped her arms around Lexa and gently kissed her cheek to not ruin her make up.  
”Babe” She smiled.  
”Hey” Lexa smiled at her, she looked a little confused by the hug. They usually kept it pretty low key when it was work related events.   
”I haven’t seen you all night” Clarke pouted.  
”I’m sorry, this is Echo…Echo this is Clarke”   
”The famous Clarke Griffin, you know how to pick them” Echo reached out her hand and Clarke greeted her.  
”Nice to meet you”   
”First course will be served shortly, join us Echo” Lexa smiled.  
”Of course I will, I want to meet your people” She smiled back and Clarke swore to herself, who the hell was this girl? She searched for Lexa’s hand, when the brunette noticed she lingered their fingers together.   
”What’s wrong” She whispered.  
”Nothing” Clarke whispered back.  
”You are acting weird”  
”I’m fine” Clarke smiled. 

Echo introduced herself to everyone once they got to the table, Clarke watched Bellamy as smiled goofy at her.   
”So tell me more about how you two met?” Raven asked as everyone sat down.  
”We met at a beach party, like I said she was the queen of body shots. She was standing there, looking so hot - the whole beach noticed her beauty. She was cheering licking tequila of some randoms girls body - and I was like damn, I need to get to know that bitch” Echo laughed.  
”You are making me sound so bad”  
”A bad bitch that’s what you where”   
”No wonder you didn’t want to come home” Anya laughed.  
”She came up to me” Lexa laughed. ”And the only thing she said was - ”Do me next”! ” Lexa quoted her in a silly voice.   
”She looked at me, up and down I swear.” Echo was still chuckling. ”Then she shook her head and said no, let’s do something else”  
”Do you regret that I said no?” Lexa smirked.  
”No we had an insane night - and we got to know each over a night. Some great memories”  
”I mean if you still want to do body shots…maybe I can help you” Bellamy offered.  
”Cure” Echo looked at him.   
”So why did you stop seeing each other?” Clarke wondered.  
”Lexa got to busy, or she made her self super busy with work. I got bored and I kept traveling - missed her like crazy though, it was not the same without her.”  
”But you won’t have to miss me anymore” Lexa smiled.   
”I don’t” Echo smiled back. ”I moving here, Lexa offered me a job and I can’t say no to Lex!   
”Wow that’s really cool of you” Anya smiled at her sister.  
”Alicia suggested it here actually”   
”So we can get to know each other a lot more” Echo smiled at the group. 

The food was amazing but close to the end Clarke got tired of getting no attention from Lexa, all she did was talk to Echo. And that stupid nickname, Lex-Lex? It’s not even cute, it doesn’t fit her at all. She was jealous, she couldn’t help it - so must the brunette because she dragged Clarke away from the table after just one look. 

”You’re mad?” Lexa asked. ”What’s wrong?”  
”Is she one of your ex lovers? Did you sleep with her?”  
”Is this what this is all about?” Lexa asked.   
”You have payed no attention to me all evening - it was so important that I was here the last time, sure doesn’t look like you need me”  
”It is important Clarke” Lexa sighed.   
”Why didn’t you ever tell me about Echo?”  
”I thought would never see her again”   
”So who is she?”  
”She’s a friend, she was the closest thing I had to a home when I was traveling”   
”She’s important to you”   
”She is…but not as important as you. I’m sorry I was just not prepared to see her, we had a lot to catch up on.”  
”Queen of body shots?” Clarke raised her eye brows.  
”Hey, if you’re nice maybe I’ll show you my skills”  
”You better” Clarke smirked.  
”I’m sorry if you feel left out”   
”I feel like there is still things I don’t know about you”  
”I don’t like to dwell on the past but I’ll tell you everything you want know”  
”Do you think she’s hot?”  
”She is but she is nothing compared to you. Griffin, I sense some jealousy here”  
”I can’t help it” Clarke said irritated.   
”It’s kind of sexy. After you being so occupied with Bellamy it’s nice to see actually”  
”I know, I’m sorry. We sorted everything tonight I think”  
”You spoke to him?”  
”Yeah…he likes your friend”  
”Are you thinking what I am thinking?”  
”This is why I love you babe”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just finished season 5 and caught up on season 6 of the 100... that explains my break lol. It's really good though and damn they keep bringing up Lexa's name?? I read an article for season 6 and it said the Alycia was listed and with the plot it seemed possible. Got my dreams crushed though, someone said it wasn't true...
> 
> Are you watching season 6, what do you think? 
> 
> And not to forget... what do you think about the chapter? It would be really cool to write a story, like an alternative story to the 100 script. Lol I get my ideas... Watching the 100 gave me some more inspiration.
> 
> This is leading to an end and I notice you're getting tired of it :P 
> 
> Have a lovely weekend!


	31. Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa works a lot and looks forward to sleep this weekend.

Watching her sleep was something Lexa couldn't describe. Usually she didn't sleep until much later than eight or nine in the morning and Clarke could sleep for two days in one go. That meant that on the weekends she had to be the one to wake her up. She never set any alarms on the weekend, first she didn’t need it and second she loved watching Clarke sleep. Seeing her so peaceful, listening to her heavy breathing. 

Maybe weekends was her favorites, wasn’t it the same for everyone? On the weekdays she always went up early in a hurry. Now she woke up when her body was ready, feeling rested and just thankful that Clarke and her was finally on good terms. These moments made her happy, it was probably very cheeky but she couldn’t help it. 

She had looked forward to Friday all week. Nothing in the world is better than a good sleep and Lexa would know that. Recently she had unlimited amount of paperwork and tiresome overtime. She considers herself lucky that her Clarke did not break up with her yet. She has reached the point where she questions herself "what is sleep?”. She was lucky, knowing Clarke loved to sleep - it meant she would still probably wake up before the blonde.

Today was Friday and she made sure she finished all of her paperwork by late Thursday night to have the sufficient amount of sleep, and by sufficient she means she plans on sleeping whole of Saturday - or at least try to sleep as much as possible.Don't get her wrong, she loves Clarke who is all cuddled up next to her too much but right now she loves sleep a hell lot. 

Normally, Clarke slept till late on a Saturdays, but today for some reason unknown to her, she woke up at 6:30am and found her girlfriend to be good as dead. She knew Lexa wore herself out during the deadly week. She thanked the lord that Lexa didn't start living in her office cause that would be plain weird. She thanked her lucky stars that she was even fortunate to get a glimpse of the older woman during the rushed week.

To be honest, she misses spending time with her green eyed girl. She laid there on her chest and looked at how relaxed she looked. She noticed how tired her features were but she still couldn't help but think "wow she's the most beautiful woman and she is mine”.

She removed herself from Lexa’s chest and noticed how she frown in her sleep due to the loss of Clarke’s warmth. She got out of her bed and went to the bathroom but not before searching for her phone. When she found it, she called the one person she knows will listen to her.

"Come on...come on Raven" she chanted but not that loud  
She heard an annoyed growl from the other end of the line before getting an answer   
"Lexa better be dying? Cause its freaking too early for a Saturday morning moron” Raven answered the phone.  
"Shut up. Lexa is perfectly fine and pretty much alive. I couldn't sleep so-"  
"So you thought off calling me and nagging me. How thoughtful of you" Raven said sarcastically  
"Are you done?" she asked  
"No! Just go to sleep or better. Go for a run and wear yourself out. A little exercise would be good for your heal-" Clarke hangs up on Raven. Her eyes wide open and she thought "why didn't i think of that?” Her phone buzzed and she saw Raven’s massage

From Raven: DO NOT HANG UP ON ME WHEN IM TALKING!!!!!! You are lucky i love you or else Lexa would be a widow by now.

She smiled and walked back to her bedroom and laid beside a motionless body. Choosing to ignore Raven’s massage for a while.  
"Babe" she called out but got no response "Honey...wake up" pin drop silence ”Lexa Woods!" she yelled shaking her body furiously.  
"Hmmm...." a sleepy hum came from the tired woman's mouth.

Clarke knows that's not enough to get Lexa up and away. So she starts poking her sides. Little to no effect just a smile. Still not giving up...she starts kissing her cheeks.  
"Lets go for a walk babe" she whispered and again got no responds "babe...*kiss*...lets *kiss*...go *kiss*...for *kiss*...a *kiss*….*walk *kiss*" she said while Lexa turning her back towards her. Come on…Lexa never slept, she was always awake before her? Why did she have to be this tired now? 

With a huff she brushed Lexa’s hair to one side and started attacking her neck. She even bit her neck but still no reaction.  
”Come on… wake up….babe wake up...come on its a beautiful Saturday morning...lets go for a run…you always wake up early” she said near her neck and yet again getting no response. She just hears giggling but no words from the older woman.

"Now I’m just getting frustrated " Clarke sighed and hovered over Lexa who was still facing the other direction. She slowly moves to kiss her right cheek a bit roughly but she still manage to get a goofy grin from Lexa. The hell is wrong with this woman, she never sleeps in. She pulls away from her motionless less body and grabs her phone again.

She dials the number. 

"You are inviting death, first you call me early in the morning and disturb my beauty sleep, then you hang up on me and NOW!! YOU ARE CALLING ME AGAIN!!!!!!!" the voice from the other end yelled.  
"Im sorry Raven but Lexa is not waking up. I've been trying for like half an hour or so and all i got was a few giggles and a smile" she said to her best friend.  
”And what are you expecting me to do? ” Raven asked.  
"How do i wake her up?” Clarke answered and heard a scoff from the other line.  
"You sure she is your girlfriend and not mine? Seriously Clarke… just give her some morning se-"  
"Raven shut the hell up." Clarke cut her off  
”What?! Have you tried it?” she asked teasingly.  
"Shut up and help me" Clarke sounded desperate, she didn’t know why. She just really wanted Lexa to wake up and spend time with her. She was awake and had all this energy out of nowhere.   
"Okay...when Anya wants to wake me up, she peppers kisses all over me-"  
"Already done that, she was giggling" Clarke responded  
"Stop cutting me woman and listen to the whole damn thing. where was i? oh yeah...she peppers kisses over me but she fails at that so she climbs on top of me and I get up because damn she be heavy though she looks ski-” Raven babbles. Clarke hangs up once again and decides to move back to her bedroom where her victim is in slumber, Raven was no help.

Clarke jumps on top of Lexa only to be held and pinned down by her unconscious girlfriend.  
She sighs as Lexa’s head rests on her chest and finally Clarke thinks to herself of giving up and falling back to sleep while playing with Lexa’s hair.

The brunette probably needed the sleep and she was probably the most annoying girlfriend ever right now, to her surprise she finally heard some words from Lexa.  
”What is wrong with you?” Lexa’s morning voice was incredible sexy and Clarke was a bit sad she hadn’t enjoyed it before. She heard her sleepy voice, that was adorable but this - this was something else.   
”Do you wanna go for a walk?” Clarke asked.  
”Does it look like I wanna go for a walk”   
”You’re working to much” Clarke sighed but she made herself more comfortable in bed and wrapped her arms around Lexa who just snuggled closer to her chest. A tired Lexa was nothing but adorable, not a lot of people saw this - so pure and needy for touch. Maybe that’s why she always got up first? Lexa loved to cuddle, sometimes Clarke woke up in the middle of the night, having to go to the bedroom. Lexa would look at her scared asking, ”where are you going?” and she wouldn’t get back to sleep until she was back. Clarke loved it though, she loved being the big spoon, to have Lexa’s in her arms as much as she loved being in the safe arms of her girlfriend.  
”It’s been a busy week”  
”Busy weeks” Clarke corrected her.  
”So could you let me sleep and I promise I will…” Lexa was to tired to even finish her sentences.  
”Promise me what?” Clarke wondered. ”Hey don’t leave me hanging”   
”Anything you want babe” Lexa was falling back asleep.  
”Don’t worry” Clarke hushed her, the brunette was already gone. ”I’ll take care of you today” Clarke smiled to herself and kissed Lexa on her forehead. 

She realized it would be selfish to force her beautiful girl to wake up - when she was finally trying to sleep in. Lexa deserved the sleep - she had worked so hard lately. They could spend time later, for now she could just enjoy watching her sleep. It was a beautiful sight and Clarke noted to herself to try to do this more often. She really loved this woman.

”You know I’ll marry you one day right” Clarke whispered with a cheeky smile on her face.

***

”So…Lexa” Echo smiled at her.  
”What?” She asked, they where sitting in Bellamy’s couch - it was gathering Friday.  
”So we went on a date” Echo chuckled.  
”Who, you and Bell?” Lexa wondered.  
”He’s really sweet” She smiled happily.  
”That’s awesome” Lexa smirked knowing very well that her and Clarke had done everything in their power to match these two without their knowledge.   
”We have been talking ever since, he is amazing. Your friends are amazing as well”  
”Glad you like them” Lexa smiled back at her. ”They mean the world to me”   
”Bellamy mentioned something about your heart, you had surgery?” Echo asked.  
”Yeah…It was some tuff months” Lexa sighed. ”But Clarke saved my life”   
”You’re really in love aren’t you?”   
”I am…sometimes I have nightmares, she breaks up with me. Her leaving my worst fear”   
”Then you know what to do…” Echo raised her eye brows.  
”what?”   
”Tie the knots”   
”What do you mean”   
”Ask her to marry you stupid” Echo rolled her eyes.   
”I think it’s to early…” Lexa wanted to propose, she just wasn’t sure it was the right timing.  
”What I have heard you been wasting a lot of time already - ask her”   
”Now?” Lexa chuckled.  
”Wait..” Echo looked around and found some plastic from a bottle of wine that she shaped like a ring. ”Temporary”   
”Are you kidding with me? Do you want me to propose with a plastic ring… here? In Bellamy’s house?”  
”Make it clear she’s yours and it’s also beautiful to do it in front of every one you love”   
”Shit…should I?” Lexa laughed.  
”Who can say no to you Lex-Lex?” Echo smiled.   
”Shit… alright” Everyone was already gathered in the living room.  
”Hey” Lexa tried to get everyone’s attention, she had to do it know otherwise she would back out. ”HEY” she tried louder and that got everyone’s attention and Jasper turned off the music. ”Sorry to interrupt everyone’s night…” Lexa got shy as soon as it got quiet and all eyes was on her.  
”What’s up?” Clarke looked worried and Lexa stood up the rest sat down.   
”Clarke” Lexa smiled at her. ”I know this is spontaneous - and I didn’t want to do it like this. I had everything planned out in my head, you know I’m a perfectionist and this was not the plan…”   
”Lexa” Clarke looked curious.   
”You…You are the love of my life. I know we have a bumpy ride behind us but I mean just think about everything that we have overcome, together we are stronger and there is nothing we can’t handle. I want you by side for the rest of my life.”  
”I love you too” Clarke chuckled. ”Are you drunk?” She joked.  
”My mind hasn’t been clearer about anything in my life… Clarke Griffin” Lexa handed Clarke her hand to help her up, as the blonde stood up Lexa went down on one knee.  
”I will get you the most beautiful ring but this will due for now… will you marry me?” Lexa looked up with teary eyes at the woman who loved. Clarke was standing there gasping, teary as well.  
”Lexa” She breathed as she helped the brunette up. ”You are crazy you know that right”  
”Crazy about you…yes” Lexa laughed, she was nervous now.  
”I thought you never ask” Clarke smiled at her. ”Of course I’ll marry you” All their friend cheered at the pure moment of happiness as Clarke threw her arms around Lexa and brought her in for a passionate kiss.   
”GET A ROOM” Raven yelled at her.  
”This we need to celebrate” Octavia cheered.  
”I love you” Clarke smiled into Lexa.  
”I love you too” 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! 
> 
> We are coming to an end... :') I can't milk story anymore I think hehe. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	32. The End.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years later...

10 Years later…

”Did you pack the purple shirt?” Lexa said in a hurry.  
”Babe” Clarke chuckled as she watched her wife run around their apartment in panic. Lexa really wasn’t the best with stressful situations, she wanted to have everything under control.  
”I don’t have time for jokes now” Lexa wined as she open a drawer to look for something.   
”Look at us” Clarke tried to get her attention but the brunette was to busy.  
”Mom…look” A little childish laugh and Lexa turned around to look at her daughter. Clarke was carrying Madi who was wearing her favorite purple shirt.   
”You are an A-S-S-H-O-L-E” Lexa spelled out the last word so their daughter wouldn’t understand.   
”You love me” Clarke smiled and walked about to her, she stroke some hair away from Lexa’s face. ”Relax, me and Madi packed yesterday. We helped mama didn’t” Clarke tickled Madi.   
”Yes” Madi said proud with the biggest smile.   
”I do love you” Lexa breathed out as she stole a quick kiss from her wife. ”And I love you so so so so much” Lexa placed kissed all over their 5 year old daughter.   
”Can we go now?” Aiden, their first son entered the room.   
”Yes, can you help carry that bag big boy” Lexa smiled at him.  
”Can I?!” He sounded excited.   
”Of course” 

Much had happened over the years, Lexa and Clarke had created this amazing family and had given birth to two amazing children. Clarke had carried Aided while Lexa had carried Madi - the two most beautiful children in the world. They had got married shortly after Lexa’s proposal 10 years ago - they had agreed, they had missed so much time already and didn’t want to waste anymore. After an amazing ceremony in Bali Clarke got pregnant, Lexa had loved the journey of watching their first child grow inside of her beautiful wife. The woman body was truly incredible, that she had realized even more when she got the honor to give birth to Madi. 

Lexa couldn’t be happier - there was so many things she was grateful in life. What if she had never had her operation, she would never had seen her kids grow up - and she would have missed an amazing life with her best friend and lover. 

At the moment they where on their way to the country side, they where gonna spend a week together with all their friends. Octavia (as usual) planned the trip, after Friday gathering had slowly faded away due to life getting in the way - she forced everyone to take one week every summer at her’s and Lincoln’s summer place.

To be fare she didn’t force anyone, they all loved that week and looked forward to it every year. It was fun for the kids - and of course it was fun for the now pretty grown up group of friends. 

”It’s there” Madi pointed happily at the summer house she remembered how it looked like.   
”Yes, are you exited?” Clarke asked.  
”Yes!!!”   
”What about you sweetie?” Clarke turned to look at Aided.   
”Yes! Lucas is gonna be there right??” Aided said excited, Lucas was Bellamy’s and Echo’s first child.   
”Yes” Clarke confirmed.   
”And what about mommy” Clarke teased Lexa with a baby voice.  
”Mommy is trying to park” Lexa was focusing.   
”Can we get out?” Aiden was to excited.  
”Please? Please?” Madi agreed. ”Maya is there” Madi pointed at Raven and Anya’s daughter who was the same age.   
”Bring your sister then Aiden and be careful”   
”You’re the best” Aiden shouted as he help his little sister out of the car.  
”They could have waited 2 minutes as I parked the car” Lexa rolled her eyes.  
”They are excited” Clarke looked at Lexa.  
”They have to learn too have some patience too”   
”Why are you so tense?” Clarke sighed.   
”Because we just had a 5 hour drive with two young children”   
”Babe” Clarke sighed. ”We are on vacation now, can you please relax”   
”I’m trying” Lexa said frustrated as she finally parked the car. ”I just spent 8 days working 14 hours per day to be able to join this trip” Lexa got out of the car and maybe slammed it a bit harder than she intended too. Clarke got out and followed her wife to the back of the car to get their bags out.  
”Hey” Clarke stopped Lexa from carrying out a bag. ”Hey” She forced the brunette to look at her.  
”Hey” Lexa sighed.   
”I know you work so hard and I know you are tired. I just want you to relax and leave that stress, you deserve some time off”  
”I do..” Lexa took a deep breath.  
”And…I miss you” Clarke pouted. ”I feel like we haven’t seen you in forever and I want us to spend some quality family time”   
”You’re right…I’m sorry” Lexa pulled the blonde closer. ”What would I do without you?”   
”I have no idea” Clarke smiled at her.  
”You look beautiful today” Lexa complimented her.  
”I know a way to get you too relax” Clarke lowered her voice.   
”Listening”   
”What about I show you tonight” Clarke teased her as she smacked her wife’s ass.  
”GET A ROOM” Raven yelled at them.  
”Way to ruin the moment” Clarke laughed.  
”Oh my good, when are you gonna get over the honey moon phase” Raven wondered.  
”Never” Lexa smiled.   
”What’s a honey moon phase?” Maya asked her mom.  
”Nothing you need to worry about now” Raven laughed. ”Need any help with the bags”  
”Yes but first give me a hug, I haven’t seen you in forever” Clarke reached for the Latina.   
”Missed you guys” Raven hugged Lexa as well.  
”Mom look” Madi pointed at the big trampoline.  
”Wow” Lexa smiled.   
”Can me and Maya go and play on it?” Madi asked.   
”Sure” Clarke smiled as the two girls ran away with happy screams. 

With help from Raven they carried their stuff to the room they always stayed in, the kids was sharing room wherever they felt like sleeping. Madi usually stayed with Maya and Olivia who was Lincoln and Octavia’s little girl. Aided fell asleep everywhere so it was hard to keep track on him. They made their bed and unpacked their stuff for the week, Lexa took a quick shower while Clarke was getting their kids stuff ready. 

Lexa enjoyed the hot water covering her body, it was like tons of stress rushed away. She got surprised when two arms wrapped around her but she smiled as she felt Clarke’s naked body press against hers.  
”Schh…” Clarke started kissing her neck while Lexa closed her eyes as her wife touched her all over her body. ”Let me take care off you” Clarke said with a raspy voice. Lexa turned around and they both closed their eyes and leaned towards each other to kiss, their mouths opening for the shape of the other’s. Their lips met and with Clarke’s lounge pushed into Lexa’s mouth, moving around inside as well as her lips and body against Lexa, the brunette then put her tongue forward, into Clarke’s mouth, searching to find her tongue. They found one another’s and started circling around and moving each other’s up and down, side to side, and all around. They where breathing rather hard through their noses, their only source of air.  
Clarke’s hand now moved over and caressed Lexa’s breasts, her fingers lightly sliding over and slightly pinching her nipples, before gliding down over them and her ribs.  
”Turn around” Clarke loved pleasing her wife and the brunette obeyed as Clarke’s eyes darkened. She had missed her wife so much and she was eager to get more of Lexa. Clarke kissed her neck as she pressed their bodies closer together. Lexa’s hand was placed on Clarke’s thighs, slowly running up and down.   
”Stop” Clarke moaned, she wanted to give her wife the euphoria she deserved. Clarke’s hand slowly moved from Lexa’s breast down her stomach, she slowly ran her fingers to Lexa’s damp heat, found the center of her and slid a finger inside of her. To the blonde’s surprise she could feel Lexa do the same, when she pushed a finger inside of her Clarke the blonde laid her head back the brunettes shoulder. Lexa turned her head and kissed her wife.  
”Let me fuck you” Clarke pleaded, the blonde pushed another finger inside of Lexa and the brunette moaned into Clarke’s mouth. Finally the brunette seem to relax, she moved her hands to play with Clarke’s hair and rested her body on the blonde.  
”More” Lexa begged as bit her lip and Clarke added another finger as her other hand played with Lexa’s amazing shaped breast.

***

Lexa was indeed relaxed as she got out of the shower, with a silly smile on her face she got dressed.  
”You okay?” Clarke looked at her, as she herself got dressed.  
”Amazing” Lexa winked at her. ”So when can I return the favor?”   
”Why can’t you ever just let me spoil you a little” Clarke asked.  
”You can spoil me like this whenever you want” Lexa smiled.  
”Thank you” Clarke chuckled. ”I love you”   
”I love you too” Lexa smiled. ”We should get away a weekend, just you and me”   
”We should” Clarke agreed, she honestly never got tired of Lexa - once she had to work intense like this she missed her like crazy. It sometimes drove her insane, she just wanted to be close to her all the time.   
”But now we should probably go out and greet everyone else and make sure our kids are still alive” Lexa knew their friends would start teasing them if they stayed in here to long.   
”You’re probably right” 

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and they walked down the stairs to start greeting everyone, it was kids running all over the place and their friends either running after them or laughing loudly at something. It was chaos down there.  
”Wanna go back?” Clarke chuckled.  
”I wish” Lexa laughed back. They both loved this chaos.   
”Look who the cat dragged in!” Jasper greeted them, he was holding his 7 month old son in his arms.   
”Look at that cutie” Clarke said with a high pitched voice.  
”He’s adorable” Lexa agreed.  
”Mommie” Madi entered the room. ”Where have you been” she was running so she got out of breath. ”come play with us”  
”Hey” Lexa lifted her up on her hip. ”Can I join?” She asked.  
”Yes” Madi said excited. ”You to mama” Madi looked at Clarke.   
”Wow” Clarke said with big eyes.   
”Madi” Anya grabbed the little girl from Lexa. ”Your mama’s gonna spend some time with auntie, I haven’t seen my sister in weeks, like you missed Maya I missed Lexa”  
”But” Madi pouted.   
”But later, your favorite Anya is gonna make everyone play with you guys okay?”   
”Really?” Madi’s eyes got big.  
”Yes, every single one is gonna join” Anya smiled. ”And your mommies need to save their energy for that”   
”Yes, you don’t do anything now” Madi ordered their moms.  
”Okay, okay” Clarke chuckled.   
”So go and play with Maya now so we grown ups can rest for later” Madi ran away again and Anya looked proud at her sister and Clarke.  
”What games?” Clarke raised an eyebrow.  
”Listen, I’m a genius. They are gonna let you relax all day now for tonight”  
”There is no games?” Lexa rolled her eyes.  
”No…but later tonight, guess who is gonna be tired? Two five year olds that has been running around all day - and we promise them we’ll do it tomorrow”  
”Because tomorrow we are going out by the boat”   
”There will be plenty of fun”  
”All forgotten”  
”Genius” Clarke agreed.  
”Give me hug, missed you guys” Anya cheered. ”Let’s drink some mojitos and talk shit in the sun”  
”Sounds amazing” Lexa smiled. 

They walked out too the pool area and Lexa realized she had the greatest opportunity to push Clarke into the pool. The blonde was already wearing shorts and a bikini top, Lexa was carrying her stuff. She acted quick  
”Babe?”   
”Yeah?” Clarke stopped moving, perfect, her back against the water.   
”Remember that I love you!” Lexa said with a goofy smiled before she pushed her into the water.  
”LEXA I FREAKING LOVE YOU” Raven shouted.  
”Do you love me?” Anya teased before she pushed the latina into the water as well.  
”Me Me ME!!!” Lucas saw what was going on and ran towards them, Lincoln listen him up and threw him into the pool as well. Now everyone was noticing the laughter and shouting from the pool.  
”You are dead!” Clarke glared at her wife and Lexa couldn't stop laughing but was caught of guard as she felt her body getting pushed into the water and suddenly she was gasping for air.  
”That’s my boy” Clarke smiled at Aiden as he was laughing so hard he had to gasp for air as well.  
”Hey” Lexa could not be serious even if she tried, she bursted out laughing as well.

Eventually everybody started jumping into the pool, they where all acting like silly kids. Pushing, fighting on the edge, splashing water.   
”I needed this” Lexa hugged Clarke from behind.   
”Me too” Clarke smiled.   
”Mom!” Madi was staring at everyone who had so much fun in the water.   
”Come here baby” Lexa reached for Madi and her little body cling to her mom.   
”Hey sweetie” Clarke splashed some water on her and Madi laughed.   
”Are you gonna stay together forever?” Madi asked them randomly.   
”Why are you asking that?” Clarke looked at her wife curios and then back to their daughter.  
”She is watching to much TV” Aided told them. ”She saw a couple separate yesterday and she thinks it will happen to every family”   
”Come here” Clarke stopped Aided from swimming away. ”Why didn’t you tell us before?”   
”It happens to a lot of families, I have some in my class - they spend one week with mom and one with dad”   
”We are not like those families” Clarke looked angry at his son. ”We love each other very much”  
”Yes” Lexa placed a kiss on Madi’s cheek. ”Me and mommy love each other so much and we love you guys even more”   
”Yeah?” Aiden looked at his parents.   
”Of course” Lexa bursted out.   
”We are not gonna break up…me and momma want to spend the rest of our lives together, that is why we got married”   
”There is nothing that can come between us, we survived and we tackle everything together”  
”Promise?” Aiden asked.  
”Promise” Clarke and Lexa said at the same time, because it was something they where both sure with. There was nothing that was gonna break them up, they had tackled it all - they just wanted to be happy now.  
”YEY” Madi cheered.  
”We love you, little monkeys” Clarke started kissing Aiden all over his face.  
”MOM” He whined.   
”Don’t every think stupid stuff like that again” Clarke kept kissing his face.  
”Okay, I promise, okay okay” Aiden laughed and his mom finally stopped.   
”Now me” Madi said exited and as Lexa started placing kisses on one cheek Clarke got closer and kissed the other cheek. With Lexa’s free hand she search for Clarke’s and lingered their fingers under the water. 

How could you ever want to separate from this? This is what both of them had wanted for so long, their love was stronger than ever and for every day that passed, they fell more in love with each other. 

Life truly was more than just surviving and Lexa would always be grateful for Clarke showing her that - they where great separate - but together they where unstoppable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my favorites!
> 
> Sadly this is the last chapter... :'( I hope you liked the story and I am so thankful for everyone who read my story, it's really cool. Hopefully I will get some new inspiration and write another story, this is my third Clexa story and I am not sure on how many stories I can come up with haha! 
> 
> Let me know if you would want to read another Clexa story! :)
> 
> Also, I hope you liked this story! I will comment back to all of you! 
> 
> Take care, remember you're all beautiful and always be yourself! 
> 
> If you want to see more the 100 stuff, head over to my youtube. Recently made a The 100 video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuTCs55S31s&list=UUi9VImsCcon02UZbnb1HDbg&index=1
> 
> Hopefully we will get through another story together! Would be fun, any ideas? Hit me up! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like my new story, if this seems interesting please leave a comment so I know if I should continue the story or not! :)
> 
> Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZS-SgB6jmw&t=4s
> 
> My new the 100 video if you want to watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuTCs55S31s


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